The Halfway Post

BREAKING: A top GOP official is warning that if Democrats win Congress he expects “a mass exodus of Trump staffers resigning and walking straight into Democrats’ Congressional offices looking for immunity deals, or news companies’ headquarters to give quotes on who to blame."

Trump is melting down in this vital last week of the midterms

BREAKING: White House doctors have reportedly warned Barack Obama that he’s “3 or 4 Trump jokes away” from raising Trump’s blood pressure so high his heart explodes.

BREAKING: Trump's global approval is the lowest of any US president ever now that the entire world knows he wrecked global energy prices because Jared Kushner has Israeli, Saudi, UAE, and Russian bribes stashed in foreign banks on top of the pedo tapes we already knew Israel had.

BREAKING: Top Iranian officials say Donald Trump has been calling them a dozen times every day to beg for a deal that will lower gas prices for the next week, and they put him on hold while playing audio of Obama speeches until he hangs up.

BREAKING: Ivanka Trump reportedly never would have helped her dad defraud so many New York charities if she knew Jared's foreign policy bribe business would become so wildly successful thanks to Marco Rubio, the State Department, and DOJ giving him complete freedom and immunity.

BREAKING: A top GOP official accidentally said on a hot mic, “If Netanyahu loses reelection in Israel, and Democrats in the US win subpoena power in both chambers of Congress, all I can say is Jared Kushner is completely, totally, utterly, historically, spectacularly f*cked.”

BREAKING: A petition calling for Democrats to subpoena all of Jared Kushner's financial and communication records at 12:01 PM on January 3rd, confiscate his laundered treason bribes, and deport him to Israel just gained 25 million signatures in two hours.

BREAKING: The Dutch spies who monitored Jared Kushner's phone want everyone to remember that they were just piggybacking off a Russian hack, and that the Russians also saw everything Jared did, said, and jerked off to on his phone.

Scientists say the Earth slowed down 1/3rd of a second after he tweeted out his lawsuit threats due to so many hundreds of millions people laughing at the same time.

BREAKING: A viral TikTok get-out-the-vote trend has GenZ women posting videos of themselves dancing in bikinis with their “I voted” stickers covering their belly buttons with the caption, “Headed to the beach for a straight-ticket-Democrat blue wave!”

BREAKING: Georgia Republicans are accusing Dr. Fauci's COVID vaccines of flipping a neuron circuit in vaccinated voters' brains to control them into voting for Democrats, and they're urging voters to use leeches to suck the vaccines out of their blood before they vote for Ossoff.

BREAKING: Jared Kushner is reportedly hoping everyone forgot about his treasonous bribery allegations over the weekend so he can go back to negotiating with Iran and Ukraine on Monday without anyone mentioning his billions of dollars in Russian, Saudi, UAE, and Israeli bribes.

BREAKING: One Republican Senate candidate says Jared Kushner’s laptop should be off-limits for criminal investigations, and another believes, “We need to stop all these tit-for-tat politicized investigations of presidents’ kids' laptops.”

BREAKING: A reporter just asked Donald Trump, "Since your new schtick is describing at length how bangable the men you're campaigning for are, how would you rate your own body?" to which Trump thought for a moment, folded his arms defiantly across his chest, and said, “9.7.”

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly demanding his staffers find out how much money Barack Obama is offering in Craiglist ads for his rally crowds to get so huge, and his staffers are just making up numbers because Trump refuses to believe Democrats don't have to pay.

BREAKING: Democratic House Candidate Jennifer Russeau mocked Donald Trump’s new schtick of describing how bangable various men are by taking 10 minutes of her stump speech to describe in detail how unbangable, slobby, and gross Trump’s body is.

BREAKING: Donald Trump, after watching Barack Obama give another speech mocking him, reportedly demanded Natalie Harp immediately give him AI videos of prostitutes peeing on Obama's bed, but she got locked out of her account after trying too many prompts for illicit content.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly furious after seeing the clip of Barack Obama making fun of him, not because of the joke about his decor style being a mix of Saddam and the Cheesecake Factory, but because the crowd is 20x the crowd he can get even when paying the attendees.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly pissed because his lawyers just explained to him how pardoning all his staffers means they can no longer plead the 5th to protect him when Democrats subpoena them next year.

BREAKING: Jared Kushner is reportedly asking Republican members of Congress if now is a “bad time” to bring up a little Azerbaijan arms deal he’s been working on for a few months.

BREAKING: The American Comedy Association just named Jared Kushner’s threat to sue Simon & Schuster and open up his financial records for even deeper discovery disclosure as “2026’s funniest joke.”

BREAKING: Jared Kushner is reportedly pissed his lawsuit threats against Vanity Fair didn't scare them into retracting their reporting of his laundered foreign bribes because his lawsuits couldn't possibly be backed up by the financial records he'd have to disclose in discovery.

BREAKING: JD Vance's office would like citizens to stop sending them hundreds of letters a day with printed out news articles about Trump using the presidency to enrich himself, and also for the person sending 6-ft original paintings of JD Vance having sex with furniture to stop.

