Feeney

Shiver me timbers, it fills me heart knowing a Mrs Right lass ‘tis be out thar somewhere anchored in a distant port eyeing for me bountiful booty, savvy? 🏴‍☠️🦜 🎵 Buffalo Soldier, in the heart of America… 🎶

These times seem to call for a Dryer sense of humor…

Quack Quack here…

Does it make a difference if I refer to the events in LA against ICE as just being done by tourists? Does that sound stupid? I mean California is pretty notorious for being a tourist Mecca. Asking for a Capital Police friend…

I know it’s mostly for clicks, as the two are just basically toddlers demanding to be noticed. But watching Dopey Don and Felon Muck have a hissy fit slap fight on each of their social media sites it’s like a modern day banjo scene from Deliverance but both are happy to squeal

Can we just change his name to Debunked J Trump or the Oval to The Debunk Office since everything he tries to state in there is instantly debunked by whoever he is in the room with? #OvalOffice #POTUS #SouthAfrica

Oxford Comma Sutra, worst, sex-book, ever, and forever. #ShouldHaveBeenAPopUpBook

I was oscillating about posting this or not. But lacking any resonant delay or filter, my moral decay to release sustained waves of amplified attacks to push the envelope ensured I error on the synthful side…

@POTUS big announcement: Mission Unaccomplished Great Britain already spends more in the USA than they receive in return. So the “deal” is basically, same as it ever was, without even any new ink on contracts to boot, just bluster in front of the cameras while goalposts move elsewhere

Someone told me it's all happening at the zoo....I do believe it, I do believe it's true.

Turn on your heart light…

It should have honked it's horn...

Liars! I never got flashed even once using these... #OnlyGotToSeeBlueSpots

Only thing that could make this better is if they were also cranking Melissa Etheridge’s “Come To My Window” on the stereo too...

🎵 ”Put your hand in the can of the man from Galileeeeee…” 🎶* *unless of course you are in Florida (Sesame Street has been grooming me since birth, that’s why I’m not like the others) 😉

Well shiver me limbers....

Surly you zest… #DontCallMeShirley

Me and my inner child (Lee Marvin) hope Earth Day put a little Spring in your step while taking in all the wonder of our sphere-shaped spaceship hurtling gallantly thru the galaxy

[Insert Miss Piggy “Hiiiiii-Yaaaah!” Karate exclamation here]

Who knew the gaslighting was gonna cost us so much more the 2nd time around?

My math skills eroded away faster than the mimeograph ink did on the rudimentary tests I took learning it in the first place. #ItWasHardToLearnOnlyInPurple

How many clicks does it take get to the unfriend button of an over abundant punster…let’s find out, ah one, two, three…

The Safe Word must be hilarious…

Everyday I write the book… #MindlesslyWhilingAwayTheHours

What do you think peeps, still too soon?...

Cause little did he know, she had cut the brake lines….

Florida man still at only having a “concept” of the document he has sworn an oath to…twice Man, when he reads it, he is gonna be so reddish faced…oh, wait…faced-er

...and Ernie clearly licked the frog by that look on his face

My puns are mostly elemental…(with emphasis on the ‘mental’ periodically I’m sure)

Tweenager Economics takes us from Fortune Cookies to Poverty Cookies whilst awaiting his dictator dream date to call

I’m Batman… (Oh sure, it’s a joke, but no more a joke that Ben Affleck saying it…)

Regarding the battle of the bulge, I will simply quote the late great Brigadier General Anthony McAuliffe - “Nuts!”

That's why people call me a wise-cracker...

Must have been a real bitch to learn the Alphabet Song back then, especially that whole LMNOP bit... 🎵 “Now I know my hieroglyphics, sing with me if your graphically literate...” 🎶

It’s starting to feel like I just should go ahead and expect the Spanish Inquisition…

Pump, dump, move goalpost, backdown, repeat. Great for the haves, painful to the have nots. He spent the last few days promising he would not do what he has just done. So was it lies or incompetence (or the most likely, both).

Gave up being super freaky for Lent...how many more days must I remain being just regular freaky?!?! #TheKindYouDontTakeHomeToMother

How many optimists does it take to change a light bulb? 1 or fewer?......1 or fewer?

Boycotting the grocery store until they start buying an equivalent volume of groceries from me

Your child is more likely to die from measles than get beat by one of their trans peers in an athletic competition, and I wish our government's actions would reflect that.

I know this to be very true...

That's knot funny...

Is this where I got the term a-salt rifle from?… #NotEveryoneCanTakeItWithAGrainOfSalt

Can’t believe I feel the need to post this to my peeps. But we live in a moment that I think might mirror the 60s soon, but with far better surveillance and more unhinged agitators looking to provoke. Ignore the typos but take the advice.

I know we are all suddenly acting like armchair economic and trade experts, so can’t pretend I have the answers. But what I do know is that being “woke” never lost $3.1 trillion in market cap in one day. Holy effin’ cripes, 3.1 TRILLION!

Universe: “Nobody could be stupid enough to purposefully risk cratering their own succeeding economy with an ill conceived tariff poker bluff play.” Trump: “Hold my orange toner” #Trumpenomics

Well I for one am not feeling Liberated on this day. The Trump administration has put a 10 percent tariff on the Heard and McDonald Islands which has a population of 0 people and is inhabited only by penguins. Yep, totally focused on lowering the price of groceries and lowering inflation.

Too soon? (Though since it’s a Tesler, the cheese should be burnt or melted as bursting into flames is their MO)

Figuratively speaking it might ring true, but literal puns shall not pass...

Dumb-dumb dumb-dummmmmb… #ITakeTheFifth