[mf dwowd]

jesus just saves, only Satan invests.

if you write a three page docx step by step job guide for me in a serif font, i don't like you. just use arial. stop trying to be fancy

bold chex should not have done that weird garlic & herb chex, texture all off. could have just made half the bag rye chips and left the rest alone, that's bold enough. we live in unprecedented times, there's no need for my chex to be so bold

i got four pockets, and three have lighters in them. sorry if i stole your lighter

don't tell me not to drink a whole box of wine; you don't drink a whole box of wine. stop projecting

happy valentine's day to zazie beetz and zazie beetz only, i hope she has a wonderful day. well, i guess happy valentine's to my gf, too. but zazie first

i really can't think of anything that gets me more irrationally furious than listening to pam bondi speak

not to get too political on a sunday, but anyone who believes white people having privilege is more important than: children in cages law abiding citizens being murdered in the street in broad daylight stripping away the freedom of the states deserves to be hanged for treason. hope this helps 🤗

well regulated militia is still your right, and it's also your responsibility against tyranny

YOU'RE THE MAN NOW DOG

never in my life looked more ridiculous OR lost more weight than zumba 30 min a day. started running 10 - 15 miles a week bc "i dOn'T LoOk sTuPiD", immediately tore a meniscus, gained almost all that weight back. stop caring what you think others think. no think, only feel. in all things, blessed be

catch me at a karaoke dive changing voices to do every part of "gold" from memory FLY AS A JET, BOI BETTER TREAT ME WITH RESPECT

scott bessent is a weak, spineless little bitch. in one week went from "investigating the fed chair will make a mess" to "IF i said that, i was wrong." unbelievable, these people are all traitors for a tiny bit of political capital. string him up next to rubio, start with the soulless sellouts.

ain't no damn way bryan harbison thought those girls were 18, have you seen their pics?! fucking predator, and now a family is mourning the loss of a child they thought was safe in bed. typical for elizabethtown, don't know what else i expected. hug your children, and remember they're only children

i like warm salads and cool soups. with some real crusty bread. we need more warmed green salads and cooled down soups

only thing more depressing than reading the dilla tapes while listening to a metal fingers special herbs album would be staring at a picture of nujabes while you do it

lfg to summon an ancient terror to wreak havoc upon the earth, preferably party of five

"when tyranny becomes law, rebellion becomes duty" LOCKED AND LOADED the revolution will NOT be televised (in america anyway since we're blacking out news broadcasts to our citizens now and have to bootleg them from fucking canada), but we WILL meme it on tiktok.

presidente petro, ven a sacar nos basura POR FAVOR ¡ni un paso atrás, liberación o muerte!

Marco Rubio is reportedly saying Maduro will stand trial in US courts. Which means it’s now the US administration’s position that US courts can hold foreign presidents, but not the US president, accountable for crimes.

and now I'm also remembering the stop in Goodland where I asked a server if the slaw was mayo slaw or vinegar slaw. she looked at me like i had two heads and said, "let me ask the kitchen." came back a few minutes later and said, "it's cole slaw." started questioning my entire life in that moment.

i need one shrimp taco STAT. hold the shrimp, add extra taco

calling cigarettes the "plant-based alternative to vapes" just to piss off millennials

me in an argument: no no no, you're misunderstanding me. i definitely don't think i'm always right. i ABSOLUTELY think everyone else is usually wrong. them: CORPORATE NEEDS YOU TO FIND THE DIFFERENCES IN THESE TWO PICTURES

a happy solstice and a merry sol invictus to you all ♥️ blessed be 🤘🌲

something in the slum went RUM PUM-PUM-PUM PUM the rza played his drum like RUM PUM-PUM-PUM PUM

just fried two eggs in a cast iron skillet with no oil, i'm fucking unstoppable

some of y'all grew up without learning the fable of rock soup, AND IT SHOWS

return the means of production to the people IMMEDIATELY or suffer the consequences

👇🏽

Antifa's girlfriend

if i could manage my life half as well as i do a product, my life would be fucking AWESOME, but life is a bug, not a feature.

the compression socks stay ON

“According to a 2019 USDA report, every dollar in new SNAP benefits increases GDP by $1.50 in a weak economy.” “SNAP benefits are one of the fastest, most effective forms of economic stimulus because they get money into the economy quickly during a recession.” ~Center for Budget and Policy

disputing a taco bell order on my statement and telling them i overpaid because as an american the additional cost in medical visits later in life that drunkenly eating $24 of fast food in a single sitting entails exceeds the value of the goods and services i received. can't wait for the response.

i'll never let this absolute banger pass by memories without reposting. no note, perfect 5/7

i like to time my edibles so they hit mid poop, that way i come out of the bathroom a completely different person than the one who went in

after 42, every joint in your body hurts at random intervals

my biggest problem is i just wanna eat garbage all the time. and my personality

shit like "sliced grapefruit with serrano peppers, parsley, olive oil, salt, and cardamom" is exactly why i'm gonna die alone

if you know a dog, you are legally required to tell them i love them today.

"two drinks with lunch today?! guess it's an early start tonight, we're already getting WILD," i say to the cat as i crack open another can of kombucha and groan loudly while slowly lowering my body into a chair

just deleted tiktok bc i used an age filter and it didn't change a damn thing, i was just looking at a picture of myself thinking it wasn't working, took a minute for reality to set in. so if you need me i'm taking off the rest of the afternoon to go yell at birds in the park for being freeloaders.