George Penney

🧵Spotted at the Ngatimoti Festival in Aotearoa New Zealand: A small human (5?) with curly red hair, glares with absolute outrage at bucket full of peonies. Pointing with UTMOST accusation, she roars: "LOOK AT THOSE SILLY FLOWERS!" She does not truck with floral frippery.

A woman (20s?) is having a very involved debate with a tiny human (2?) who wants to take her ice cream into the loos. Mum's trying to be stern but Tiny Human Lawyer has many irrefutable arguments, including insisting (and demonstrating) that her ice cream can DEFINITELY fit in her pocket.

Any typos spotted in this post are currently enjoying some of the bakesale goodies they picked up at the Ngatimoti Festival this past Sunday. If typos spotted, they'll be reminding themself to take a larger tupperwear container for their take-home stash next year. The cakes are everything.

A man (30s?) with a luxurious mullet is standing next to a very proper woman (70s?) who's wearing a floral dress, pearls and a straw hat. With a grin, Mullet Man says: "Get some of that cake into ya Gran! It's next level eh! Change your life!" Gran agrees that the cake is indeed delicious this year.

Two ponies are giving each other a good rump scratch while five Small Humans (2 to 6?) watch on in absolute fascination. Finally, one says with scandalized outrage: "That horse is kissing the other horse's BOTTOM!" A nearby woman (40s?) laughs and says: "They do that sometimes." "BUT IT'S A BOTTOM!"

A small human (3?) is crouched over a patch of grass, searching most intently. Holding a velvet marble pouch in one hand while saying with absolute gravity: "I've lost it Mum." Mum reassuring him that they'll find it. (Seen a while later, victoriously holding up a blue cats eye.)

George Penney reposted

🧵Spotted at the Ngatimoti Festival in Aotearoa New Zealand: Two women (50s &60s?) are lounging on Adirondack chairs overlooking the festival. Plates piled high with bake sale treats. A jar of garden-picked flowers on their gingham-draped table. Big rolling hills and mountains in the distance.

Any typos spotted in this post had an amazing morning driving out to Ngatimoti yesterday to go to its yearly festival. If typos spotted, they'll be sitting on the grass, under a big tree, enjoying the vibe.

Also, if you'd like to pre-order More Tiny Moments of Joy (The second Tiny Moments book), coming on the 30th October, you can get your copy here: www.swashbucklerpress.com/tiny-moments... (All prices in NZD, which is much cheaper in USD, GBP Euro etc) (More in alt text as always.) Thank you!🌸😊🌻🪻

A man (40s?) is inspecting a fundraising stall selling multiple types of tomato plants. With a thoughtful expression, he says: "I reckon we should get these ones, love." His partner asks: "Yeah? Why'd ya like those ones?" "Cos they're lookin' at me funny." She laughs.

A tiny human (2?) wearing a monster truck T-shirt, shorts and bare feet is looking with great skepticism at a group of of bagpipe players. Hands on hips. Tryin' to work this big noise out.

A small human (3?) is gesturing with a dictatorial pointing stick while he directs a large number of other small humans as they dig in a sand pit. Dictatorial Small Human cares not for this digging business. He cares for project management and is MOST INSISTENT that they all follow his orders!

A small human (4?) wearing fluffy cat ears is horsey galloping to the food trucks then to look at some grazing ponies, then to look at some vintage cars, THEN to a sandpit. Small Human Cat Pony has much galloping to do and she's going to do it EVERYWHERE. Neighing and meowing as she goes!

George Penney reposted

🧵Spotted on Market Day in Aotearoa New Zealand: A man (80s?) with a prodigious bushy moustache takes a bite from a cream donut and SQUISH. Cream covering his moustache and squootling up his nostrils. His wife howling with laughter.

A woman (60s?) is addressing a herd of ice-cream covered small humans (3-6?) Hands on hips, she says: "Okay my little fraggles, how about we take you all to the park and wear you out?" Little Fraggles think this is a marvellous idea.

Any typos spotted in this post are very much looking forward to the Ngatimoti Festival tomorrow. If typos spotted, they'll be happily munching a cookie they got at the markets. (It was an emergency!)

A tiny human (1.5?) has got Dad's car keys in his hands and is off! Toddle-galloping through the markets. Dodging and weaving! Chortling and giggling! Will he get away?! (Dad in hot pursuit!)

A young human (8?) is RACING through the markets. Holding a paper bag out in front of him. Expression urgent as he passes his Mum's stall while bellowing: "IT'S AN EMERGENCY! DAD NEEDS HIS COOKIE!"

A tiny human (2?) is crouched next to a culvert, peering inside and pointing. Asking Mum: "What's IN there?" Mum says: "Probably some bugs." Tiny Human Culvert Scientist looks offended at the lack of rigorous evidence to back up this statement. "NO MUM! There's not enough ROOM!"

George Penney reposted

🧵Spotted While Roaming in Aotearoa New Zealand: A woman (30s?) is playfully biffing her partner's rump with two bunches of broccoli while he's trying to pay for their groceries. Doing comic book "BIFF! BAM!" noises. Giggling when he playfully growls that he's trying to focus. "POW!"

swashbucklerpress.comThis Is Not A F*cking Romance | Swashbuckler PressSale page for This Is Not A F*cking Romance, by George Penney. A different kind of love story.

