G.R. Cooper

I am just a machine that turns alcohol into sarcasm.

This administration isn’t even Junior Varsity, they’re not even Little League - they’re first year t-ball that runs for third base after hitting a foul ball. Complete amateur hour - it’s embarrassing.

Why doesn’t he just change the name of “4” to “2”? Then he could fix gas prices AND inflation at the same time!!!

When you want to rep the slava Ukraini but you don’t foresee getting a catheter in your jugular that day. @wardcarroll.bsky.social

Hey Donnie, there IS a way you can be remembered in history with Adams, Jefferson, and Monroe and it would be met with celebrations like nobody has ever seen … #historynerdhumor #July4th

Since team USA defeated Bosnia AND Herzegovina last night I assume that FIFA will make us play 4 teams at once next time.

"People are saying that GR Cooper's books are the best, like no one has ever seen, and are bigly and Teddy Roosevelt told me that if our NATO allies read them, all will be forgiven!" Amazon review by [redacted]

“Breaking News” used to make your stomach drop because you were about to hear some bad shit. Now it just means “ … back from commercials” #genx

Why are people jumping through hoops to call Turkey “Türkiye” while still unironically saying Germany, Finland, Spain, etc?

Oh boy! A new bombshell!! I’ve been hearing for 10 years how this latest bombshell will be cause for impeachment I’m as sick of hearing that as I am his stupid voice Put up or shut up

What’s mind blowing is that there were two guys in his class at Wharton who got worse grades than this twatwaffle.

I’m not a scientist, but I’m pretty sure that my cancer can be traced back to when I was 12 and didn’t wait 45 minutes before getting in the pool after eating.

it wounds my heart with monotonous languor

I really don’t want to go to chemo tomorrow

♫ Old McDonald automated his farm, AI AI O-no ♫

New totally not a toy grown up 4 color 3D printer. I’m not a nerd, you’re a nerd!

Social media has for far too many people weaponized comfirmation bias as a Pavlovian reward system. Be judicious trusting what you read, especially if your feed is full of posts you agree with. It’s on purpose.

Hungary tonight:

Congrats Integrity, love you to the moon and back.

Stolen from Facebook: At this point MAGA is just Stockholm Syndrome for people who don't know where Stockholm is.

“Speak softly and carry a big big stick” - Teddy Roosevelt “Scream biggly and bully weaker countries!” - Donald Trump That moron is screwing over almost a hundred years of alliance building.

if Jesus died for my sins, I'm gonna go get a bottle of tequila and make sure he didn't die for nothing...

Let’s be clear: Donald Trump isn’t smart. He’s a free rider on national decline, a by-product of decades of inattention to how the republic was eroding. We took the American promise for granted, and now we just might lose it if all of us don’t get off the couch and take a stand.

How deep into the spectrum does Elon have to be to not recognize that he’s being setup to be the fall guy for whatever gigantic double decker bus Trump decides to throw him under when he needs a rating boost?

Hugh Hefner became a multi millionaire, surrounded by beautiful women, all while lounging in bed all day writing in his pajamas. I think I picked the wrong pajamas.

George Lucas didn’t write “So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause” because he was a prophet; he wrote it because he knew history.

How deep into the spectrum does Elon have to be to not recognize that he’s being setup to be the fall guy for whatever gigantic double decker bus Trump decides to throw him under when he needs a rating boost?

Remember when the absolute worst of the Presidents of the United States was the band that sang “Lump”? Good times #GenX

Never really liked “25 or 6 to 4” by Chicago until I found out it was about writer’s block, now it’s one of my favorite songs … #writing

I dream of living in a world where a chicken can cross the road without having its motivation questioned.

In order to try to kickstart back into #writing I’ve taken the job as the caretaker of a mountain lodge while it’s shut down for the winter. Hopefully being alone and having no distractions will allow me to focus on work and no play.

Would love to meet a woman with viable eggs. By viable I mean edible and by eggs I mean chicken.

Dry January has been really rough. Chapped lips, crusty skin, getting routinely shocked to shit by static electricity. Nasty. Good thing I’ve got booze.

My #Boomer opinion: foot operated high beams were superior to having them on the turn signal lever.

My most #GenX take is … whatever

Rapidly rising to number one reason I want a time machine, to watch the next season of Silo …

If the “mute” button on French remote controls doesn’t say “mime”, I’m going to be sad.

And now I’m really sad that Bob Ueker was never in a David Lynch movie

Don’t take drugs. I’m looking at you, DEA.

I read that Humans and Dolphins are the only animals that have sex for fun. Human females I’m attracted to are the only animals that withold sex for fun

Maybe I’m a couple of decades late to the party, but did anyone ever mention to The Flaming Lips that if she uses Vaseline, she uses petroleum “jelly”? #GenX

If their tagline isn’t “Incel Inside” their marketing team needs to commit seppuku

Is there a word for the point where the need to pee overcomes the need to stay under a stack of warm flannel sheets? There needs to be a word for that. It needs to be 4 letters. #writing

Just learned that I live exactly one (1) “Baba O’Reilly” plus one (1) “Roadhouse Blues” plus one (1) “Come Together” away from the grocery store. Not sure what I’ll do with this information.