fredwallace54.bsky.social

I feel like picking cherries is a really intense use case for a cherry picker, but maybe I'm just a privileged fuck who doesn't realize the difficulty of picking cherries.

If we could get rid of whatever standard enables emoji reactions to emails, that'd be great, thank you.

I hate the portmanteau "voluntold." Stop pretending like your inability to handle peer pressure as an adult absolves you of having make a decision yourself.

I sure wish I could just decide that I don't like doing my job and take a recess until after midterms. If that's how the government runs, tell me why should I even pay taxes?

So many women's dating profiles mention that they're "the funniest person" and I think that might be a red flag, but I don't know what for.

Tarantino would have more success if he weren't obsessed with defeat.

Can't wait to see what our limp-dick agreement with Iran is. Trump is weak. Just going on record saying our president is a whiny, shitty little man.

Dunno when you most recently watched The Brave Little Toaster, but the appliances mostly hate eachother, and the movie opens with them bullying the air conditioner to death and saying "he was mean anyway."

I played drums once but there were no repercussions.

90s Movie 2: In a Big City This Time

Someone explain to me why we allow our congress to be "out of session?" It's a year-round job; it should be up to leadership to make sure quorum is maintained at all times.

"It's too dark, and it has too much plants," Brian Wilson said. The other Forest Boys nodded. They'd have to find a new name.

I love when simple order confirmation emails use shock language. Minding my business ordering some mustache wax and get a "Brace Yourself For Imminent Goodness" message.

BRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHM holy shit that muscle car just hit 17mph did you see that.

Every year V For Vendetta is a more depressing watch and a more prescient story.

The art of the deal, folks.

I was against kings before it was cool.

The next RE game should be called "Resident Evil: sIX" to keep the Roman numeral theme and confuse the hell out of people.

I'm creating a Wordle variant where you have one guess to pick the one-letter word of the day. Try it out in the comments below!

I'm antifascist. Since this is apparently an admission that I'm a terrorist, I expect I'll be arrested soon; a competent administration would see to detaining a self-declared terrorist. Your move, coppers.

NIN's Tron: Ares soundtrack slaps and release the Epstein Files.

It's sad to imagine future generations reading a textbook chapter on the failing of American democracy and having to learn about Kirk's death as an inflection point, when he otherwise could have been forgotten as part of a sea of political opportunist podcasters.

Hey, just thought I'd offer a nice service. Comment your password below and I'll let you know if it's been compromised as part of a data breach.

Surnames are assigned at birth. Remember that when woke Christians try to push their agenda of changing names through the marriage hoax. Sad.

Same shit different day. Today everyone's like, "Release the Epstein files!" Just yesterday these same people were like, "Release the Snyder cut!"

The weird thing about MLK Jr's records is that Trump isn't in them; you're thinking of the Epstein records.

I'm going to start a preemptive GoFundMe for the legal defense of whomever leaks the Epstein files.

Name a Williams-scored movie where the soundtrack isn't the best part of the movie.

A reminder as we all get jazzed about al there being another moderate pope: he's still the leader of an awful organization, and he still is anti-LGBTQ. We can be happy that he's the best the world could hope for, but still sad that Catholics are a blight on the world.

So, I guess Trump is going to get Switch 2s manufactured in the US now? Right? ...RIGHT?

I could make agreements that I got some more of these, but definitely not a BINGO.

Haha Musk, you dumb idiot.

If they're gonna use "libs" as a dirty word, I guess that makes them the "cons."

Maybe we should just stop paying taxes if they're going to gut literally every benefit we want.

God knew what he was doing when he made "heart" rhyme with "fart."

#CEOlivesmatter lol jk