Also, for anyone who wants to read a heartwarming, sassy and very fun novel set in a geek bar, This Is Not A F*cking Romance is out now in print! (Ohh ahh.) Prices in NZ dollars, so much cheaper for other currencies. www.swashbucklerpress.com/tinafr

AGH. Just realised I've managed to repeat the big duck twice. (Copying in from my notes here.) It's obviously a majestic duck that needs maximum attention😁

A tiny human (2?) wearing a corduroy jacket, a polo shirt and cargo shorts marches into a cafe while holding his lunchbox like a briefcase. He sits across from Gran. Unpacking a sandwich with absolute gravity. He's got important lunch business to attend to while Gran drinks her coffee.

Any typos spotted in this post have just been gifted a VERY BIG and VERY ALIVE rat by their resident little (not so) stray cat, Moopsy. If typos spotted, they'll be giving a completely unrepentant Moopsy a lecture about his life choices. (Moopsy will be giving the typos love eyes the whole time.)

A small human (3?) wearing a Spiderman costume bellows: "WHOA! THAT DUCK IS HUGE!" as he points at a big duck swimming on a lake. Junior Spiderman Avian Scientist looks around to see if anyone is noticing the majestic massive bird in their midst.

A young human (9?), wearing a school uniform is sitting on a park bench while playing an ocarina. His friend is humming the song that she thinks he SHOULD be playing. But NO! Three Blind Mice is what he's playing and that's final.

A woman (70s?) in a fluffy pink dressing gown is walking onto the porch of her pretty white cottage and calls out to the flitting birds in her garden: "Good morning small chaps! Are we going to have a good day today?"

A small human (3?) wearing a Spiderman costume bellows: "WHOA! THAT DUCK IS HUGE!" as he points at a big duck on a lake. Junior Avian Scientist looks around to see if anyone is noticing the majestic bird in their midst.

🧵Spotted While Roaming in Aotearoa New Zealand: Two cheerful bear-like men (50s?), dressed in Hawaiian shirt-holiday-casual are sitting side-by-side at a sunny cafe table. Holding hands. Watching people wander by as they lean into each other. Backpacks by their feet.

Any typos spotted in this post are enjoying an extraordinarily sunny day today. If typos spotted, they'll be editing their lovely partner, Tony's latest manuscript at a sunny table in a cafe. Lamingtons may be on the menu.

*A potato pie is a small meat pie topped with mashed potato. **Lamingtons are an iconic Australian and Kiwi cake. Think plain sponge, dipped in either chocolate or strawberry sauce/icing, then covered in coconut. Fancy ones have cream in the middle.

A small human (3?) is sitting across from Dad in front of a bakery as they have morning tea. Dad's gone for a potato pie while Small Human has opted for a strawberry lamington.** Coconut flakes and pink icing all down her face but neither seem to mind.

A tiny human (2?) is MOST INSISTENT that he's going to put on his own sunscreen. Mum's holding the bottle while he's PUSHING down the pump but nothing's coming out! Maybe letting out a HUGE ROAR the next time he presses the pump will work... SUCCESS! (Sunscreen is meant to be everywhere, right?)

A man (20s?) with a chill air is idly finger picking at a guitar while sitting in a frozen yoghurt shop. Crooning random snippets of a song as the people come and go. Happy in his own world.

In an antique shop full of a world of fabulous ephemera, a woman (70s?) wearing a silver turban, with a hearty, husky voice is saying to the owner: "I'm having a town day today Darl. Sometimes a girl's gotta have a wee day out and this is mine!"

George Penney reposted

🧵Spotted While Roaming in Aotearoa New Zealand: A big black cat is sitting sentinel on top of a high wall in a busy city street. Looking down at all the humans coming and going with an imperious air. A fluffy king monitoring his minions.

Any typos spotted in this post would like to thank all the lovely people that have pre-ordered their second "Spotted" book, More Tiny Moments of Joy. The typos can't guaranteeing that people who buy author-direct gain magical powers, but they might just be a bit magical all the same. (Thank you!🌸🪻)

If you'd like to pre-order your copy of More Tiny Moments, you can get it here. We have local printers in the UK, US and Australia so you'll only pay local postage for those countries. (All prices in NZD, so much cheaper in USD, AUD, EURO, GBP etc.) www.swashbucklerpress.com/tiny-moments...

A big and burly construction worker (40s?) with a bushy beard is navigating his way around a maze of roadworks with a neatly dressed woman (70s?) close behind him. Grinning to a digger driver he roars: "Mum's commin' through! Clear the way!" Mum gives Digger Driver a polite, shy wave.

A tiny human (1.5?) has decided that she is VERY FLOPPY just as she's passing an ice cream shop. Suddenly her legs feel VERY HEAVY. And now her arms! (Oh no!) And now she has to sit down. (The pathos!) What could possibly solve this problem?! (It's a mystery!)

A cheerful woman (50s?) is hauling up the straps of her bra beneath her T-shirt, saying to a friend: "I just need me something that raises me up a bit--" only to see a man (40s?) walking form the other direction. She freezes, says: "Whoops!" and then belly laughs.

A woman (30s?) stops in front of a toy shop window with a display of muppet-like puppets. Eyes wide, wearing a huge grin, she breathes: "Puppets! I LOVE puppets!"

George Penney reposted