Dan and a half

After Google betrayed decency once again, I was happy to find that Waze was still calling it Lake Ontario. Then I found out Waze was owned by Google. I don’t like now times.

After we all get measles and lose a couple more wars, hopefully Trump does something cool like rename Mars “Space America”.

Move over Mo, Larry and Curly. Meet the new dystopian slapstick comedy trio: Measles, Mumps, and Rubella

FIFA Peace Prize POTUS threatening another war after failing to end any.

I bet troops reading that email assumed the military would know.

After the DOJ dropped the reflecting pool vandalism charges, it’s nice to know at least one guy won’t rest until they find the person truly responsible:

I had my doubts.

That’s kinda where you’d expect the FBI Director in the most corrupt administration in history to visit right before the midterms.

Wonder how Michael Phelps pleads when the DOJ indicts him for demolishing the East Wing.

Remember when the President said Tylenol caused Autism? I just remembered that was a thing that happened. Wild.

If there was a worst person of the day award, Megyn Kelly would almost certainly win. And no question she would happily accept it. Just wondering if she would thank Trump or Satan first in her acceptance speech.

Susan Collins had some reservations about there even being a Federal Department of Pool Safety, but after some soul searching, decided nonetheless, to confirm its first Cabinet position.

The DOJ is currently investigating how James Comey was able to put all that algae in the reflecting pool.

Trump is now requesting congress allocate $300 billion to paint the Strait of Hormuz American flag blue.

The deal with Iran is being negotiated just in time for Trump to be awarded the new “FIFA Surrender Prize” before the end of The World Cup.

Wonder when RFK Jr. will announce that the most effective treatment for measles is actually screwworm.

Elon musk could donate $1 billion dollars to the campaigns of every sitting Republican in the House and Senate and still have $500 billion.

Despite pressing government business, Trump plans on attending Inflation’s wedding.

I’m guessing the $1.7 billion won’t be split equally among the January 6th criminals. Just wondering how much more the people who assaulted police officers will get.

I’m not going to say the correspondent’s dinner shooting was staged, but I am also going to continue to really enjoy not saying it wasn’t.

Every Democrat trying to seem relatable by cursing on a podcast, knowing that you can curse on the podcast, immediately after cursing on the podcast: “I’m sorry, are we allowed to curse on this?”

I think because the jury was comprised mostly of Pearl Jam.

We’re at war now to open the Strait of Hormuz. Looking forward to the next war where our objective is to give Greenland back to Denmark. So stupid

Can a pope run for President?

Peaceful transfer of power. Wait, democracies can still do that? Pretty sick.

Remember Michelle Obama’s speech at the White House commanding Americans to stop saying mean things about her?

Tucker Carlson was either always a decent person pretending to be evil for money and power, or always evil and now just pretending to be decent for money and power. Both those things are evil by the way.

What if while destroying the country he one day accidentally wears a tan suit?

Prediction: Before 8:00 PM EST tonight, an old fat man will lie about Iran, and half the country will believe him.

Forced to live in this messed up Alanis Morissette song: Traffic jam in the straight of Hormuz. No negotiation signs, because he can’t tell the truth. Isn’t it Iran-ic?

Ulysses S. Can’t

Demanding unconditional surrender from a country we’re supposedly not at war with. Interesting.

Geez, I hope FIFA doesn’t ask for their prize back now.

This guy is so good at bankrupting casinos. Maybe the best ever.

The Dow Jones is under 50,000 today. Can child trafficking be illegal again now?

When else in our lifetimes have the most patriotic Americans been the ones most ashamed of their country?

Imagine one day telling your grandchildren all about the great Greenland / American war of 2026 and why we all speak Danish now.

Could have at least offered María Corina Machado his FIFA prize. Are all fascist authoritarians this rude?

Who you going to believe, scientists or the guy that needed heroin to pass high school biology?

Good luck to the protesters of Tehran and Minneapolis in ending authoritarianism in your country.

This Maduro pardon is going to be expensive. I really hope Barron enjoys his new jumbo jet.

Just watched Escape From Dannemora again to make sure, but yeah, Quentin Tarantino is a dope. Paul Dano was great in that.

Could you imagine having a reason, besides whiskey, to like Tennessee today?

I’m still holding out hope, that all this is the administration preparing the groundwork for their escape to South America.

Spending Thanksgiving with the only member of my family that is not MAGA. And I am truly thankful that my dog has better sense than that. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Not sure how Zohran Mamdani got ahold of the pee tape, but definitely received at Oval Office today like he had multiple copies.