Dr. Dave

MAGAts are always inspired by stories of Trump’s corrupt granting of pardons because they imagine that he might eventually free at least a few of their family members from prison.

The GOP represents all the worst people in America— the cretinous slime whose hatred, vitriol, and racism is exceeded only by their own cognitive deficits. Whether they were all deprived of oxygen at birth, or are just losers in the genetic lottery— for God’s sake, stop electing them to office.

If you want to know how evil MAGA really is— they’d continue to support Trump even if the video footage of him raping kids were released. In fact, they’d feel honored if the footage showed their OWN kids being raped by Trump.

Did you know that Vivek Ramaswamy is fluent in Tamil, the language spoken in the Palakkad lyer community in Kerala, India, where his family is from? And— did you know that ‘Ramaswamy’ means, “Lying sack of shit” in that dialect?

MAGA is far too stupid to understand that the entire world hates Donald Trump. America is the only nation where a significant portion of the population admires dementia and fascism. Because he was elected TWICE, no one will forgive U.S. voters for their blatantly sociopathic voting decisions.

Ted Cruz— one of the most cowardly, shameless, and corrupt bastards ever elected to office— was loudly booed by a crowd in Austin. Q: What was he doing in TX? A: He’d been told that the power was back on temporarily, so he flew in from Cancun to grift. apple.news/A8Pw9jHomQyK...

Lula defeated Trump ally Bolsonaro to save Brazil and halt the rightward shift in Latin American politics. Latinos in U.S. cities like Miami, however, will self-destructively continue electing Republicans to every office they can, hoping to recreate Cuba and Venezuela here.

Trump was angry about Jr. having allowed a Russian oligarch to pay for his wedding, and complained to aides about Jr.’s poor judgment. Incredibly, Jr. may actually have worse judgment than Trump himself. And just wait until daddy hears about the cocaine goody bags. apple.news/AP_dO_PC8R3a...

Good!!! I hope those Trump-voting farmers all lose their farms, and that they fucking rot like the unsold soybeans they’d raised while trying to destroy American democracy.

If Elon Musk were running Smith & Wesson: ‘You’re not gonna believe this, but we just discovered that some folks have been using our products to kill people. I don’t know why— guns were never meant to be used as weapons.’

If Elon Musk were running Lockheed Martin: ‘We’ve remotely disabled and grounded all the F-16, F-22, and F-35 fighter jets. We just discovered that our military had been using them to kill people.’

Defending his decision to slow Starlink so that Russia could attack Ukraine more effectively, Elon Musk complained that the beleaguered nation had been using Starlink to kill people. Well, yes— that’s been known to happen in war. But, tell me again about Musk’s remarkable intellect.

We don’t need leaders who know and follow the law, they said. Let’s elect a businessman to run the country, even if he merely played one on TV. What do we have to lose, they said. It’ll be fun. Are we having fun yet?

I still maintain— now more than ever— that Jethro Vance was chosen specifically because he’s the best insurance policy against assassination that Trump could ever hope to find.

Q: This point is really well-taken, so why won’t Americans do precisely that? A: Because 77M of them are so unbelievably fucking stupid that no one— NO ONE— has the slightest idea how they can even walk around without slamming into walls.

Jared Kushner is a sniveling, slimy little weasel. He’s living proof that nepotism should be intolerable— especially in the WH. He’s almost certainly guilty of countless acts of treason, and needs to stand trial before facing a firing squad. Wanna see justice done?! #VoteBlue

Let me put this into perspective for you. All Republicans are evil. The ones you think may be okay simply haven’t been caught yet— but they’re all evil— every fucking one of them.

MAGA: Now, wait just a minute! Are you sayin’ that Trump will eventually rape me, too?!!!!! I ain’t sure that I’m gonna be cool with that.

Can you imagine being so outrageously stupid and glaringly incompetent that you’d actually say this out loud with ZERO insight into the message you’ve just offered the voting public?!!!

Finally— an article that tells the truth about prices!! Prices are, as you know, absurdly & unaffordably high, and they’re going to STAY that way. There are no market forces that’ll restore the prices of yesteryear. Republicans doomed us to prices remaining high forever. apple.news/AMY8plrhWQ0q...

Frightened by the specter of losing both Houses, a desperate Trump is likely to decree that any vote for a Democrat must be fake, and should be incinerated on the spot. Musk will then offer to supply flamethrowers to all U.S. polling locations because he’s a ‘concerned citizen.’

In the most blatant election interference ever, the corrupt Trump DOJ is threatening CA officials and demanding they stop counting ballots from ‘likely noncitizens.’ Noncitizens, of course, can’t obtain ballots, and can’t vote. Put an end to Republican Nazis on Nov. 3rd. apple.news/AeelPV-zbRla...

Trump had to beg Elon Musk to stop sabotaging Ukraine’s use of Starlink. It turns out that Musk made the decision to degrade Ukraine’s defenses against Russia unilaterally. In what universe should U.S. foreign policy hinge on the whims of a megalomaniacal Nazi narcissist?

Donald Trump is such a powerful believer in nepotism that he’s involved his entire family in the corruption of the U.S. gov’t. In fact, he chose Darline Graham because even though she’s entirely unqualified to serve in the Senate, she was related to Lindsey— and that’s more than enough.

One of the things about being an uber-corrupt Republican (pardon the redundancy) is that you know— with absolute certainty— that you’ll never face consequences for your criminal behavior.

