General Bummers

Fun fact about me: I can NOT say the word “statistics” when I’m anxious. Physically cannot get that word out of my mouth.

So pro-life means jailing women who miscarry but shrugging when the deranged president says “a whole civilization will die tonight.” Do I have that right?

The President of the United States is threatening to commit war crimes and wipe out a "whole civilization" — all because he started a disastrous war of his own making and had no plan and no strategy for how to end it. This is abhorrent, and the American people do not support this.

I’ve been smelling phantom cigarette smoke for about a week now, and I can’t help but think it’s my delayed karma for making my boyfriend leave the Russian Circles show he accidentally bought us 4 tix for before it even started bc you could still smoke in Chicago bars in ‘06 and I couldn’t breathe.

Creepy Movies with Dry-Ass Spaghetti: Gummo The Killing of a Sacred Deer

Lol, just heard someone from NY Post on CNN say “‘eco’ chamber.” Extremely on brand.

“We see you, we hear you” = “shut up about it”

Written by the one man in history, Who's own death will become a world wide official holiday...

Trump had committed 10 lifetimes worth of misdeeds before he ever declared his candidacy. There was no excuse to vote for him ever.

Let’s get this mammogram youtube.com/watch?v=Q97N...

Put a little blep in your step

Fetterman’s an even bigger disappointment than Sinema.

I can count my reasons to live on one hand, but, damn, if I’m not determined to live long enough to see each & every member of the Trump regime tried, convicted, and imprisoned for their laundry list of crimes. I guess that’s the one & only thing I can thank them for.

Idk about you, but I get so jazzed when I see a stranger dancing in a public setting where dancing isn’t expected.

What is Trump’s counterterrorism dork up to?

Why don’t any women ever have hairy legs in post-apocalyptic themed film & television? That’s wack.

They said that to her AT a dinner. (this took me a really long time to make 🙃)

Scott Bessent reminds me of Will Ferrell’s Harry Caray impression on SNL

Hey. Hey. What if his name is actually “Mar-kwayne”

I peaked at 9.

Mike Johnson reminds me of Moral Orel

Grocery stores are taking the Dan Flashes approach: “Prices that are going up, up, up, and away!”

STFU: People who brag about not using an umbrella Thank you

Parker Posey would crush at playing Pam Bondi on SNL

OH, FUCK my boots don’t have straps!

Can confirm.

One of my favorite memories, though they be few, is paying ~$5USD to watch a VHS of Twins(‘88) on a ~27” tube TV at my one-horse-town’s history museum well into the 21st century. My friend, Dustin, and I were the only patrons.

we need to talk about that Ring Super Bowl ad

The Toilet Paper USA halftime show was less showy than Erikkka Kirk’s mournful widow tour

Puppy Bowl XXII was riveting. Queso was robbed of MVP.

#SongIWouldDriveOffACliffTo “Tootsee Roll” - 69 Boyz

My peanut butter and my jam ran out at the same time

#celebritiesithinklookalike Paula Cole and Lucy Lawless

Here’s a little ditty for your bipolar mania youtube.com/watch?v=2bLC...

In my mind, Mare of Easttown* and Mayor of Kingstown** are the same show *Is that what it’s called? **Is that what it’s called?

#regret Being belligerent at the Zola Jesus concert. Sorry, Zola Jesus, and sorry, guy I said looked like Tobias Fünke.

Saying things “have/had a chokehold on” people has a chokehold on people

There was once a time in which I watched Hot Tub Time Machine, exclusively, for about two and a half weeks.

My chihuahua Agnes always has to spout off one little “your mom’s a ho” bark to all the neighbors as she’s running back in the house from a 2am tinkle. Lil betch

This made me laugh so hard, but I don’t know anyone who watches RHOSLC, so I have to share it here.

Cute date idea: take a shot every time a Real Housewife says “move/moving forward” and rest in peace

Gotta admit: It stings a little when I put on makeup & think, Ooh, I look good and then Face ID is like

How can hair be oily AND staticky? Asking for fuck’s sake 😩

Cool thing about being the adult: you’re not obligated to do the elf on the shelf

What’s the disorder called when you can’t not follow “Jingle bells…” with “…Batman smells,” even at 39 years young?

Just think of how much cheaper car insurance could be if they didn’t pay for so much advertising.