Jared Gardner

What AI can never do: "If I read a book and it makes my whole body so cold no fire can ever warm me, I know that is poetry. If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry. These are the only ways I know it. Is there any other way?" --Emily Dickinson, August 1870

Stop the car, Daquan!!

REM lied to me. I don't feel at all fine.

Best headline of the day:

Two things a 70s childhood in Brooklyn left indelibly imprinted: 1. an exuberant love of "foul language" 2. utter certainty that someone is about to kill me

These people want fucking robot dogs. I was about to write “have they not read about FAHRENHEIT mechanical hounds?,” but then I remember, “oh of course they have—and they thought they sounded cool.”

There is a wisdom that is woe; but there is a woe that is madness.

I used to self-medicate my feelings away with alcohol and drugs. I really miss those days

Record of the day

Jesus Christ, STFU. “I’ve been saying this for two years” … “we aren’t alarmed enough” … seriously no one needs this self-important scolding right now. Or ever.

One day I hope to be the kind of person who writes down the names of his orchids. In the meantime, here’s an orchid just bloomed that I call “Harold”

The best thing about growing old is the realization that the purpose I spent so much of my 30s and 40s worrying about was in fact quietly taking care of its own delivery. I grew old. On purpose. And that is so very much enough

Thinking of making a British dessert this week: should I do an Eton mess, flummery, Lardy cake, spotted dick, or a flies graveyard? Seriously, are you Brits just fucking with us with these names?

If you are no outraged, you are not paying attention. Which is ok. This nightmare isn’t ending any time soon and you need to rest and watch bad tv. Seriously

Fun facts #31: the vagus nerve is not in fact the longest brainstem nerve in the human body. But the longest one is very shy and prefers to remain unknown to the general public. Since this nerve serves no known function, despite its astounding length, neurologists are ok with this arrangement.

I am confused …. Do they want me to labor or not???

Wait... it doesn't? Jeez, I owe some gladiators a big apology

I miss Edinburgh. And Berlin. And Dublin, Bologna, Helsinki, and London. I miss being in countries that are not this waking nightmare of Trump’s America :(

I think i'll speedrun the rest of the 2020s.

The state of the world crushes me with sadness day in and day out, and aside from my family the only thing that allows me to surface and find solid ground, however temporary the grasp, is the classroom. The kids are alright. Everything else is poison

The last words I will remember before I am changed into a dark force capable of devouring worlds are: "Let's end the meeting here, and I will give you back 14 minutes of your day."

There is only one person with weapons I am afraid of in this picture

Who knew my state was so dang good at dodgeball 🤔

Well, the whole idea of higher education as something more than a play-doh fun factory for the children of the elites had a good run.

AI and urine-drinkers: a love story

"I can't believe you pay for a search engine," he scoffs, before whinging about how he hate AI google & that everything he does online is being monitored & monetized. Kagi is the best money I've ever spent. I've used it daily for a year & I sacrifice nothing save surveillance & AI. kagi.com

Holy hell, had an episode of Transient General Amnesia yesterday and I am completely shaken. Anyone else gone through this? I was going to say, let’s compare notes but I guess that won’t work in this case 🤕😵‍💫

herein we see the rare virtue of a strong individual vitality, and the rare virtue of thick walls, and the rare virtue of interior spaciousness

Sam Altman: Artificial General Intelligence is here. Also Sam Altman: ChatGPT can make a picture of you with 80s hair! 80s HAIR!!!

My favorite thing about British TV is there are apparently only 27 actors in the country so every new show feels like a family reunion

Could someone tell me it’s all going to be ok? Anyone?

404 Media is filing public records requests around the country to find out how cops are using Axon's ALPRs. Here is how you can do that too.

Finally a robot I would pay for !

My wife and I love movies about invitations that should never have been accepted. Dinner parties from hell, weekends with friends who turn into demons, and other reasons why social anxiety is just good common sense. Here is what is on our list so far boxd.it/Hu22w

I stepped down from the frontlines of university senate leadership to attend to my fraying PHYSICAL health. But, no loner occupied with fighting fires lit by the assault on higher ed, l find myself alone tugging obsessively at my thoughts & unraveling my MENTAL health. Can’t win for eroding

There are days I wish I had a pseudonymous account so I could be as unhinged as I too often am. Too late of course but just know you are missing out on some seriously outrageous bangers

Is mastodon still a thing, insofar as it was ever a thing?

Busy September bee

All the text on this Luddite meme is generated by Ai. Which is so fucking depressing I am going back to bed.

Show me a country that has never wrapped its flag around crimes of unfathomable horror, and I'll show you some books you can read about those unfathomable horrors.

It only took me 50 years to realize that emotional dysregulation and sports fandom are not the healthiest combo.

Werner on AI and the arts: “It’s mimicry of something that has happened before… And I welcome AI to replace all the idiots who are into nothing but repeating, repeating, repeating until it’s ad nauseam. When it’s ad nauseam, please, please, please let AI step in and do the job.”

As climate change speeds past the point of no return; As AI destroys all that is of value in being human; As democratic norms & institutions are torn down by those elected to protect them... "We are powerless to do anything," everyone wailed, even as everyone had the power to stop it.

AI is not going to cure cancer, stop climate change, or kill humanity and turn us all into paperclips. But people saying this stupid shit about AI is 100% going to kill me. Please make them stop.

My first-hand impression of the iPhone 18. "Huh, another fucking iPhone. Woo hoo."