Tornado Ali

This just in: Donald Trump proud to win the 2026 Lamar Hunt Trophy.

RSVPing to Christmas as “I don’t wanna.” 🙃

For Your Consideration: Krampus Lindholm. He only appears during the holidays, and instead of the penalty box, he just stuffs players in a sack and beats them with a stick.

New Business Idea: a seasonal/themed strip club called Santa’s Twerkshop.

I’m too old for hot nudes. I’ve got lukewarm nudes at best. Like just whipping a tit out while I’m eating pasta and seeing what happens. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This Just In: Hand soap could cause sepsis! We are in the darkest timeline.

I think it’s funny that Domino’s feels the need to remind me that I have points expiring in January. Srsly, look at my order history. If I haven’t used them by then, worry less about my points and more about filing a missing person report.

FL Republicans: “Who are we to tell you what to put in your body?” Also FL Republicans: “We’re here to tell you what you can’t take out of your body (if you’re a pregnant woman)!”

For as much as millennials love saying that shit lives rent-free in our heads…wouldn’t rent-free be the fucking dream???

Of COURSE Jesus is holier than thou! What do you think they crucified him with, fuckin’ magnets?

Just a chaotic good girl living in a lawful evil world…

The biggest difference between Brick Tamland and DJT is that Brick gracefully accepted a declined invite to his pants party.

Have there been any studies on a correlation between penis size and pedophilia? I am 100% asking for Donald Trump, because he absolutely seems like the type to justify his disgusting behavior by loving that his half-eaten-Cheeto sized peen looks bigger in hands that are even smaller than his. 🙃

I’m pretty sure Tucker Carlson being the voice of reason is one of the horsemen of the apocalypse.

That parade should have been an email. 🙃

Sooo, who wants to tell Vance what Les Mis is actually about? 🙃

While it is somewhat heartening to see our judicial system stepping up to tell Agolf Shitler that he can’t keep sending us further down the path of facism and Idiocracy, at what point do we actually fucking stop him???

NGL, if I was on the Starliner crew, I probably would have told Muskrat “no thanks, I’ll wait for NASA”.

New Business Idea: deep-dish communion wafers.

At Centreville Bank Stadium like: Sharia law here, hoo hah, fuck the PD, fuck the PD!

This Just In: Pawtucket PD supports RIFC by kicking out disabled @nerevolution.bsky.social fan, details at 11. Or not, because they won’t tell us shit. 🙃

Enough with the Met Gala twinning BS. The one key difference: Zendaya wore the fuck out of her suit. Anna Sarai’s suit wore her.

Hot Take: Italy should deny Trump entry for the Pope’s funeral.

“Vladimir, STOP!” about to become the foreign policy equivalent of “Piper, nooooo!” 🙄

Hear Me Out: Ralph Fiennes crossover where Conclave ends like The Menu. Where there’s smoke… 🤷🏻‍♀️

Friendly reminder to join us this Saturday for the 2025 Chili Cookoff in the lot! In the meantime, check out some photos from last year. Members can sign up to participate here. ➡️ bit.ly/chili2025 Learn more about the charity, Vermont Foodbank, and their important work. ➡️ bit.ly/4lylKRt

“There’s A Hole In My Bucket”, 2025 edition: There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza Well, Henry, you should have considered whether you have the skills and resources to maintain the bucket before you bought it, especially in this economy. What do you want me to do about it?

NGL, I look forward to the day when I no longer have to read headlines like, “Trump thinks X, but actually Y” and yell, “NO FUCKING SHIT, SHERLOCK” out loud.

Not me reading this at a glance as “lowering inflation”. Just gimme the tea already! 🙃

As ever, I side with the penguins.

Tariffs are taxes, period. And we’re supposed to be ok with higher prices to strengthen our country. Y’know who else has high taxes for the public good? Socialists. They’ve gone so far right, they’re almost left, except the money will be enriching oligarchs instead of the American people.

Join the Midnight Riders for our annual Chili Cookoff on Saturday, April 19th! Proceeds will support the Vermont Foodbank and their Veggie Van Go program. If you're a member, you can sign up for the contest here. ➡️ bit.ly/chili2025 #RidersOverHere #NERevs

In Trump’s diminished cognitive state, he seems to have forgotten a letter. It’s MAGDA. Make America Great Depression Again.

Hooters’ bankruptcy news means only one thing: we need to kick it up a notch. I propose “Chicken Stripzzz”, where the wings may be breaded but the breasts are always naked.

The thing that the least educated/most gullible MAGAts still don’t seem to realize is, Trump has a terrible sense of humor. He’s not fucking funny, and he’s not trying to be. For everything he or they try to write off as a joke, just give it time. It will turn out to be a threat or an admission.

Isn’t high-fiving a deaf person kind of like slapping them in the mouth? 🤔

I would like to share, for reasons completely unrelated to the recent protests and vandalism at Tesla dealerships and charging stations, that acts of terrorism are typically excluded under most insurance policies. 😈

The world can be a dark and scary place right now, so my wish for you is this. May you find someone who looks at you the way your dog looks at cheese.

Enjoy America while we’re still free to dip our sour cream & onion chips in sour cream & onion dip.

That feeling when the NFL is doing more for DEI than the US government… 🙄

“Constructive decapitation” or “functional decapitation” would be more descriptive terms than “internal decapitation”. Discuss.

They’re going into the schools and prisons, and they’re performing transgender operations on illegal mice! 🙄

How to create more Trump voters:

I cannot say this loud enough. RESIST. If every two steps this admin tries to take forward is met with one step back, it’s still better than unchecked treason.

Just in case I had a shred of faith in humanity left, I made the mistake of reading the comments on a recipe blog. SAFFRON 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 A 👏 SUB 👏 FOR 👏 RED 👏 CHILI 👏 FLAKES 👏

@huffpost.com Do better.

Ep. 3 of The White Lotus got me like “OOF”. I hope Leslie Bibb at least enjoyed the challenge. 🤮

Now feels like a good time to start dumping cases of Diet Coke in the harbor.

L to R: Basenji/Terrier mix Beagle/Lab mix French Canadian/Retriever mix 🤣

I appreciate that Lorne Michaels is trying to avoid allegations of liberal bias, but Shane Gillis is just not funny. Enough already. You had Mike Myers. Use Mike Myers. And, y’know, maybe stop platforming a racist. #snl #shanegillissucks #canadaisnotforsale