Jim Horlock

Don't forget: if you like your horror bleak, disorientating, wet with mucus and slick with sorrow, my collection, CHANGE AND OTHER TERRORS, is out now. www.amazon.com/dp/B0D2PKDGL...

Today's execution is brought to you by Walmart - for all your arms and ammunition needs. Don't forget to watch the livestream for prize drops including discounts and exclusive Fortnite skins!

This week's live stream read of the Necronomicon Ex Mortis is brought to you by Hello Fresh. Use code SWALLOWYOURSOUL for 10% off your first order.

If you've been spooky all year round, Pumpkinhead leaves you presents overnight for the 1st October.

Hell is here and all the devils are empty.

I've discovered beer-flavoured crisps. That's it. I've peaked.

Im built different. Like if a snowman could feel pain.

Sorry Im late. I was looking at pictures of doughnuts.

It's raining heavily outside but I'm inside and I've got comfy socks on.

Nobody ever told me I was supposed to wash my corks so I never have and now I have corkmites.

Hey, baby, want to resurrect dead on planet Jupiter?

My accountant (me) found a legal loophole that let's me keep the cheese tax for myself.

Don't get on my bad side or I'll wear a champagne-coloured dress to your wedding.

All honey tastes old to me. No, I can't explain that.

A good 80% of my Instagram is just videos of various cooked meats being sliced. I'm not mad about it.

Comic book fact: Judge Dredd's full name is Judgeua Joseph Dredd.

Absolutely loved this. Highly recommend giving it a listen.

Obsession has become a really good litmus test for whether a guy is an awful person or not.

I was today years old when I realised the monumental impact the music video for Chemical Brothers 'Believe' had on my fear of psychosis and losing grip on reality, something that my horror stories are FULL of.

So many fragile men are about to be real upset about this

For every minute the block of cheese is out you're supposed to cut and eat another slice of cheese.

AI is like having a robot butler but if you ask it what's for dinner it sets fire to your garden, says "beezechurger" and then steals your data.

I choose to believe Samara Weaving is just always covered in blood.

Settle this for me. You find a cool rock by the river. Do you: a) lick it and put it back b) lick it and keep it.

Let the dips fall where they may!

Sometimes you have to really look at yourself and ask some tough questions like: why does that fingernail grow faster than all the others?

I feel sorry for the fedora, whose name has been so tarnished by connection to a bunch of losers, who were, in fact, wearing trilbys in the first place.

It's me, your step-dad who works at Nintendo.

What if we kissed in the secret alien graveyard...

Don't. Stop. Thinking about La Borra. (This is a Vampire Survivors/Crawlers joke)

I swear, the widespread inability to tell the difference between opinion and fact is like 60% of all the world's problems.

No artificial kids served here!

Do you think Donald Trump will ever achieve his dream of being taken to prom by Obama?

The first Patreon Exclusive article is now live free to paid up memebers www.patreon.com/gingernutsof...

One of my snack sausages is horny for the other and I don't know how to navigate this situation.

The first half of an ice lolly: a delicious treat on a hot day The second half of an ice lolly: a frantic race to finish before it drips everywhere and makes you sticky

Day 405 of the heatwave. The group chat is just sending gifs of fire back and forth. Everyone is too tired to talk.

Breaking: Nigel Farage (pictured) calls for immediate General Election as Kier Starmer steps down as PM.

This is just my diet

How can you accuse me of no personal growth when I have all this underarm fungus?

I dont wear my glasses out in public much so I can't really see that far, so I just assume everyone is beautiful until they get close enough to prove me wrong.

I made this. This is art.

I wonder what Albert the 5th Musketeer is up to these days.

Tax them, cook them, eat them.

All this talk of eating the rich is short-sighted and irresponsible. We need to sustainably farm the rich.

This hot dog is flirting with me.

From Blood Orange Vampires