Spooky W(B)itch Heather

This combination of perimenopause and the demise of our democracy is really making me hate people.

Me when I remember the darkness about to descend over the PNW for four months after next weekend 🥲

A haunted house but it’s just someone asking me to share a fun fact about myself

Not to brag or anything but I don’t have to cast my vote to cancel out my husband’s cause he’s not a fucking cunt.

I love when I get push notifications from the GC that say some shit like “is it bad that I want to know if it’s circumcised?”

Contemplating the big decisions today. Whether I can make it to Dutch Bros and back on my lunch break or not.

I called DT a dried-up, brainless, sea sponge today and immediately felt bad for the sea sponges out there.

Just over here minding my own business muttering “what the fuck” to myself over and over

Ate two gummies instead of one (again) and I can’t feel my face. It’s great.

Drinking iced coffee at 1:30pm because I slept like crap last night, knowing it will probably make me sleep like crap tonight too. But that’s a problem for tomorrow’s coffee.

A haunted house but it’s just your manager saying “when I asked AI…” over and over.

A haunted house but it’s just your work Teams group chat pinging because everyone is sending “Good Morning” memes.

The one downside to Halloween is the clowns. I will punch a weird ass clown I stg

“Tommy” has definitely seen the inside of the back of a U-haul.

I wonder if the orcas think about me as much as I think about them 🥹

Bought a new sweatshirt and it’s really cozy… except the tag keeps scratching my neck and now I want to burn it

Pediatrics Corner Me: So are you gonna dress up for halloween? Kid: I'm gonna be the Lorax. Me: Oh yeah? What is it that the Lorax says? Kid looking very serious: YOU CHOP MY TREES, I BREAK YO KNEES! *shared with permission

Making the Caramel Pumpkin Brûlée’s Latte from Dutch Bros my whole personality

Bout to cut my own bangs, someone talk me out of it

It’s Spider Season in WA.

What does a girl have to do for a Carmel Punkin Brûlée Latte from Dutch Bros?

Just a Heads up, the book A Monster Calls is NOT about spooky monsters. Don’t let me pick books for the book club anymore. 💔

Just waiting for Russell Crowe to yell at us and ask us if we are not entertained. This is fucking whackadoodle too just in case you missed the sarcasm.

Rewarding myself with a nice little iced coffee for not calling that coworker that annoyed me, a dried out scrotum sac.

What’s it called when you keep getting all the feral cats visiting your property and you have an incessant need to feed them and make frens with all of them?

The one downside of working from home is that I can’t go on a walk at lunch with a coworker and talk shit about everyone else.

Coke Zero is ass.

Get in Losers, we are going to a haunted Sanitarium

I feel dumb that I didn’t have the reemergence of The Plague on my 2026 Bingo card. Honestly, I should have known better.

Celebrated the Second Day of Halloween month by putting up the 12’ Skeleton

The October Libras arriving to the party…

That’s it, I’m gonna start carrying a sleeve dagger.

Good Morning you heathens. What kind of fuckery awaits us today?

In other news, I lost my AirPods for the 87th time today.

Anyone else ask themselves “what the fuck ass shit is this?” To yourself multiple times a day?

If I hear you say you still don’t understand why women hate men, even after everything has come out about Cornell, just know that I hate you too.

Does anyone know how to use a waterpik without getting said water all over the bathroom? Asking for a friend

I feel personally attacked by Taylor Swift making me get a song about “Ohio” stuck in my head.

There’s a book called Rabid and it’s a kind of history of rabies and it terrified me so much I couldn’t finish it. Literally gave me anxiety reading it. Stop touching bats. And white people stop being fucking stupid please.

Just had to yell at him to stop eating a slug.

This week has been the longest year

My lab hasn’t been outside in over an hour but he just woke up from a dead sleep, hacked a little bit and then spit out a rock. Then went back to sleep. Fucking labs man.

All of Ed Sheeran’s opening acts and his touring band have dropped out of the remaining dates of his ‘Loop’ tour in solidarity with Palestine and Macklemore.