man with helmet looks like penis

things people say during sex: “oh fuck” Correct. that is what you are doing. “oh shit.” Incorrect. In fact it is best not to do that during sex unless it is a kink

(giving a speech at my wedding) man, I’d be an incel if it wasn’t for her, she’s the only one who gets me (everyone is silent in shock)

whenever a man comes out of the bathroom I think “he just touched his Penis”

the new Pope will have a great big dick

headed to Costco with the fellas to get a big ass box of otter pops

unable to do my banking on X rn :(

in the strip club trying to look cool by avoiding eye contact and eating a box of raisins

“you are the first guy i’ve ever been able to deepthroat” is not a compliment ladies please stop saying it to me

to explain the US government you should know that these old dudes running it grew up in a time watching The Honeymooners where the only joke was that the husband was this close to beating the shit out of his wife, and that was like the number one show at the time people loved it

made a man on here. sorry! lol I know it’s difficult, but anyway he’s going to do everything I tell him, and be mathematical

me: i like this thing rando: i don’t care for that thing me [lips to microphone] KEEP SCROLLING BITCH

X (derogatory)

hosting a super bowl party with only a free Tubi subscription, the same Lunesta commercial comes on for the eighth time, the fellas start booing

Rollin with the homies wearin chapstick

[at her place] something to help us relax? yeah I got something to help us relax [shows her my asthma inhaler]

[at her place] something to help us relax? yeah I got something to help us relax [shows her my asthma inhaler]

Gordon Ramsay: So Cormac, what are we making? Cormac McCarthy: Nothing compels man’s palate than war. Violence preexisted man, but man nurtured it, cultivated it like a dark vineyard. Drank it like a wine and buried the pomace for rebirth. Joe Bastianich: Smart. Gordon: Don’t forget the seasoning.

wow the Trump administration sure did pull a heck of a boner!!

knew it was coming but I lost my job as DEI coordinator at the hymnal company, it was my job to put in all the homoerotic references in the church songs

you’re in her DMs, I’m in her presence as we walk together sharing intimate revelations of the soul feeling whole and complete in each other’s auras blissfully enjoined and mostly talking shit about your whack DMs she gets

sorry, B Real, but I actually can understand that

banging your mom (respectful)

Gordon Ramsay: So Cormac, what are we making? Cormac McCarthy: Nothing compels man’s palate than war. Violence preexisted man, but man nurtured it, cultivated it like a dark vineyard. Drank it like a wine and buried the pomace for rebirth. Joe Bastianich: Smart. Gordon: Don’t forget the seasoning.

it would be kinda funny if patrick mahomes dick fell off while he was fucking his nazi wife

eddie money: i’ve got two tickets to paradise won’t you pack your bags we leave tonight me: I shall pack nothing, edward. my paradise supplies its own heavenly treasures

having some of paul newman’s creamy caesar

hell ya a sexy persob followed me take that haters

mad buttocks

california doesnt have seasons shit’s all the same to me

WE DONT GOT SEASONS IN LA

if I was an elderly lawmaker, and had everything made for my death in bed and pampers and attendants anointing oil, I would not legislate social security I would just leave that to the masses

and i’m not a man who likes to swear/ but I’ve never cared/ for the sound of/ FUCKBALLS SHIT PRICK PUSSY

me: haha hell ya I’m into sick shit her: even norovirus? me: what haha her the drooling spit

Trying to get the fellas interested in a game of strip football

drinking a beer untill I get high

your qualifications are solid but, we regret we can not extend this position to you due to excessive nutting

Click NO

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