Maffyou

I love doing something like eating a pear and then searching "Why eating pears is actually so good for you"

I love seeing guys encourage our returning mayor to work with her team and listen to others like she hasn't been in politics before and needs some advice

My nodes are undergoing scheduled maintenance

Answer this quizlet about your favourite breakfast foods and we'll tell you if your partner is micro-cheating

Chihuahua shaped cheese vacuum

Auldbeef Heckburn

Audrey HeckBurp

Sometimes the back corner of my local grocery store smells like poo and that keeps me from buying ice cream and cheese

There are at least 2, maybe 3, fruit flies in my apartment. They are testing the limits of my patience

Protip "Turkey-baster it during water changes."

Just call it Europe+ or Europe(basic) or some shit

Let them drink Premium

Me when i help unlock the garbage bins for the neighbourhood raccoons:

I need to tell the property manager next door to clean their apartment building's windows so that i can see my neighbours cats better. They are so cute but every pic looks grainy so i can't share it with you all

i asked him if he wanted to see it and he left me on read so i blocked him

omg us

gitch basket

Season 14 of AHS:

basically i love some people but not others

There's someone in an aquarium subreddit asking if their pet fish is eggnant or a lil fatty

I'm sorry it took between 1 to 90 days to respond to your message. I wanted to reply with my undivided attention and then things came up, then i felt guilty for not replying, then i was busy. Now I'm working up the gumption but it's cold and I'm hungry so please be patient

Thoroughly enjoying listening to the new Pet Shop Boys album. "A man from the future is an audio/musical biography of computer pioneer and codebreaker Alan Turing written by Pet Shop Boys with Turing biographer Professor Andrew Hodges."

The response when i asked the pet psychic what my cat was thinking:

what are the odds of the power being off in my apartment building and office today for scheduled electric work

I was all jazzed to start preparing stuff for a soup tonight. Then i started washing all the sand out of the leeks and now I'm tired and disinterested

twelve bulbs of garlic now we’re fucking talking

garlic isn't garlicky enough anymore

I'm perceiving slights

A fair number of my "friends" have viewed my story pic of my dirty snail aquarium on insta and not bothered to like it. 🤷‍♂️.

I hate to admit it but i forgot about how good a nice mustard can be

Desperate Mousewives

I just don't think your fridge or freezer needs internet access

what if i made vegan pumpkin pie tonight*? *i am making vegan pumpkin pie tonight. I am just waiting for the pie dough to finish chilling before i roll it out and bake it

thanksgiving is a christian construct to remind the townsfolke to rsvp to jesus' bday in exchange for cornucopias

An email exchange with a student after arranging for them to complete a lab remotely Student: hey, i know the lab time was this morning but i was really busy this week and i have another thing this morning. Could it be this afternoon instead? Me (after reminding myself to be polite): No

squeaky little wax caps

Paul is saying some dumb stuff this episode

Nigella gives the best feedback

My apartment smells like ladybugs. I had to hastily bring in a bunch of plants last night so they didn't freeze and i definitely brought in a lot of spiders but also probably some ladybugs. I haven't seen any though

CRJ = Cathode Ray Jube