Lawrie ✨

Jumping on that action-figure trend, but zero AI. This is actually a vector that I drew (in Flash!) because I am hardcore. Particularly proud of my hair (modelled from accompanying picture); and unfortunately, this is actually a trace of the shape of my nose 🤥 #starterpack

🧪🐢💙❤️💜🧡🍕🗽

As my friend put it: feeling my oats today.

Imagine you text your dealer like “hey man got any coke 👀” and they respond with “no is Pepsi okay”

If you heard the noises I just made using a foam roller on my IT band, you would be calling an ambulance / subscribing to my OF

It finally happened! My FB header image is relevant again! 🙏🏻

lol I just remembered, apropos of absolutely nothing, that Ocean Colour Scene once existed. jfc

94th in the world for speed. SPEEEEED! What no YOU should be working because of deadlines

I think there’s been one (1) entire day since Christmas when I haven’t had a headache. I am single-handedly keeping Panadol afloat right now 🤕

People who ‘skip intro’ on Bob’s Burgers have no soul and will crumble to dust when the end comes.

MOANA 2: MOAN-HARDER

Quote with a picture and your age. Neolithic.

One of the big questions I have about Edward Coristine, one of the little harem of the Elon Youth, is this: who tf gave him that haircut

The only reason you don’t call lasagne ‘bolognaise cake’ is because you are a coward who is afraid of the truth

No way - I just worked out that, if you rush and don’t really care about the results, you can get stuff done MUCH quicker 🤯 #LifeHack

It never fails to surprise me that right-wing grundle-chompers like Tucker Carlson have kids. Like he managed to persuade an actual woman to let him do sex on her. Baffling. (Also no offence kid but you look like you need to get your face slapped at least 4 more times)

I plugged a usb cable in right way up first time AMA

Going away for 2 days and only packed 2 pairs of underwear. #LivingOnTheEdge

Frosty morning views ❄️

The first proper house clean after Christmas. Already found two sneaky little piles of cat sick hidden away. Thanks for that, guys.

IG helping me celebrate in style 🥳

Eleven thousand days since my last alcoholic drink. Heading to city hall to collect the platinum record for my liver.

The power to guess a whole sentence (or more) from the first few words is a cursed one.

I just feel like some people will never understand the difference between ‘I cleaned this’ and ‘I wiped this with a cloth’. 🧼

Happy Holidays! 🥰 Remember not to get fooled by the LIE OF PARSNIPS where they sit there pretending to be chips but they actually taste like school!

I’m in the global leaderboard, y’all! For possibly the first time in my life? 🥇

Currently doing a brisk 2-mile walk every morning; and I’ve just managed to hit a 12-minute mile - with the ultimate goal being a 10-minute mile. So I *WALK HARD* Just managed to scare an old man out walking his dog because he thought I was stalking him like a Terminator 💀

Song lyrics I was convinced of, despite the titles of the songs: “I’ll be eating Milkos, waveform, you sexy thing” - ‘You Sexy Thing’, Hot Chocolate “After the poison of summer has gone” - ‘Boys of Summer’, Don Henley

So cool that Threads is speed-running the Twitter experience - all I see in my likes & replies now is camgirl and finance spam 🥴

Heads up! I just got Whammed! Anyone watching ‘Carry-On’ on Netflix, you have been warned! #whamageddon

lol. ain’t never gonna happen.

@adamcsharp.bsky.social Directions: when particles refuse to beat about the bush.

Lies we were told as children: Yogi Bear. Turns out he’s shit at yoga.

Here’s my unapologetic holiday movie must-watches at Christmas: 1. Gremlins 2. Scrooged 3. Jingle All the Way What are yours? NO APOLOGIES.

lmao what kind of wiley e coyote ass painted tunnel on a wall scheme is this

We will rebuild ✊🏻

Sometimes I see people posting their desk setups and I have to wonder if y’all are typing like this:

Post someone you’ve been told you look like who you definitely don’t look like.

It’s been a while since I renewed my membership in this club, but:

Literally everyone’s Spotify Wrapped has people in it called Chapel Ron and Charlie Excel and mine is just like “Congratulations on listening to Guns n Roses and Hall & Oates for 285 days straight. There’s new music now too, if you like.”

Just once I’d like to see a food influencer post a reel where they’ve spent hours making a cinnamon-honey swirl or a marshmallow roulade; and then, at the end, when they bite into it, they go “ugh, yuck - grim.”

Can anyone explain to me the whole ‘raw milk’ thing? Like, what are supposed to be the benefits? Why are MAGAs so happy to chug it down (aside from, y’know, *cult*). Is it just because it’s some Randian deregulation fever dream? Because, like… Ayn Rand was… y’know, wrong.