Torr

When my husband rudely asks if I’m going to shower after I go to the gym

This girl I sort of know keeps calling me Martha Stewart disparagingly and I’m like if you know anything about me … that’s hilarious and says way more about your level of decorum than mine 🤓

My mild take is weddings do not benefit from the strobe light foam things

I do not think that being afraid no one will visit me when I’m old is a good reason to have kids but it does make me anxious and a bit sad

You think you’re strong? I parallel parked in a busy area with my father in law in the backseat.

I think nerds gummy clusters could be more sour

A thing I don’t know ??? Is builder grade good or bad ???

Reading the common sense media reviews of practical magic done pissed me off

So… this is horrifying

If you don’t understand sarcasm maybe don’t engage with the most tongue in cheek platform on earth ?

Fortunately there's only 3 more years of rapidly escalating fascism before there's a peaceful exchange of power

I love people who use hashtags #randomly and also #unnecessarily

Mt Joy was so good live! And we had really great seats!!

We all live in our own internet constructed reality. Because my very much online 40 yo sister had not heard about the shooting nor knew who the victim was meanwhile I got five texts in a few minutes being like yooo Charlie Kirk ???

I cannot stop thinking about this

my auto mechanic: *words, car thingy words, other words, $895, stroke absorber or something idk, more words* me, master negotiator: ok

More like okay lizard amirite

Virginia is highkey so good

You know what I love? Reading the transcript of a voice note You think I’m gonna listen to your six minute podcast ? NO. But I will read it

What if we start calling people who use AI constantly clankers

I’m putting so much into getting my house ready to sell and it’s so depressing knowing I’m gonna have zero energy to turn around and give that love attention and energy to my new house for like at least a year

the moon is the only influencer i trust

Update: I have COVID

Update: I am sick

Help I cannot stop sneezing

Oh you’re crashing out? I paid $400 to change my flight to an earlier flight only to have that flight get cancelled and then had to pay $1000 to get on the original flight I was on.

On a united airlines flight that pushed back from the gate after the crew was in illegal time (okay fine whatever) then decided to head back to the gate after a 6 hour delay (definitely not cool)

Eating yogurt in a contained space should be illegal

Flying United and forgot they don’t have diet Dr Pepper and now remember why I have sworn allegiance to AA 😭😭

it's extremely cool that the babadook is one of the president's most trusted advisors

What’s the meanest thing I could do to somebody in hospice so they go to the grave knowing they suck

No!

Why is cold foam so delicious ?

Colbert comes out swinging. Gonna be a fun 10 months...

Has anyone been in public recently and all the 20 something go around asking how old they look lol

“Is Mayor Pete the new Rizz King?”

Looking forward to him once again bamboozling his followers into turning away from a very obviously bad thing he has done by “whoever smelt it dealt it” rules

I’ve got to hand it to my colleague she looked at my calendar which had one free hour, emailed the team, said Torri’s ONLY free hour is at noon so let’s do a meeting at that time. I, simply, would have waited another day for a nonessential meeting.

Do the other millennials remember getting those lychee gels as rewards in elementary school or was that just my weird Christian private school

My toxic trait is I can only eat perfect bananas