Phill Cook

Oh, how we laughed when Trump told the Americans that three buckets of Russian diesel would lower their fuel prices ... ... yet we nod sagely when our government tells us half a dozen party balloons full of North Sea gas will fix ours.

I get they're technically good but PSG is football's equivalent of prompting a generative AI to churn out art for meeting room walls.

Ok Isco, you're a genius. Next time, please be a genius before the 84th minute. I'm an old and fragile man who can't be doing with living this much on the edge.

"Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful", said William Morris. This is one of the main reasons why I spend so much time in the shed.

How cool! Roasting coffee for 7 generations. Unless they're being perverse and III is in base 3, in which case it's 13 generations. #somerhingnerdyforawednesday

I really should have had a wee before painting the bathroom floor.

I'm usually an advocate of separating an artist and their art, but a morality story fronted by a scientologist is too rich for my palette. www.theguardian.com/film/2026/oc...

My Henry has come of age. Yes, I have now owned it for long enough that I have lost the little crevice nozzle thing. I am pleased to report that the big head and the little round brush are still both present and correct.

Things I have learnt over the years: It is perfectly acceptable for a short person to ask a tall person to get stuff off the top shelf; but it is not acceptable for a tall person to ask a short person to get stuff from the bottom shelf. Signed, Me (1.93m, doesn't bend well).

I can't spell, never have been able to. There are many reasons, unrelated to intellect, why people can't spell. However, in my case, it really is just because I am lazy and thick. I console myself that I rarely have anything meaningful to contribute, so no harm done.

Look, I think we're just going to have to pretend to agree that the builder's waste in the backs of those vans definitely came from renovation work happening at the Iranian embassy.

I don't want to come across as "kids of today, eh" but I'm watching University Challenge and it turns out 6 of the nation's finest student minds can't identify an oak (their guess - sycamore), a poplar, an ash, or an elm from pictures of their leaves I'm sure they know shitloads I don't.

There's a limit to how close two objects can get before electrostatic repulsion, well, repels them. However, when my dog wants to tell me she needs a cuddle or food she's found a way to overcome these fundamental forces and get even closer.

I'm coming round to Sevilla FC for my not-ski trip. The match that weekend is one they're likely to lose (yay!) and, despite having visited Seville many times, I've not convinced the heathens I live with to see Cordoba. Go it alone may be my destiny. And, anyway, RC S's time in LL is short lived.

The very small canvas of people who will seem him as a martyr for getting arrested will equally claim "this is evidence they're ignoring our cause" if he is not. As fellow hate-merchant Arron Banks famously said after the Grenfell fire "the law is the law". Arrest the fucker.

There's a stone in my local cemetery (Arnos Vale) that reads "b 1940, d 2018 (aged 78) beloved brother and son". "And son" must imply - surely? - they had at least one parent alive when they died. Aged 78. I am sure it's more common than I think, but I find that remarkable.

Inexperience: This DIY task will take an hour. Pseudo-experience: I've done it before. I know this DIY task will take a day. Actual-experience: I am old enough to be experienced, which means some part of my body will ache during this task. Therefore, it will take 3 days.

I am not a man to get too involved in a Madrid derby - my affections lie further south. However, today's match reinforces my view that RM is the Tottenham of La Liga - all the players, all the money, fancy stadium. But, still can't win a match against decent opposition.

Ooh, nippy. Time to break out the middle-aged man autumn wardrobe, namely summer shorts on the bottom but winter jumper.on the top.

WTF do you mean, "downpipe" isn't a word?

Yesterday, Bristol celebrated the end of a near 20 year campaign to get a new door put on its main train station.

Gotta love Betis (even when they lose). Preseason against Arsenal: 3-1 win. La Liga against Real Madrid: 1-0 win. Yet La Liga against Levante: 2-5 loss.

Ahh, I see the Daily Mail thinks it's wrong for businesses to be able to remove employees they no longer want easily. That must be why they were such staunch advocates of the Employment Rights Bill. Say what? They wrote piece after piece against it - really? No! www.dailymail.com/sport/footba...

With one of the three clubs in the game (Real Sociedad) done, I learn what I already suspected: The right thing to do is learn some rudimentary Basque before seeing the other two. I'm as thick as mince with no head for languages. But, dena ematera nago as they (possibly, probably at best) say.

ChatGPT reality: Yes, the Anoeta is famed for its food options, with many stalls selling pintxos and other regional delicacies. Reality reality: It's Real Sociedad branded crisps or bust.

With the exception of the ruling family of North Korea, there isn't an animal that doesn't need to poo. My father-in-law says having to pick up dog poo is disgusting, which is why he doesn't have a dog. I agree. It is. But it is less disgusting than hitting a part buried cat poo with a strimmer.

Well, everything in the article may be true but I quit when their CEO started doing publicity shots with Nigel Farage. www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

The rat in the compost bin understands the rules: You stay there, we're good. You decide to change lanes and head for the house: Our relationship will quickly sour. Out will come the Nutella and traps. Let's hope the mice that have just moved in upstairs in the workshop understand this too.

Meh. Arrive home from a day out at Stamford Bridge (not as nice a stadium as I'd expected) to find a letter from my old undergrad uni. Their outreach algorithm has decided I am now old enough to be fodder for "would you like to leave us money in your will?" spam. No, no I wouldn't is the answer.

I'm a neutral here but so far I'd say Sociedad is creating kore chances. 1-1 HT. Good game.

27 years. 27 years of "why are you keeping that crap?" washed away as I smuggly return old faithful to the shelf for safe storage until 2081.

I've just had the back door open to allow the dog in and out as she seeks shade. At the same time, I've been boiling up some chicken breasts as she's too posh just to eat kibble. What I'm saying is: If you're in Bristol and wondering where all the flies have gone, they're in my kitchen.

Good.

Rain. Beautiful, torrential, overflowing-the-gutter rain. Welcome back my friend.

This is Blue. She's just won 3rd place at the Umberleigh village fete dog show - dog with the waggiest tail category. Never more proud. Great foundations to build on for next year.

We're painting the inside of our front door. We've chosen one of those colours that is indiscernible from white but has its own name, so is 5x the price of white.

I have had the pleasure of removing maybe a dozen toilets in my life. Learning: It's not as gross as you think. I've just had to remove my first SaniFlo. Learning: F*ck me that's gross., much MUCH worse than I could possibly have imagined.

#AllAboutSpainInASongOrMovie Mamma Mia! Here Vigo Again!

This spring half term my wife had to travel somewhere very exotic. For reasons we couldn't join. Rather than mooch around at home I levelled up and took my son to see Real Madrid at the Bernabeu while she was away. This made me the best dad ever, and hated by my wife. We don't mention it.

No win for Argentina. No golden boot for Messi. They leave with what they deserve. Well played Spain!!!!

This is Penguino. As you can tell, he is Spanish and loves football. "So, why the sad face?" I hear you ask. Well, Penguino had his heart set on Spain thrashing England 27-0 in the final. Sadly it is not to be. Next time Penguino, next time. For now, just enjoy Spain beating Argentina.

If anyone needs a case study in how social media works, yesterday's fact-cherry-picking villification of Harry Kane and attendant linking of Erling Haaland to the 2nd coming on here, mostly by people who had never heard of either of them, is a perfect example.

Jude Bellingham has now reached the point where, if he comes round, I'll happily make him a cup of tea in my favourite mug. Anyway, TFFT.