Mike Hirsch

Thanks to Looney Tunes, whenever the "Those Endearing Young Charms" intro to "Come On Eileen" starts up, I always feel like the fiddle player should blow up at the end of the first line.

Rio seems nice and all, but she really needs to learn to hose her feet off after dancing on the sand

Sometimes I listen to John Cage’s 4’33” at 2x speed because I have things to do.

Cut my pie into pieces This is my apple torte

Remembering the time that Jacoby Ellsbury of the Red Sox stole a base in the 2007 World Series which, as part of a promotion, won everyone in the country a free taco from Taco Bell, and briefly everyone (or maybe just me?) started referring to him as Tacoby Bellsbury.

AI is the worst. I googled “All the times we saw dong in Oz” and I get an overview of “Ding-Dong The Witch Is Dead” NOT REMOTELY WHAT I ASKED ABOUT.

@joshuajfriedman.com: do you remember the time we had some sort of assembly to watch an orchestra, and they played "Fanfare for Rocky"? I remember that part because the song starts off exactly like "Gonna Fly Now," before veering off into disappointing kids everywhere by not being "Gonna Fly Now."

In the song Bust-a-Move, we are confronted with this scenario: your best friend (Harry) has a brother (Larry) who is getting married five days hence, and is hoping (hoping!) that you’ll be his best man. Does Larry not have friends of his own? What of his brother, Harry? Would you really say “neato”?

One of my main issues with the Alanis Morissette song “Ironic” is how she sings “life has a funny way of helping you out” right after Mr. Play-It-Safe, who was already cursed with a terrible surname, just died in fiery plane crash.

Pitch an unnecessary sequel: And Then There Were None 2: A Quiet 80 Minutes

In Die Hard, Ellis has a nice little arc where right at the end of it he realizes that the whole time, the real bad guy has been cocaine

Anytime Rocketman plays: She packed my bags last night Pre-flight Zero-hour Jimenez cuts the cable, Franko cuts the phone

Kris, of Kris Kross fame, claims he was born to warm things up, but it seems like he never quite gets around to doing so

The full spiked 60 Minutes CECOT package, clean & subtitled. 1/5

It turns out 666 is actually just the Area Code of the Beast

He was quoted as saying “Oeuf.”

I could have sworn it was called the Mandela Affect

I can’t be the only person who, when coming across the name of noted 70s and 80s actor Vic Tayback, sings a la James Brown, “Get ready…for the Vic Tayback,” right? Oh god, I am the only one. Delete post, delete po—

AI being something nobody wants that’s pushed on everyone anyway feels a lot like that one U2 album all over again

I’m having a Billy Pilgrim moment(s)

Motherfuckers out here cosplaying Escape From New York every time they go to a Wawa

Why is it that whenever anyone is BLASTING music from their car at eardrum-shattering decibel levels, the song is never, ever, anything remotely approaching “Space Truckin’?”

JASON SINGS! FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI #MildHorror

The tables are my corn!

My favorite Ozzy song is “Bark At The Moon,” chiefly because when listening to it I can pretend that the rest of the band was pranking guitarist Jake E. Lee and told him that the tempo was four times as fast as it actually was.

Does anyone know if The Bee Gees ever came to any conclusions regarding the New York Times’ effect on man?

Happy Father’s Day! frinkiac.com/video/S13E03...

What I think I look like whenever I tear up a cardboard box with my hands for the recycling

The Yule Ball scene in Goblet of Fire would have worked way better if Sade was the singer, and sang "Smooth Apparater."

If this Pope doesn’t talk like Dennis Farina what are we even doing here

“Fleetwood Mac’s a Fleetwood Mac but they call it Le Fleetwood Mac” —Pulp Fiction (1st Draft)

I just find it hard to believe there are only 7. In my town there are 3 Dunkin’s literally all on the same street

I like you, Clarence. Always have…always will.

Ok, so there’s a non-zero chance that Trump thinks Mike Waltz and Tim Walz are the same person, right?

Can you even claim to be an adult if you don’t have, somewhere in your residence, a plastic bag full of other plastic bags?

This is the exact example that everyone needs to follow.

“Democrat lawmakers will absolutely rise to meet this moment!” Democrat lawmakers: youtube.com/watch?v=opoL...

They should package The Fly with The Fly II and call it The Brundle Bundle

Season 48! Let’s do this! #Survivor

If the internet existed and caught on 20 years earlier, we would have been up to our armpits in fanfic in the 80s that was just Simon & Simon wincest

My general take is any awards show could’ve been an email.

Numerous Teams Express Interest In Aaron Rodgers Playing Elsewhere theonion.com/numerous-tea...