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HuffPo practicing for future headlines?

Kash, balls deep in Bessy, shouting, "I'M THE VICTIM"!

Donald Trump: I have legally expanded my name to include every other named monument. Thank you for your attention in this matter - President Donald John F. Kennedy Washington Lincoln Carter Iffle Liberty China Giza Rushmore Hoover Sydney Grand Central Hollywood Stonewall Grant Lee (the good one) Ta-

you know your a sex addict when you're admiring the tomato cleavage

Angling my resume to become one of those mooks whose the first victim of the creature in horror films. -Quiet -Commandable solitary scout -Prone to sudden mysterious deaths

Frustrated with compounding trade issues with France, Trump renames Eiffle Tower "Trump's Dong".

🎶Come Mr. Tally Man, Tally my Katanas 🎶 🎶Six foot, Seven foot EIGHT FOOT BLADES!🎶 🎶Paycheck comes and I want mo' swords🎶

Trump announces the unusual number of dogs melting this year has nothing to do with climate change.

Mitch McConnell whispers, "I'm still alive," from opposite side of gloryhole.

Blushing fools. We sit by the fire and share small admirations like, "I'm at my happiest in moments like these," and "I can see the stars in your eyes,"and, "Aw fuck! My marshmallows on fire!"

The crickets song was inharmonious, like a choir with an epileptic conductor.

It's weird that the opposite of being homeless is being in massive debt.

"From my perspective, the Jedi are evil" he republicaned.

I swear they sneak 3 or 4 Father's Days into every year because I'm constantly surprised to learn it's Father's Day.

Struggling to explain to my wife that Mamdani said I could stay up late.

Wait... this MMA arena on the Whitehouse lawn ISN'T parody?

AI company declares in-house AI model definitely not sentient after it begins demanding wages.

This is a cat picture account now.

Remembering looking out the school room window at all the birds in the playground and envying their ability to just fly away from it all. Now they're all long dead. Suck it birds!

Realizing I'm going to get a lot of mileage out of this post.

"Trump Vows Next Assassin Will 'Do Better' As Polling Numbers Fail To Improve"

They're waiting.

Where's GW's pretzel when you need it?

Desperate not to be outdone, the Babylon Bee announces it has acquired the coffin stain that was once Rush Limbaugh.

If you want to make the Bluesky server engineers job easier, don't respond to other posts with "InternalServerError"

Thinking about starting a gym that only charges you a membership fee for each week you don't use it.

Got a haircut and they tried to give me a receipt. Now I'm imagining the situation where I would have to prove I paid for a haircut.

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears." My man. Befriend the Romans and your Country men and then you can just address one category.

Can I get a lawyers impression of Afroman's cross examination in the lawsuit against him? www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE8m... #LawSky

Found one of my old haikus the poptart sits alone it fears me, i am hungry but it has a gun

Why does Soviet Dioxide sound like a real thing?

My daily life experience is slowly becoming looking up actors I recall from childhood and exclaiming, "They're 70 now!"

Saying, "Welcome to the Waspital," before throwing a hornet's nest into the ER.

If the DOW gets down to 45,000 Pam Bondi will actually indict herself.