BREAKING: A White House staffer said, "If you think Donald Trump sounds gay rating men's bodies at his rallies, you wouldn’t believe the homoerotic things he says behind closed doors or on golf courses when everyone around him has signed one of his famous billion dollar NDAs."

BREAKING: A reporter just asked Donald Trump, “You said you didn’t know who moved Ghislaine Maxwell to a comfy prison, but that was over a year ago. Have you found out yet? Will you move her back? Don't you think it makes you look guilty, and suggests you're going to pardon her?"

BREAKING: Jared Kushner is reportedly pissed Ukraine bombed so many Moscow data centers because millions of Russian bots would sure come in handy right now to flood the internet with comments proclaiming his innocence.

BREAKING: Ivanka Trump is reportedly as surprised as everyone else to read the reporting that her husband’s finances are not on the up and up.

BREAKING: A group of Albanian protesters are teaching a free master class online to Americans on the “Albanian way to deal with Jared Kushner’s corruption.”

BREAKING: A reporter asked Donald Trump, “Since you’re accusing Abdul El-Sayed of being in the Muslim Brotherhood because of his mom, does that mean you’re in the KKK because your dad got arrested at a Klan rally?” to which Trump stared for a few seconds, frowned, and said, “No."

BREAKING: JD Vance’s office is reportedly receiving hundreds of letters a day from people mailing him news stories about Donald Trump’s corruption after Vance claimed he hasn’t seen any evidence of Trump enriching himself.

BREAKING: A reporter asked Mike Johnson today, “Should we bother asking you a question about Jared Kushner treasonously manipulating US foreign policy behind Marco Rubio’s back with billions in laundered bribes sitting in secret bank accounts, or have you not heard about it yet?"

BREAKING: Law firms are reportedly offering Matthew Cole, the writer of the money laundering exposé on Jared Kushner, unlimited free legal services to counter-sue Kushner for his libel accusations so when Jared inevitably drops his suit legal discovery can still occur.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly pissed because these midterms were going so well for him until this massive Jared Kushner scandal blew up on him.

BREAKING: Executives at Vanity Fair reportedly burst out laughing for 6 minutes straight after Jared Kushner vowed to sue them because in discovery they'd get to see all his other foreign bank accounts, bribes, money laundering schemes, texts, emails, and evidence of treason.

BREAKING: Republican Senate candidates’ poll numbers are plummeting so low Donald Trump is reportedly going to do a rally in the Mississippi county with more KKK members and pedophiles per capita than anywhere else in the US, which just turned from “solid red” to “leans red.”

BREAKING: White House doctors say that if Donald Trump’s rallies keep getting interrupted by protesters he could have a stroke right on stage.

BREAKING: The GOP Closetocracy is reportedly hosting a party night to celebrate their relief that the big reveal of a sitting senator who paid male escorts was just Lindsey Graham, and none of the 6 still living ones.

BREAKNG: Facebook executives say if the California wealth tax passes they’re going to ruin teen girls' mental health, steal all our data, and sell political ads to America's foreign adversaries who want to instigate another civil war even harder next year.

BREAKING: Top GOP officials are astounded Vivek Ramaswamy would put out a “Believe rapists” campaign ad, with one official pointing out, “Why is he pandering to rapists? He has an R next to his name, he already has the rapist vote locked in!”

BREAKING: Protesters have reportedly begun bringing hundreds of rubber ducks to Donald Trump's rally events and leaving them everywhere to signify he's going to be a giant lame duck for the next two years.

BREAKING: Stephen Miller is reportedly upset so many people globally refer to him as "Nosferatu Goebbels."

BREAKING: The GOP is writing new rules for endorsements next election that specify candidates can’t be more than 1 of these: wife-beater, child beater, pedophile, Nazi/Klan member, or a convicted felon. One GOP official said, “Too many candidates this year are two or more!”

BREAKING: Todd Blanche is reportedly concerned his refusal to follow laws, subpoenas, and court orders to release the Epstein Files next year will make Congress revoke his salary and defund his staff, courts fine him thousands daily, and Trump write him IOUs he'll never pay.

BREAKING: Jared and Ivanka reportedly might move to Israel if Democrats win Congress to hide from subpoenas over scheming with Netanyahu outside the State Department to level Gaza, sabotage the Iran negotiations, and commit the US to the Iran War while profiteering from all 3.

BREAKING: A top GOP senator says, "Trump is just being Trump," by promising billions in investments to voters across the US if Republicans keep control of Congress, and all the money will instead immediately go toward another round of tax cuts for billionaires and corporations.

BREAKING: A GOP senator asked for anonymity to reveal that "everyone in Congress knows Trump's second term is a disaster," but 1/3 of Republicans are grifting his supporters, 1/3 are afraid of Trump ending their careers, and 1/3 are afraid his cult is a danger to their families.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly livid that Kristi Noem wasted so much of ICE's budget on frivolous PR stunts for herself, and laundered even more in no-bid contracts to companies giving her kickbacks, that ICE doesn’t have the funds to pull off the midterm coup he wanted.