Chair Leg Of Truth 🇧🇻🥷🏴‍☠️👑

A lot more crimes committed by corporate entities should have punishments on the scale of "Torturing the board of directors and majority shareholder representatives to death" rather than today's piddly fines.

The most insulting thing anyone has said to me face to face in at least a year was today when someone told me I am an audiophile. Absolute nonsense by the way, I just enjoy good cable sheaths that my cats can't chew through.

The actually funniest part of setting a furry on fire will always be the goofy immovable grin of their fursuit head as they run around screaming whilst the synthetic material melts down and painfully merges with their flesh in righteous cleansing fire.

Almost got run off the road by fucking tourists who were filming the northern lights by waving their bloody phones out of their car windows. Total tourist genocide! We need to start nailing these cuntflapping goddamn arsemonkeys to trees.

Attention all you non-nordic arse-wombles, This is OUR planet - we just magnanimously let you live here. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Being a normal-sized bearded nordic bloke in a hotel packed with asians feels like I'm Gandalf strolling through The Shire, surrounded by squinty little hobbits.

So this week's rental car has obviously been used by yanks previously. The top Google maps searches: Denny's Arby's Sonic Applebee's Five Guys Wendy's .... (Somewhat desperately I feel) Uncle Porky's Calorie Warehouse ... Burger King

I loathe airports with a passion. Uncomfortable seats, useless fucking security theatre, overpriced food and endless fucking waiting. One genuinely might think hijackers and plane bombers do what they do to not end up at another fucking commercial airport.

Hello all chinese middle-class and beyond touristy type people, please to be fucking off to Canada to see the fucking aurora. The southern euro twats are bad enough, and you have bought up like a fourth of Canadian real estate anyways so stay the fuck away from our roads. #Aurora #TouristScum

Untalented artists, bloated yank protestor weenies, mushrooms, autistic Sanic the Hodgepodge worshippers and loathsome furry scum... I liked it better when my discover feed was full of untalented writers humble-bragging about how many words they'd written of their generic YA novel or lesbian smut

People should be allowed to hunt at least three furries a year to keep the population down at sustainable levels. Incendiary and blunt force trauma weapons preferred.

My elder cat has exquisite and expensive tastes. Only the finest high performance pure copper cables with braided sleeves and gold plated contacts are permitted between his discerning teeth.

When I'm in bed I am essentially a cats theme park called "Let's Try To Piss Off Daddy When He Is Resting Land" Anyway, it's 5:30 in the morning and I'm contemplating having fried cat for breakfast after having my earlobes nibbled for the last hour. #CatDad

My cats get all excited and come running when I open the door that their cat door is installed in, because maybe "balcony door outside" is less shitty and cold than "cat door outside" #PotatoCatBrains

I want to fill a hummingbird feeder with red bull and cocaine and watch the little fuckers break the sound barrier.

If you kill someone who claims prescience (precognitive abilities, astrology, etc) it should be considered suicide on their part and you should be given a nice certificate suitable for framing on your wall.

My ID Buzz never fails to impress me with its utter garbageness as a winter vehicle. Literally pondering changing jobs just so I don't have to drive this piece of shit any more.

The air is very cold and dry with it being -18 outside, and my oldest cat is very vexed that his pettings are beset with static discharges that arc into his moist little nose.

Drove around Lofoten all day, encountered three groups of tourists wedged so firmly into snowdrifts that tow trucks were the only realistic option. And the fuckers all managed to do it on the straights. Do all you southerner pillocks get your bloody licenses off of Wish.com or something?

In an ideal world, all (current) EVs in the Arctic would migrate south for the winter, and we'd all drive diesels with 4wd, proper ground clearance and hauling ability until spring.

The only good billionaire is one that has gone twice through a wood chipper and then been blasted with ionising radiation until it starts smelling like overcooked bacon 🥓

It is perfectly acceptable and reasonable for any country to assassinate U.S. political and military leadership as a preemptive act of self-defence. They have made it clear that they are ready to backstab, betray and undermine even close allies, so the rest of the world should be ready to respond.

"YOUR DUNGEON IS FULL OF YOGURT!" Gods damn it, not again!

Getting old is NOT going to NY parties, and instead cleaning the litter box, building a pillow fort in bed, breaking out the silver vine and catnip and going to bed at 9. But my boys are worth it. 🐈‍⬛🐈‍⬛

I really love shopping around Christmas. Been considering a new oven for a while (current one is possessed), and in the six weeks leading up to Christmas the models I've considered have risen in price by 90-120% so they can go on a 'crazy new year's sale' at +40% of October's price.

The way to break the A.I. bubble is to start some large scale public project for using the technology to detect and prevent large scale financial fraud and tax evasion.

If Jesus were real and returned to do battle with the antichrist, the logical thing to do would be to seize them, confine them and rig them up to an intricate life support system that tapped them for their juices as fast as they could be replenished. Direct matter to energy conversion baby!