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[I get comments every time the bot posts the quotes with "unalive" replacing "kill", so I'll make this pinned post: Bluesky auto-flags posts that encourage self-harm, regardless of the context. This bot got suspended a couple months back because of it, and I'd rather keep it from happening again.]

(IN THE FUTURE GIANT SPACE SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND A CURE FOR DEATH BUT IT ONLY WORKS ONCE SO THEY USED IT ON UNCLE PHIL THEN THEY SENT HIM BACK IN TIME BECAUSE THEY HAVE A TIME MACHINE)

See i can have a leg in one hand and-- BRING HIM BACK

Heaven has to be a cross between a Krobo video and Chicken Winnigish. This is incredible.

We miss you we love you dad. *smooch* Awwwwww.

What can you say about Phillip Banks what the heck can you say about Phillip Banks. Ok somebody bury this.

Welcome to the memorial for Phillip Banks saying some words on behalf of the departed will be Phillip Banks.

I guess we both said some things we didn't mean. I meant what I said, I'm having a heart attack!

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (Carlton Banks as Geoffrey) Wait a second... I'm Carlton. (Carlton Banks as Carlton)

Hahahahaha.

I think I'm having a heart attack. WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!

www.imgur.com/CKCiITL

I'm sorry that everyone can't be as stupid as you Uncle Phil.

BOOM BOOM BOOM

Hey just cool it.

Fuck your father, fuck you nigga, you're a PHONE!

That is not cool man.

Geoffrey. Hahahahha Shut up Geoffrey.

what are you doing?

Phillip Banks Phillip Banks

Yeayeayeayea.

Will let's have sex.

Uhuhuhuh.

Who is this? If anything I could say this is Hillary.

Mr. Smith has arrived.

I had a few drinks rararara I almost threw up three times.

How are you doing?

THREE YEARS LATER

Wow 14 years you must feel emotions. I'm here for you my brother. Make me a sandwich?

Referrers i'll pick you up then son.

I get off at 6.

I don't think-- WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK YOU AREN'T MY FATHER!!

I don't think-- Look I get off at 6. Hehehaahahhahaha.

Haven't seen you since you were three years old haha you know what I'm saying? Woahohohoh hey youuyyuuy you want to stop by the crib later and have some dinner dinner?

See that dude over there. Is he a cop? He's my father. So is he a cop?

This is a black thing isn't it?

Ok I think you know who you're talking to. I'm Carlton Carlton Banks you're talking to Carlton Its Carlton Carlton Carlton. (Locked in cell again)

OK fellas you want to talk about it?

Hey yo man yueyueyueyue.

Uhuh die a violent death!

Uh this is Will man.

Children uhuhuh.

Pick up the damn phone! NOoOo.

Phone! I don't care. I don't care.

yeaahahahhaha.

Yo! Yea. My uh buddy likes you. (Unlocks cell)

We out of Mananan I have an idea.

Mr. Furth can you please sit down? HEY! You don't talk to my wife like that. I'm Henry Furth!

I'm Henry Furth.

Your GRANDCHILDREN are going to need GRANDCHILDREN lawyers.