Evil Uncle Tim

I have just cottoned on to the fact that you can't cotton off.

After passing my 34th annual marriage review, I have been reliably informed that I am due a promotion. Sometime in the next tax year, I will be allowed to add the prefix "Grand" to my job title. I am hoping this comes with a payrise, and possibly, a medal.

There are so many great new books coming out that I'm struggling to find space for them all. If each of you could buy, like 4 or 5 things from our shelves, that would be great! - Michael 😆

SIGNED BOOK NEWS! Out next month. "Have It", the new poetry collection by the Bard of Salford, John Cooper Clarke. Pre-order a SIGNED copy HERE www.biggreenbookshop.com/signed-copie...

Newsletter from @allgoodbookshop.co.uk . You - yes, you - could own a bookshop, and go see great stuff. mailchi.mp/fb57a69d264e...

I have given @allgoodbookshop.co.uk £150 so they can give a bunch of you free books, and I have paid for shipping as well. Just message them on here or email control@allgoodbookshop.co.uk to order one of these four books for free.

Scott is one of the greatest human beings on the planet (read the whole thread)

We really don't want to do this, but it's been a bad summer and we need help. Footfall has been down and many of our customers are away. This has meant a reduction of weekly income by £500- £600. It may not be the biggest amount but it is a lot to us.

We've always had good months and bad months, but this is the furthest we've been from paying our basic rent and bills. Anything you can spare right now would really help us with some breathing space while we try and turn things around. gofund.me/4e08a72e4

My favourite bookshop, @allgoodbookshop.co.uk , is struggling. There are 3 very clear ways to help them 1) Buy books and go to events allgoodbookshop.co.uk/order-items 2) Buy shares, and own your own bookshop. allgoodbookshop.co.uk/support-us 3) Donate to their GoFundMe gofund.me/3c299facb

The one good thing about the new version of the Odyssey (I haven't seen it yet) is that it has reminded me of Ulysses 31... Which - as it came out in 1981, when I was nineteen - I have just realised I was too old to watch... Nevermind, I still loved it.

Scam call this morning. Him "Hello, Mr Large. I'm *** from BT..." Me "Sorry, what name do you have?" Him "Mr Large?" Me "I'm a little overweight, but I think you've got the wrong name" Him "That doesn't matter..." ME "Really?" hang up. What should I have said? Oh, and it's my birthday today...

Apropos of nothing in particular. I reckon £5million should be ample to afford enough cosmetic/reconstructive/aesthetic surgery to stop someone looking like a toad faced twat.

Nextdoor has become the home of bad spelling and grammar. It is also where people post their worst life events. I don't like telling someone it is unlikely that their friend was muddered, or kilt by a car. I will still do it, but I will feel bad.

Sometimes a story needs retelling... And, yes, I may believe this because I feature quite heavily in this one.

As an old person, I am always looking for new ways to hand my personal details over to anybody who wants them. Here's the latest on my wishlist.

You know who needs to feel good at Christmas? YOU DO! They say giving gives you more pleasure than receiving, & buying books from an independent bookshop gives them the chance to exist a little longer. So, that's 2 Dopamine & Endorphin hits in 1. Click here to feel good mailchi.mp/f32ce6a21270...

Wotcher @allgoodbookshop.co.uk , I was just looking at your Comedy Night flyer, and I noticed it still has BYOB on it. Don't you have a licence now? (Still the best value comedy night in London!)

allgoodbookshop.co.uk/order-items/...

My local bookshop @allgoodbookshop.co.uk has sold 35 copies of The Crooked Medium's Guide to Murder - crikey!! They sell my signed copies. It's also in the Quaker Book Centre, Euston Rd, London. Check out this "astonishing feat" "absolute perfection" "fun read" of a novel #books #bookshop #crime

Brilliant! Should I tell people when I'm appearing or... (I'm not appearing... this is a tease) Or is it? (Yes, it is) No really...

mailchi.mp/2fcf119211cb... Here's a newsletter from @allgoodbookshop.co.uk That's my job over. Your job is to attend something, buy something, or share this... Whichever is easier.

Looking for a present? Socks are boring! Thought about buying a Bookshop? That’s right - You can buy your friend or family £100 worth of shares in the bookshop.

Yikes, this petition only needs 3,635 more signatures, and it will be discussed in parliament... And three days to do it! petition.parliament.uk/petitions/70...

Honey, the delivery driver shrunk my legs

It has been just over one year in the new house. We moved in on my wife's birthday last year. She is disappointed that I bought the house a better present than the one I bought her.

One thing I liked about being a shopkeeper was sharing little trade secrets with my customers. It made me feel a bit naughty, & it gave them a peek into the workings of the shop. With that in mind, the cat is Tiger and belongs to my wife... www.ebay.co.uk/usr/warewest

If you're over sixty, you should sign this. If you're not over sixty, you will be someday (I hope) so you should sign it anyway. petition.parliament.uk/petitions/70...

Following a small about of advice from his dad (Me, I hope) the youngest has changed the name of his Ebay account to something less anonymous. Here's a new link. www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?i... The stuff is really good quality. But the pictures are a little drab. I don't know how to help him there.

My youngest son (not that young, as I am old...) is currently unemployed, and is subsidising his meagre income by selling stuff on Ebay. Now, I don't expect you all to rush to buy something, but if you wouldn't mind spreading the word, please. www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?i...

Sometimes, I like to do a "Smile Test" in shops. Here are today's results. (not counting me) Aubrey Allen (local butchers +) 4 people smiling (3 staff, 1 customer) M&S Food Hall. 0 smiling (1 lady seemed offended when she saw me smiling) Tesco Express. 2 people smiling. Draw your own conclusions.

as we have a few new followers i thought i had better tell you about the shop... 2019: The co-op is formed When a popular local bookshop (The Big Green Bookshop) moved away from the area at the end of 2018, it left Wood Green and Turnpike Lane without a bookshop.

I revisited this petition to see if it'd had any new signatures. It had, but not enough. I noticed two things of interest to me. 1) The creator shares a name with an ex-girlfriend. 2) the finishing day is the day after my birthday. Coincidence? Yes. Sign it now petition.parliament.uk/petitions/70...

One of the best things about turning 60 in London, was that I got free(ish) travel on London Transport. Then I moved to Royal Leamington Spa, and - guess what - I have to pay like a peasant! Well, here's a petition to put that to rights. petition.parliament.uk/petitions/70...

Dear all. Holiday not going quite as planned. Got an interesting souvenir. Wish you were here. (instead of me) Love E.U. Tim

My new passport photo has arrived. Not sure why I need a passport, but hey...

Since retiring, I have either a) taken up bodybuilding. b) started playing with AI. Or c) been abducted by aliens, who have fed me nothing but kale and steroids for the last year.

Apologies to anyone who is fighting against the rise of AI. But I've been playing...

Coming soon to a bookshop near you...

Day five of my Bluesky experience. And - thanks to @bearfacedlady.bsky.social - I feel right at home. I shall now stop with the "Day Number Thing"

is there a quick way of finding the people I follow on Twatter on Bluesky?

Day four for me on Bluesky. I told my wife that nobody had been rude to me on this platform. "That's because most of them haven't met you," she said. My faith in humanity has been - if not fully restored - bolstered.

Day three of Bluesky. I have followed people and some have followed me back. This seems too normal. I feel a sense of impending dread.

Here's a newsletter from the @allgoodbookshop.co.uk mailchi.mp/89cef0868fae... Go there. Buy things

You need to read the whole thread.