Gavalaaaa!

Hey, Tim Apple - go fuck yourself, you pathetic coward.

It was inevitable, wasn't it🙄 Of course the Telegraph would run with something like this👇 So let's remove some of the rose-tinted spectacles and also look at some of that data comparing 1976 with modern heat waves Because the 1976 nostalgia porn is wearing a bit thin at this stage 🧵1/23

Nigel Farage Listens to the News

Idiocracy. Jesus wept

It’s the FA Cup final today!

Please retweet.

Chuck is preaching here.

I hear that JD Vance has been giving David Beckham advice on Twitter about how to put spin on a free kick to bend the ball properly

If Bruce Springsteen doesn’t change the words of his song to “Everybody has a Hungary Heart” during his current tour, then he really is missing a trick.

Dear Hungary: the entire world is watching. No pressure

Whoops, accidentally hit the repost button

Of course he doesn’t know the meaning of what he is saying. He comes out with these phrases because he thinks they sound cool and well hard. Another one of his favourites is “kinetic strikes”, like you can kill any innocent fisherman you like provided it is done “kinetically”.

Just wondering how much shit the American public has to eat before they finally realise that it isn’t tasty or nutritious, it is bad for them, and they are generally tired of eating shit and don’t want to eat shit any more.

“The only thing prohibiting swimming in the piranha-infested lake are the piranhas eating the swimmers. The lake is open for swimming should the piranhas not do that.”

Is there not a single brave reporter out there in the press pool who will say “Mr President, when you describe the situation in Iran as an “excursion”, you do mean “incursion”, don’t you?” Instead of just repeating it like everyone thinks that the President getting words wrong is totally normal

If you see a hornet’s nest in a tree, then unless the hornets are actually attacking you, you leave it the fuck alone. Who knew that, like stupid kids, steaming in gung-ho yelling “yee-ha!” then cutting it down and smashing it with hammers might lead to some very bad things happening?

I know a few electric car owners who are going to be super-smug in the morning.

This is precisely what he is talking about, because there are no other alternative explanations. He is saying, surrender unconditionally and let me choose your new leader, or the women and children get it, Gaza-style.

Please read this full thread to give you an insight into the malevolence of shit-rags like the Sun and Express. And to arm yourself with the facts so you can swiftly shoot down any ignorant arguments you might face from the gammonati.

Be right back. Gonna punch my neighbor before he can punch me for getting punched by some other guy.

Blind loyalty and competence are not happy bedfellows.

“This has been a party political broadcast on behalf of the Green Party”.

Dear Gorton and Denton voters: let’s assume you want to give Starmer a bloody nose. You could vote for a local lass who will work her arse off for you as your MP. Or vote for a fascist grifter who will give you the same amount of attention as Farage gives Clacton i.e. fuck all squared. Over to you.

There no such thing as a perfect thre…

Stephen Miller is hate-watching this Bad Bunny half time show right now and thinking “if only ICE were there right now, our quotas would be through the roof”

Go Seahawks!

Essential viewing. Hilarious and chilling simultaneously. America - this is your president. Have you got any idea, truly, what damage he is doing to your global standing?

Everything is so depressing right now. Fortunately the BBC is playing a ‘Dolly Parton at 80’ tribute programme on the telly right now and it’s like a timely reminder that, obviously, not all Americans are absolute fucking bastards.

This murder video needs to be seen in every single corner of the world.

ICE executing another US citizen, because he had the nerve to film them. This video needs to do the rounds, difficult as it is to watch. Because this is murder. There were five people on top of him, he was no threat, they pulled his gun out of his waistband, and then just shot him dead for funsies.

Of course Trump should apologize to the NATO countries who sent troops who died on the frontline. Also of course, he will never apologize. As a Roy Cohn disciple, he lives his life by the mantra of “never compromise, never apologize”. He’s not man enough to say sorry. He is just a piece of shit.

In the words of James, two traithfuls won tonight - fair play to Stephen who chose friendship over cash. #TheTraitors

OK, that’s the TV licence direct debit cancelled, you utter BBC bastards. You can NOT leave us hanging like that without consequences. #TheTraitors

It’s now time for all UEFA footballing nations to tell Trump and Infantino to go fuck themselves, withdraw from the FIFA World Cup this summer, and hold another Euros instead.

I see that we are at the ‘gassing babies and then lying about it’ stage of making America great again.

Has anyone, in the context purely of the grammatical adjective, ever been more “divorced” than Elon Musk? Divorcissimus

Top tip to any future Traitors contestants. Most people at the round table don’t have a scooby, and are just itching for an excuse to write someone’s name in chalk. If you go all angry, condescending and bitchy, chances are it will be your name. Harriet went full Fiona and found out. #TheTraitors

If the USA situation right now was a movie, I don’t think anyone would have any serious trouble answering this question:

The Minneapolis ICE murderer, Jonathan Ross, is now going to be looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life. Which, if he doesn’t get immediately arrested and tried for murder, might not be very long. A lot of very pissed off people out there looking for justice.

Forensic analysis of objective video evidence. This is how you serve readers searching for clarity.

Also, we have always been at war with EastAsia, and the chocolate ration has been increased to 20 grams per week.

If every country in Europe spontaneously decided to sack off the FIFA World Cup in the USA and just hold an alternative tournament in Europe, I would be 100% cool with that.

People urgently need to look at Reform completely shitting the bed in Kent, and view this as a microcosm of the absolute devastation they would wreak to the UK if they won a general election. Stupid, ignorant people can not govern. They have neither the wit nor the moral fibre to do so.

Even I thought this was one of mine!

Nick Mohammed pretty much played the perfect game of Traitors … right up until the final 5 minutes. He should pay his own charity (and Joe’s) £87,500 out of his own pocket IMHO. Would have been an absolute travesty of justice if David had won a single penny, though. #CelebrityTraitors

I’m still reeling from the fact that David did not get a SIMGLE THING RIGHT at any point in time throughout the entire series. Not even by accident. Literally a perfect shit game. #CelebrityTraitors

Isn’t it refreshing to have someone appointed into a position of political power in the USA who isn’t an absolute weapons grade bell-end