Eric

St. Peter: Gonna be a fun day at the office!

PUBLIC OFFICIALS SIGNING NDA’s **FOR ANY REASON** SHOULD BE IMPEACHED IMMEDIATELY. END OF F—G STORY.

Something that genuinely surprises me is that there seems to be very little insanity fatigue on the right. One would think SOMEONE would read a headline like this and say "Wow, EVERY problem is some wild ass conspiracy thing." www.newsweek.com/videos/tommy...

Begging the question: Which frickin’ part of Shaq does this taste like? 🤔

Sir, the new machine that chops the vegetables is accumulating a kind of dusty slush of the vegetables it chops. What should we do? Bake that shit. And tell products, packaging and advertising to get the f*** in here pronto.

Has the bombing of the Saudi pipeline been confirmed or refuted?

Pure gold.

I live on a boat. I’m not giant but a little above avg on height. And I’m a spaz. So I hit my head ALL the time. I had a dream that millions of years from now, aliens archaeologists come to Earth and discover my remains, one of them commenting, “Hey Glarp! Come see the dents in this skull.

Those firefighters that pulled Porkenfuhrer from the rubble? Total assholes.

It’s called stolen valor. It’s disgusting. There is no uniform for the civilian commander in chief…end of story.

The perfect Republiphile political cartoon doesn’t exist…

@sweetstella.bsky.social So sorry to hear of your sister’s passing. Your family is in my heart.

You have to love the whole “Iran’s military capabilities are so depleted that Porkenfuhrer snuck out of Turkiye on a different plane and let staffers and press stay on the bait plane” vibe. Guess we really showed them.

Not the bastard son of Jenny Fields!?!

Setting: 1.9 - 1.8 million years ago. Somewhere in Africa. One Homo erectus dude turns to another and says “you know, it sure is hot af here”. Viola - human migration begins.

How the f would Senator Folksypants* know? *”Senator Folksypants” was coined by Stephanie Grace at the The Times Picayune-States Item-Advocate-NOLA[dot]com or whatever it’s called. I can’t fine her handle or I’d insert it here. She deserves all credit for that epic nickname.

All the hearings and news coverage lately makes clear one critical fact - it’s a good thing Trump fired Fauci. Hold on, I’m being handed a note…

Porkenfuhrer’s favorite lies are so easily disproven. It’s a bizarre facet of his dishonest and obviously declining mental state.

If, as an American, you do not feel humiliation at “President” Trump’s behavior on the stage with the Spanish team, there is something deeply wrong with you.

@scalzi.com Read and greatly enjoyed “The Last Colony”. Thanks!

I talked to Mitch McConnell for 20 minutes today. We listed our favorite Powerpuff Girls - he’s team Buttercup, we discussed the 4 noble truths of Zen Buddhism, he gave me a new loan to work on, and then challenged me to snatch a pebble from his palm. I don’t think he knows how Zoom works.

From Twixxer…this ad is a joke, right?

For the love of Pete - can someone tell me why the goal was nullified? (Egypt v Argentina)

I’m sure this will work out just fine. Someone thought to themself “we could bring the disgusting-ness of a cockroach underwater”.

It’s completely rational to expect 14.5% of the US population to attend.

ProTip: If there’s still shooting, there’s no truce. Morons.

Netanyahu suckered/forced Porkenfuhrer into the Iran War and Hegseth is turning it into the Crusades 3.0 Hegseth is more dangerous than Porkenfuhrer because he thinks he’s a warrior for God while Porkenfuhrer clearly is just in it for himself. He’s making a fortune on pardons alone.

The concept is extremely simple: when someone tells you who and what they are…believe them.

BREAKING Iran announces its plan to cripple the American economy: Do absolutely nothing. Let Trump do it.

Funny af

I've been having "one of those days"...since about 2023.

MISSING: 13-year-old Jazelle Vigil was last seen in Greeley, Colorado, on Feb. 20, 2026. Have info? Call NCMEC at 1-800-843-5678 or the Greeley Police Department at 1-970-350-9600.

Odd that Republiphiles are constantly saying that this person is gay and that person is trans and yet they have a big gathering and Grindr traffic surges in that place. 🤔

Turns out "it's to cleanse your palate" doesn't mean what I thought and I owe a waiter a HUGE apology. Like, a gargantuan apology.

Misplaced the date for the launch of this year's War on Christmas ™️. Can someone remind me?

The law is heavily reliant on notification. If you don't want the monkeys to have cigarettes and lighters, put a frickin' sign up like you did about not feeding them! Anyway, I've been banned from the zoo. Again.

I loaned my bone conducting headphones to my girlfriend. They have like 2 or 3 preprogrammed voice outputs, like "pairing mode" and "battery - high". My girlfriend gave them back to me and the voice outputs are now in Chinese. This doesn't surprise me whatsoever.

Dude just described the Republican party on Jan 6.