If you’ve never encountered ‘Republican-level evil’ before, it can be intimidating. Here’s what you do: imagine the worst, most nefarious behavior that you can, and then raise it exponentially— now, you’re imagining how GOP voters think. For GOP politicians, channel Hitler.

He only awakens momentarily now and then to embezzle more money from the U.S. Treasury, to spew more hate, to cause greater inflation, to start a new war or alienate more allies, or to rape more women and children. He’s always been the Republicans’ dream candidate.

All Republican voters are sick, twisted pieces of shit. If you’ve met a Republican, you need to do 4 things: replace your now-stolen wallet, get someone to remove the knife from your back, and shower with scalding-hot water and industrial soap, followed by a gamma globulin shot.

We haven’t fought him yet. We’ve been sitting around watching as he destroys our democracy, with Congress licking his weakened sphincter as he does. We could fight him on Nov. 3rd, but much of the country will instead be focused on re-electing his sycophantic protectors.

You’ve greatly overestimated the intelligence and resolve of Ohio voters. The same imbeciles who elected Jethro Vance are not going to punish Vivek Ramaswamy, they’re going to say, “Please, sir— may I have another?!”

Q: Wait a moment— Mark Carney is demonstrating real leadership, which is entirely unfamiliar to American voters?! A: Indeed— and not only will he remove Starlink from Canada, he won’t create a fake federal agency and invite Elon Musk to dismantle the entire Canadian government.

I can understand why Republicans don’t think that Medicare-for-all is a necessary change for us to make. If kids are getting $100K sexual-reassignment surgery done free at school, we could just ask the very same custodians to do everyone else’s surgeries at no cost right after PE class.

MAGA: Are you sayin’ there’s somethin’ wrong with that?!!!

Q: Are there really people who will vote for Vivek Ramaswamy?! A: Oh, yes. Plenty of Ohioans are eager to have the worst Governor in America. Q: But— Vivek Ramaswamy?!! A: Moronic, inbred hicks need a candidate they can relate to and get behind, and Jethro Vance is occupied.

Donald Trump is, indeed, untethered to reality— and yet, in less than two weeks, tens of millions of stupefyingly imbecilic voters will re-elect the corrupt Congressmen and Senators who will continue to protect him from removal and impeachment, seemingly hoping that he’ll rape more kids.

The man who doesn’t understand tariffs and has caused grievous harm to the economy as a result, now wants to rename the Pacific Ocean. This is what he spends his time doing instead of what he was elected to do. Vote blue on Nov. 3rd, or he’ll continue. apple.news/A3DcgG9TuSFy...

What, DOGE didn’t convince you that Musk’s a fascist? The Nazi salutes didn’t make you think twice? The years of Mars bullshit, the ‘Full Self-Driving’ deception, the endless disinformation, and the purchase and desecration of Twitter weren’t enough?!

Meta has been ordered to pay a record $25B fine in a New Mexico case where a jury determined they’d violated consumer protection laws 43 million times. Remember what I’ve said: Zuckerberg is a true enemy of the state, and a genuine threat to democracy. apple.news/A4cCa5TF-R7e...

Q: Why have SO many other nations elected women as leaders, but the U.S. refuses to do so? A: While Americans may fancy themselves as sophisticated, we are a remarkably regressed, primitive culture. Misogyny and racism are deeply ingrained characteristics in our redneck society.

Your reminder that Marco Rubio was elected to the Senate by idiot Floridians, who then re-elected him over and over again, like crazed Texans. If he’s incompetent and corrupt enough to please FL voters— who’ll only elect the worst of the worst— he should forever be unemployed.

RNC: Be sure to re-elect your Republican Congressmen and Senators! We’re protecting your President so that he can continue embezzling billions, filling our cities with ICE thugs, violating every law ever created, raping kids, starting wars, alienating allies, and making life completely unaffordable.

Schumer and Jeffries may mean well, but neither is capable of guiding Democrats in their fight to the death against the entirely-corrupt Republican Party. We need skilled and savage street fighters, not meek little letter-writers.

Trump announced that he’s going to cut FEMA, and warned states they will soon be responsible for handling disasters on their own. Trump apparently forgot that it’s the FEDERAL Emergency Management Agency. Trump obviously plans to pocket the FEMA funds. apple.news/ADQIWE_znRsi...

Two weeks from today, tens of millions of Republican parents will have to explain to their kids that they voted to re-elect the corrupt Congressmen and Senators who are protecting a rapist President. MAGA: Trump’s only raped other children. He’s never touched YOU. Kids: WTF?!!!

The depraved Trump administration— second in corruption only to Kim Jong-un’s gov’t in North Korea— is so indescribably horrendous that it’s shameful that even one American citizen would vote to re-elect a Republican candidate to ANY office. Every one of them should be defeated.

There’s really no need to cage senior family members to keep them from voting for Trump. All you’d have to do is whisper, “If you vote for a Republican, I’ll call ICE and have you taken away.”

Aaron Rodgers is ending the estrangement from his family. The most hateable man in NFL history appears to have softened his stance and agreed to the rapprochement as long as none of them have been vaccinated against any diseases known to medical science. apple.news/Av8-HpkPTRT-...

The world’s largest sinkhole is in China— and it’s large enough to hold 40,000 Olympic-sized swimming pools, or about 500 Hindenburg zeppelins. Q: Is it big enough for Trump to fit his entire ass inside? A: Well, obviously not. You’re thinking of the Grand Canyon.

It was all a lie, just like the mythical existence of an ‘honest Republican.’