desqry

when I die it will be after logging in to Microsoft Support Community to drown in the boiling Gore of my enemies

#duckdb users on this app all post like they're in the same prayer room wearing robes and chanting. why are they putting out release info like it's a cryptic ARG where I have to uncover some cosmic horror? i bet motherduck is actually a front to summon a large Flesh Sphere

SICK AND TIRED of these "0 slide" meetups on #databs!! join my 120-slide meetup where we huddle around a Kodak carousel instead. and don't ask me for a link!, the address will be in the newspaper classifieds

MADNESS MADE FLESH IF NOT EXTANT AS MANIFEST GNAWING HUNGER , INEFFABLE HIDEOUSNESS FROM WHENCE IT CAME

The Future, from #databs #datasky AI slopposters: computer, can you load up the "data" please? now just give me a machine learning model for "optimize money". save and publish. now please generate a slide deck on money go up -- 4k, Artstation, anime, highly detailed

im archiving terabytes of gov data today, but also looping through every .xlsx with openpyxl to convert their styles to Comic Sans. this maintains my net-zero karma policy #databs

how i feel reading the docs: ah, i have unearthed magnificent erudition, with calloused fingers and bloody palms. my back aches, yet, my mind is strengthened. vs asking a question: umm 🥺 pwease hewp me i broke my wittle babby code :(((

I will never understand the interinfluence of b2b SaaS content writers posting like blogger-skinwalkers, then industry bloggers turning around to emulate SaaS slop for their promotional summaries

data tags #databs #datasky #dataengineering have rapidly become an inordinate Wall of Brands, and this encroachment will not stand. the fellowship of shitposters must light the darkness, until these devils are remanded to their abyss (linkedin)

agreed. I have trained since birth to annihilate any code I see. yesterday I cloned and deleted #nixos pkgs 27 times. you can do it for free and the cops can't stop you

LGTM? haha, yes, this foolish mortal uttered the sacred phrase. my plan to immolate Prod is almost complete. once more careless eyes gaze upon my heretical branch: once more blood soaks the soil, feeding the Evil therein. complete this PR and bring ruin to your diminutive kingdom

naming my #databs dev environment after the necronomicon cause it is full of eldritch terrors and madness grasps anyone who dare read the code within. the mind cannot hope to withstand such an assault

I do not want "engagement" on this Web Site. I want precisely one user per month to stumble across these mad scrawlings and feel like they've entered a crime scene by accident,, or contracted a curse

you gotta stop playing with me man. I should not be allowed anywhere near this data warehouse. my code reads like a demented grimoire. my dags are ten billion gnarled fingers grasping at smoke. I should be sealed away in the moon for my crimes against cloud computing

if you work in #databs long enough your eyes eventually turn milky white and you are granted the clairvoyant ability to see the precise time of death of any dashboard you gaze upon

lots of #dataBS nerds build pipelines cause it makes them "engineers" who "get paid" with "money". I do it cause I only belong in the sewer where the pipes are like a filthy little RAT

during your next #databs standup please lead a prayer to the innumerable Mass of Bees that run compute in our google cloud centers 🙏

#databs thrilled to share I have accepted a new role where I will be wandering through the data warehouse as a Blind Idiot God, leaving a trail of n rows affected from whence I devour, and deleting Tableau dashboards at random.

frolicked too hard and ended up in the Cursed Micropartition again :(

all of my schemas are evil. all my tables are nefarious. I write only in Spiteful Query Language. I hit that compute so erroneous the authorities want me dead. they will never catch me

#databs tip: I don't use AI, docs, or stackoverflow when I have SQL questions. Instead, I shoved 80k lines worth of scripts into a folder named "The Great Old One" and just use grep to receive Its primordial whispers

I will never forgive IBM for fumbling the T in ETL, because it could have been Transmute

gonna replace WHERE 1=1 with 1!=2 to measure how apathetic my peer reviewers are

ctrl c ctrl v #databs

actualizing my wizard winter by keeping this computer in a salt circle to ward off the Windows 11 spirits

Snowflake query optimization for your Villain Arc: start tasks with `alter warehouse abort all queries` to bypass queue

Hey team, be aware that moving forward any manner of dubious schemes, pacts, and sinister plots MUST be submitted in Jira only.

Banishing another two-bit business user to the third circle of hell if they cross me or my adventuring party. "You can't just invoke TRUNCATE SOUL" they say. Call the guard, I'll wait. Nary a care in the land about being banned from this kingdom.