Miles Indefilade

What gets me is that if trump had put Musk in charge of NASA, the bromance would have never broken.

Imagine This Being Your Last Words

“Wealth is hard to acquire, but poverty is always present.”

We had no reason to be fooled.

I came to the DMV totally unprepared. I should have brought a lawn chair and a picnic basket, like half the people waiting outside right now. For one guy, this is his third day waiting to be seen. And don’t laminate your Social Security Card. Doing so invalidates it. :(

A guy with a red MAGA hat on the side of the road hitchhiking. Looks like you found where you need to be.

I found the beginnings of a wasp nest inside the gas cap cover of my vehicle today. It’s not the universe working against you when these things happen, it’s just the world turning, though you might think it’s an omen or karma. That wasp wants a good life, too.

:)

Elderly lady called 911 to say someone had slipped a drug into her drink and now she was dizzy. Turns out she’d taken a THC edible on her own. “Something isn’t right and I need a doctor.” Obviously she missed the whole Woodstock thing. #EMS

Drinking some Moosehead Canadian Beer. Good stuff. This isn’t political, but all this Canada Tariff stuff made me think about this beer from the beginning.

New neighbor in my backyard. Owls are the coolest.

My condolences to Dolly Parton over the loss of her husband. Dolly is such a good person and I hope she finds peace after losing her husband of 60 years.

Patient told me my driving sucked when we got to the hospital. Coming from a woman wearing fishnet pantyhose backward, I’m not much offended. That line and the little bows are supposed to be on the back, right? #EMS

“Appeal at the point of sale.” Andy Griffith Show, season 6, episode 28th.

Called to an unconscious patient. Step into a room with a nasty mattress and beer cans all over the floor. Start working on a guy and someone tapped my in the shoulder. “Don’t forget about that one over there.” Any other dead people in this house? #EMS

Al was a practical man.

Leaving the hardware store and I see a guy staggering toward me and he gets in front of me and takes a deep breath from an aerosol can. “Can I have $20?” “You can’t stop huffing long enough to beg for absurd amounts of money?” “God told me to.” “God Bless, sir.”

Thanks, trump.

I knew my diabetic patient was getting better when she regained consciousness and started lecturing me about diabetes. #EMS

Patient complaint of chest pain. Patient had put her bra on but failed to put her breasts into the bra. It was painful, evidently. #EMS

Being dumb and drunk is not a psychiatric emergency. #EMS

I put 150 miles on my ambulance so far tonight. At 6 mpg, that’s a hell of a fuel bill. #EMS.

New medical term: stomach fold. As in, “My stomach fold has gotten so large that it is hard to stand up and I need knee replacement, so it is hard to exercise.” “Yes, ma’am.” #EMS

The problem with humans is there is no elevation of comfort that we don’t feel entitled to if we possess it for even a moment.

Patient fell asleep in a running car with his foot mashing the accelerator to the floor. The engine blew up and oil went everywhere. “Do you understand your car is totaled?” “It’s just an oil leak. It’s always leaked oil.” #EMS

Just had a very sick flu patient. I did everything I could to make her better. Get to the hospital and a security guard started giving me problems. “Please don’t be rude to him, sir. He’s doing so much to help me.” That’s what I call winning :) #EMS

I had just read a small article on the WWII hero Audie Murphy, so I mentioned it to my patient. He had no idea who Audie was. Then I found out no one at the hospital had ever heard of him, either. Do you know who he was? #EMS

Asked a patient how many kids he has to determine whether the was alert and aware. “Only two,” he said. His wife started to correct him. “Only two, the drug addict punk I disowned doesn’t count.” “Yes, sir.” He looks at his wife, “Only two.” #EMS

Police called EMS for a disabled person in a wheelchair found outside in the cold. When I got there, the cops walked to me to tell me about the call. The patient pulled out a bottle of wine and drank the whole thing. “Another one, where is he hiding those bottles?” a cop asked. #EMS

Doctor’s office called 911 for a patient. “What is her complaint, sir?” “Well, she got here by Uber and doesn’t have the money to get a ride home.” “Oh.” “Can you take her home?” “No.” “Then take her to a hospital.” #EMS

Keep this list handy for all trump supporters.

EMS call for seizures with diarrhea and a headache. Someone has a poor excuse for blowing up the bathroom. #EMS

Patient had chronic back pain after being hit twice by a car. “I got hit walking on the sidewalk and then the guy backed up to see if he’d hit anyone and hit me again.” “Sounds like a cartoon, ma’am.” “That’s what the cops said, also.” #EMS

Took mom to the hospital and when I got back with another patient, I noticed her daughter about to pass out. I made mom get out of the hospital bed and put daughter in it, and I still had a patient on my stretcher. Long night. #EMS

Of our 4 patients tonight, 2 have changed their medical complaint to Chest Pain when they were sent to the lobby to wait to be called. #EMS

Patient stated he’s been off drugs for 8 days and needs some help. Then he said 5 days. Then he just snorted some OxyContin before we got there. At the hospital he stated he had chest pain and demanded pain medications. #EMS

I frequently have patients who call themselves, “medical miracles,” for one reason or another. Shame that the miracle involves calling 911 enough that we all know you. “Miracle,”in a bad way, maybe? “My mom was also a medical miracle,” the patient said. #EMS

70 year old granny and her friend smoked too much pot and a neighbor had to help her off the floor. EMS called to make sure she’s Ok. “All she needs is Cheetos and cartoons,” I said. “Great idea,” said the neighbor. #EMS

Patient was a schizophrenic with an impressive stream of consciousness chatter that never stopped. “Nothing she says makes any sense,” everyone told me. Now I’m worried, because I understood every word. :( #EMS

Always about the border or illegals.

If you voted for trump, you need to take all that “back the blue” stuff off your car and stop talking about supporting the police.

Motorcycle crash against a car. The guy with the motorcycle was the most cheerful of the bunch, despite some lady standing over him and yelling. “What’s up with her?” “My mom gets like that sometimes.” “Oh, your mom.” #EMS