Amusingly Spooky Fake Signal Name

“They have a very big menu…some are calling it the biggest menu ever…and would you believe it? They put a cheeseburger…inside an egg roll… I looked at the chef and said ‘You crazy son of a bitch how do you do it?!’” Trump at a Cheesecake Factory photo-op this week

99.9% of the U.S. consider Texas Roadhouse to be a safe honky tonk. Only an elitist like Barack Obama would invoke the Roadhouse- protected by Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot- to ridicule someone.

This is great, but Carville just looks too much like Gollum for me not to make this

“I get it. Affordability is a major issue. Everyone is living paycheck to paycheck. You’re underwater with credit card and medical debt just like 84% of the country. If you don’t send me all of your paltry checking account now, here’s how it will get even worse…” Every third email in my inbox today

My toddler finding out the only yogurt we have left for breakfast is not the flavor she wanted

I just found out the maiden name of someone in my wife’s family which is spelled almost exactly like the last name of someone in Life of Brian, so I showed this scene to her for the first time…and let me tell you brother, I am sleeping on the couch tonight

San Fransisco wins on MNF so I get to reuse this yet again…

The Tree of Biberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of emus and terrible puppets

It was the libertiest of times, it was the bibertiest of times

JJ Watt to Jim Nantz:

Has anyone put “Ether” by Nas into this video yet? “Fuck Tommy” and “Fuck Jay Z” sync perfectly

Same energy as Jan’s tweet

So ready for this election cycle to be over. Every other email I get is, “Look here you piece of shit-we just checked and you haven’t given us $20 this month. Do you want the Skeleton Lord to enslave us all? It sure seems like you do. Hand over something right now or you are complicit, asshole.”

“Grimes left me”

Me asking my toddler to hand me something:

Still thinking about Ghostbusters and how crazy it is that my sexually puritanical parents let me watch it any time I wanted too. I mean, Rick Moranis’s face after getting laid by Sigourney Weaver is one thing…but the ghost fellatio scene must have gone as over their head as it did to me as a child

Anything with Rick Morranis in Ghostbusters is the best part of the movie, but this is the scene I always go back to. “Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day” absolutely wrecks me every time

Ilhan bookmarking this for her lawyers:

Show me a picture from your phone that has your energy but isn’t a selfie

Just realized this one from last week still holds up

Me going into the voting booth excited to vote for Peggy, but knowing I also have to vote for Amy

Tool operator….toooooolllll operator….

Today, and every day, we stand with the Somali community.

Stolen Valerie (Steve Winwood Tribute)

The Running (Away From Questions) Man

Debating the most funny part of a movie title to attach to another movie from every decade I’ve been alive and landed on: 80’s: Electric Boogaloo (tired, but a classic) 90’s: Die Harder 00’s: 2 Furious (honorable mention to: The Squeaquel) 10’s: Ghost Protocol 20’s: and Grogu

Many people have (appropriately) mentioned “The Touch” by Stan Bush, so I wanted to drop this perfect use of it from the game Mixtape earlier this year My wife was on the couch with me when the needle dropped and saw me lose my mind as I hooted and hollered to the opening notes Play this game