Hazel

If you arrived here seeking something worth brandishing as a character indictment, you didn't need to look very hard. If you're here because you've been informed you no longer exist, it means you're muted and will never again burden my incredibly tiny and overworked mind. It's not you, it's me.

did i hallucinate that everyone tuned in to a football game of some kind and watched an actual army dude literally die in some kind of bungie incident or did that actually happen and somehow no one has spoken of it since

i just heard 3 lawnmowers start in unison as i laid down when i become god, there will not be a speck of grass on this earth, nor middle-aged dipshit man to mow it

oh bioware died now where will people learn that in order to amass a harem of gay people, you have to go to 1 of 3 planets in any order you choose

oh look my gall bladder is drawing attention to itself again good luck fucker i have the tools to remove you myself and i'm hateful enough to do it without anesthesia

at my last infusion as i was walking out of the hospital, the guy who plays guitar in the lobby for the elderly folks suddenly started playing the lead-in to hotel california when i say i knew something closer to fear than i have in decades

just learned danny trejo is no less than 20 years older than i thought he was i am very unhappy

pee e e e e e e E

haha i pulled my groin muscle again trying to get out of bed lord god give me the might necessary and i will render this planet an inert sphere with my bare hands as soon as i can walk again

@hbomberguy.bsky.social mister videos we need you now more than ever

@kbash.bsky.social ugh another short form video release

@nessguerrero.bsky.social my gay black son fish has now mastered the art he has been practicing for six years he can now vomit without making a sound in a shocking turn of events, i hate this, and wish he wouldn't

okay I didn't hit the root but I did still get pretty deep, this will be annoying for a few days maybe I should stop using dental tools on myself now that my MS has advanced to the point of random dance numbers

it finally happened 20 years of scaling my teeth and i finally fucking stabbed myself so deep in the gum i think i hit a root i dislike this!!!! it doesn't feel good!!!!!

slammed a 36oz gatorade again even though i brought up a metal straw to prevent myself from doing that oh well if anyone needs me i'll be urinating

tragic: man seeking zbawienie miche has craving only for things that make his stummy hurt

just slammed a 36oz gatorade in 5 seconds who wants to come kill me

my hair is now long enough that i have to put it in a ponytail to keep it out of my face i no longer have the manual dexterity to give myself a measured cut, i don't like other people touching my hair, and i don't feel like shaving my head right now this must be the worst thing to ever happen

wait are people who fundamentally cannot perceive rhythm actually a thing i thought it was just a lack of being able to fit into a groove on the first try, are you telling me some people cannot even discern the groove at all honestly why even live at that point

@unburntwitch.com MISTER QUINNIFER you should do long form reviews of pokemon romhacks

i miss pop-up video

oh my god my neighbor just got it in with their bf in their apartment for the first time in years and he still sounds exactly, EXACTLY like the ray-man "YEAH!" when he nuts anyway my hyperacusis is acting up again

one of you fuckers needs to give me five dollars to do something stupid with

why do people act like being a prep is bad everybody puts prep in their mouth first thing on date night honey work

eating fresh baked bread daily is doing something illegal to my brain chemistry man

bro why do I keep confusing disturbia and gothica vowels are the end of society

man warm fresh soft pretzels are just the best like a warm hug in the moufth

who fucking cares about mcconnell's health at this point

oh, elderly people are dying

oop just lost 731 browser tabs god dammit

whoever made these pretzels that are just normal bread dough in the shape of a pretzel, simply baked instead of the actual way to prep pretzels, will not see the light of heaven this is worse than midwestern bagels

jellyroll is the attempted gentrification of the juggalo audience the luke combs of white trash rap

@hbomberguy.bsky.social adobe has the chance to the funniest fucking thing rn

oh great today's vocal stim is yelling "pee in my ass" like bobby hill

genuinely if you consider yourself a "fan of an actor" i assume you've got brain damage of some kind fandom in general is odd but being a part of a "this specific human" fandom is extra goddamned disgusting, have some self respect

what's neat about being a moderately skilled singer/vocalist is that my style of singing aligns in absolutely no way with what style I'd ideally like to sing in/what music I listen to isn't that neat

if you wash down cheesecake with a glass of milk i know for a fact you're psychotic

burn gel is just fuckin magic bro I got a 2nd degree burn yesterday and left a burn gel patch on overnight woke up the patch had hardened into basically solid plastic, peeled it off, pain free burn scar

it'd be nice if literally even one movie in this shit decade had the energy of Kung Fury

Just came face-to-face with a Black Bear sniffing at our litter room's vent door(a mesh door we leave open). Wife was eating a chicken pot pie in the adjacent room. I very gently closed that door as the bear did bear sniffing at me. I locked the door, I do not know why. Bear trundled away

3 disc steelbook of a movie i can't watch because i lack physical drives? well okay but only if it's got a fancy slipcover

4 tallboys is dinner and none of you are man enough to stop me