Derek Pakora

My smart watch congratulated me on being active this morning when all I was doing was putting on deodorant

I don't understand why Tinder insists on showing me people on Passport Mode. Mate, I'm not traveling any further than Falkirk, I'm definitely not planning on meeting someone in Buenos Aires.

Watched the Red Sonja remake last night. There's a bit where she's being forced eu right in the arena and the joke is that her armour is deliberately revealing and impractical (left), yet when she's actually fighting she's wearing this (right). So the different in practicality is an arm thing.

First look at Harris Dickinson as John Lennon in the upcoming Beatles biopic by Sam Mendes

I can't believe the guy previously sacked for dishonesty would do this

I read this story last night About how a DHS WHISTLEBLOWER Leaked the doxxing info Of 4,500 ICE Agents But the ICE LIST link Had been scrubbed So I didn’t post But BIIIIIIIIITCH I just checked it again & IT’s UP Make ‘em famous RISE BITCHES 🔥🧱💖🇺🇸 ICE LIST LINK ⤵️⤵️ Let’s fucking go #Mm

If only someone had fingered his arse earlier they might have caught it sooner

Just saw a lad walking along the canal with only one leg on his jeans. The other seemed to have been deliberately cut off. Is this a new trend or is it an act of respect for the Pope? Anyway, here's an artists rendition. #pope

Get Sexy by the Sugababes is a terrible song. Not only is it a rip off of pre-nutjob Right Said Fred but the grammar is woeful.

Remember when Sia was awesome? youtu.be/bprVdL8yYCg?...

When people on the Traitors talk about people being murdered you'd be forgiven for thinking they had actually been killed. Mate, they're getting the train home. Calm yer tits.

GB News "This woman was jailed for hurty words" The hurty words:

He looks like someone rolled a ball of mozzarella around a barbershop floor.

Hornbots are out in force today

I feel like this woman was a totem of my entire childhood.

Can't believe the right wing media are manipulating the truth to attack a Labour leader. Who could have predicted this situation?

Whenever a character has a flashback scene in a movie, shouldn't it always be from the first person perspective?

Prick

If you are playing Whamaggeddon and you're into that kind of thing, don't watch b Carry On until after Christmas. Wham just appears out of nowhere three quarters of the way into the film. Decent film, mind.

Chocolate rated by form 1. Egg 2. Tools 3. Bar 4. Sauce 5. Ice cream

Happy lob-shoes-at-Bush day to all who observe ❤️

Carry On (2024) Netflix 2/10 Awful. It's not funny and there's no tit jokes in it. They don't make them like they used to. Woke.

Giles Coren having a normal one on Twitter. All I said was some guy was being a little bit arrogant.

I remember when Obamacare was being discussed, American pundits tried to create hysteria around the idea that here in the UK we had death panels. Now it turns out they have this guy making insurance decisions. www.forbes.com/sites/shasha...

This is Rex. He's happy to be reunited with all of his toys after spending a few days apart. Please give them some privacy. 12/10

This is a beautiful song for a wonderful cause. #Christmas #christmasnumberone www.samaritans.org/news/reveren...

My partner has different sized feet because of her cerebral palsy and we had a chat about whether there was a way you can buy different sized shoes without having to buy two separate pairs. Turns out there is! For all you lopsided cunts. offcutsshoes.co.uk/collections/...

I use it for my themed only fans account

What a braw day

I can't help but feel Greg Wallace was getting too close to the truth and so the government decided to take him down.

I thought it was an urban myth but asparagus really makes your pee taste funny.

Nigel opening Christmas cards at work

Me trying to cut onions while my girlfriend asks about what kind of pyjamas to buy.

I remember it on CITV, I think. The villain used to make herself a cup of tea and she would be able to see elsewhere into the world. Had a bit of a Wizard of Oz vibe.

Maybe we were all a little bit harsh on Gary Barlow over his tax dodging. Maybe he needed the money to feed his son enough so he wouldn't eat the villagers livestock?