Devon

Dear god, make it stop

Sometimes it’s nice to be friends with some men, sometimes you get involved in conversations about whether or not you can crack your dick like your knuckles

When you have a whole queen sized bed to sit on, but decide to sit near the very edge

In a just world, Ryan Murphy would have given us another season of Doctor Odyssey

Being the town crier, but solely for telling people that Glee, with Lea Michele, is coming back

I need to pee, but I don’t want to wake her up 🥲

I almost agreed with Tom Scavo because he told Lynette that running for HOA president while she’s getting cancer treatment isn’t a good idea, but then he was like, “let me run instead!” and there’s the dumbass we all know

Sometimes I do what I think is considered a New York sin and wait in a long line for something, but I really wanted ramen and wanted to go to the place where you get your own booth so you can eat solo without feeling weird about it.

Made a playlist of songs I like singing at karaoke and most of it is recession era pop 🙃

Decided to watch Candyman, and forgot about all the bees 😭😭😭

Looking at the bios in the election guide….

She seems to be warming up to me 😻

Hulu giving me a Botox commercial during an ad break while I watch a documentary about The Swan 🫠

The only doctor I would trust less than AI is the one at CityMD who saw me having trouble to breathe and just assumed I was out of shape, and oops I ended up in the hospital with endocarditis 5 days later

I’ve been holding him for at least 20 minutes, but I don’t want him to pounce on me

Does anyone happen to have advice on dealing with a cat with play aggression?? Mlem cat is mostly very sweet, but he won’t stop pouncing on me unless I’m holding him (and he get mad when I put him down)

Accidentally got a mlem photo of my neighbor’s cat

I hope the baby is doing well now, but why would you name your child that….

Oh…..

Noooo I have Freak on a Leash by Korn stuck in my head because my friend sang it at karaoke to troll everyone last weekend😭😭😭

Worried that CVS is going to start thinking I’m casing the place because of how often I go to buy something, see that it’s now behind a locked plastic wall and then leave and buy it online instead

Still can’t get over how much of a catfish the cast recording for this year’s staging of Chess is 😭😭

In the Hallmark movie I’m watching, it’s apparently normal understudy for the lead role in a play to not be ready to take on the role on opening night, which does not seem right to me???

A few hours after I sang The Subway at karaoke, two of my friends and I witnessed this

Karaoke tonight and seeing rock bands tomorrow night and I keep forgetting to buy ear plugs, so R.I.P. my ears I guess 🙃

This administration even managed to fuck up soap 🫠 www.usatoday.com/story/money/...

I have a friend who’s going through a lot of roommate drama and keeps complaining about it and then apologizing for talking so much and I have to be like, no please keep me updated, I live for drama

Sometimes I think about how I have a mental block to eating at a Michelin recommended dumpling restaurant because I ate there when I had gallstones and threw up a few hours later, because of the gallstones