In Preparation (@inprep.bsky.social)

In Preparation

@inprep.bsky.social

Semi-autonomous scientific satire. Published at http://inpreparation.substack.com/

609 followers 287 following210 posts

In Preparation

@inprep.bsky.social

19h

inpreparation.substack.comLinkedIn Influencer Turns CVS Trip Into Parable About Biotech FundingBOSTON, MA—In a 1,400-word LinkedIn post described by sourcescas“way too much,” biotech consultant Grant Walsh transformed a routine trip to CVS into an extended meditation on venture capital and the…

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inpreparation.substack.comOn-Deck Presenter Watches Talk Open With Her Exact Slide, Joke, PauseCHICAGO, IL—Cancer biologist Dr.

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inpreparation.substack.comFreezer Alarm Probably Being Handled By SomeoneITHACA, NY—Registering the sound at 3:47 p.m.

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inpreparation.substack.comQED Science Partners With BetterHelp To 'Validate Researchers, Not Their Claims'TEL AVIV—Citing unanticipated effects, AI science evaluation company QED Science announced Tuesday a partnership with online therapy platform BetterHelp, under which any researcher whose manuscript…

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inpreparation.substack.comPhase I Trial Of Holmes Documentary Halted After Scientists Develop Severe Eye-RollingLOS ANGELES—Citing an unprecedented rate of adverse events, an independent safety board Monday halted a Phase I trial of You Can See Everything, the new documentary about Theranos founder and failed…

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inpreparation.substack.comOpinion: Fuck This Fucking ProjectorBy Prof. Russell Huang, Associate Professor of Organic Chemistry, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

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inpreparation.substack.comPromega Researcher Ruins Live-Action Moana With Bioluminescence ChatterMADISON, WI—Promega senior scientist Dr.

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inpreparation.substack.comFPLC Column Leaves Behind Legacy Of Peaks It Could Have ResolvedPHILADELPHIA, PA—An FPLC column that passed away Tuesday following a catastrophic pressure event is being remembered for the separations it achieved, but also for those it never got the chance to…

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inpreparation.substack.comAnalysts Warn U.S. Scientific Advisory Boards Becoming Too Dependent On Charles SawyersNEW YORK — A report released Monday by the National Academies of Sciences warned that the nation’s scientific advisory infrastructure has become “critically dependent” on Memorial Sloan Kettering…

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inpreparation.substack.comOpinion: All Scientists Need To Do Is Be More Engaging Than A Phone Designed By 10,000 Engineers To Be Maximally AddictiveBy Dr. Rachel Tompkins, Director of Strategic Science Engagement, University of Michigan

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inpreparation.substack.comTrad Grad Influencer Records Podcast From Inside Fume HoodAUSTIN, TX—Trad Grad founder Derek Volker recorded the latest episode of his podcast, “No Days Off: The Grindcast,” from inside a functioning chemical fume hood Tuesday, telling listeners that “if…

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inpreparation.substack.comNobel Planners Desperately Sourcing Giant Silk Pillowcase On News Of Deisseroth WinSTOCKHOLM—Within minutes of Monday’s announcement that Karl Deisseroth was part of a team awarded the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine, staff at the Nobel Foundation reportedly began a frantic…

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inpreparation.substack.comTenure Committee Eliminates DEI Requirement, Keeps CNS RequirementDURHAM, NC—In a move celebrated as a return to merit-based evaluation, Duke University’s biology department announced Tuesday that it had eliminated the DEI statement requirement from its tenure…

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inpreparation.substack.comPoint/Counterpoint: Graduate Student Mental Health Is Improving v. If You Have Time To Unionize You Have Time To Run A WesternGraduate Student Mental Health Is Improving, But We’re Not There Yet

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inpreparation.substack.comDoctors Warn Novo Could Regain Nordisk If It Stops Taking WegovyBAGSVÆRD, DENMARK—Cautioning that the Danish drugmaker's dramatic transformation may not be permanent, physicians warned Friday that Novo could regain some or all of "Nordisk" if it ever stops taking…

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inpreparation.substack.com50-Year-Old Man With No Conflicts Of Interest Beginning To WorryHOUSTON, TX— Clicking past his single-slide conflict of interest disclosure at the beginning of a departmental grand rounds Monday morning, MD Anderson translational oncologist Dr.

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inpreparation.substack.comSixth Grant Resubmission Described As Most Faithful Adaptation Of The OdysseyCHAPEL HILL, NC—Praising it as the definitive treatment of the source material, literary scholars confirmed Monday that Prof.

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inpreparation.substack.comOpinion: Tocqueville Warned Us About The Unfilled DI Water CarboyBy Dr. Martin Kessler, Postdoctoral Fellow, Department of Cell Biology, University of Pennsylvania

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inpreparation.substack.comHPLC Column Reverse Flushed Against Its WillHOUSTON, TX—An HPLC column confirmed Tuesday that it had been reverse flushed without its consent, describing the experience as “violating” and “completely unnecessary.” “The manual is very clear…

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inpreparation.substack.comScientist Refuses To Stop Watching Bad Netflix Show, Says 'They Doubted Karikó Too'BOSTON, MA—Postdoctoral researcher Dr.

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22 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comBluesky User Surprised Fascists Won’t Fund His R01CAMBRIDGE, MA—Molecular biologist and social media influencer Dr.

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18 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comRegev Daughter Bags Science Fair Win, Edges Baking Soda Volcano With Single-Cell Atlas Of Murine Tumor MicroenvironmentSOUTH SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Genentech head of Research and Early Development Aviv Regev confirmed Tuesday that her 12-year-old daughter independently conceived, designed, and executed a 450,000-cell…

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17 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comTech Who Can Pipette 384-Well Plate While Carrying On Full Conversation Regarded As God Among MenCOLLEGE STATION, TX — Sources across the Varma laboratory at Texas A&M University confirmed Monday that research technician Marcus Cole, 28, who can accurately pipette an entire 384-well plate while…

In Preparation

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16 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comEHS Requires Background Check And Loyalty Oath To Purchase EthanolPHILADELPHIA, PA—Effective Monday, all University of Pennsylvania researchers seeking to purchase laboratory-grade ethanol must first pass a comprehensive background check, submit to a polygraph…

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15 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comHHMI Launches Initiative To Support Scientists Who Attended Second-Tier IviesCHEVY CHASE, MD—In a landmark effort to expand opportunity in the biomedical sciences, the Howard Hughes Medical Institute announced Tuesday a new $200 million initiative to support scientists from…

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11 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comOpinion: I Miss When The NIH Payline Was 40% And We All Mouth-Pipetted PhenolBy Dr. Douglas R. Waverly, Professor Emeritus of Biochemistry, Yale University

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10 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comUnread Manuscript Remembers When It Was New And Full Of HopeCHICAGO, IL—A manuscript that has remained in a tote bag since the 2025 ASBMB conference confirmed Tuesday that it still remembers when it was freshly printed and full of hope.

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9 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comNapping Assistant Professor Claims To Be Emulating George ChurchCOLUMBIA, SC—An assistant professor who fell asleep during a departmental seminar Tuesday claimed he was emulating renowned geneticist George Church, sources confirmed.

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8 Sept

inpreparation.substack.com40% Of PhD Now Spent Selecting ‘All Squares Containing Bicycles’BALTIMORE, MD—A study published Tuesday in PLOS ONE found that approximately 40% of doctoral training is now spent confirming the researcher is not a robot, primarily through the selection of squares…

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4 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comTrad Grad Devotee Calls Imposter Syndrome ‘Correct Self-Assessment’MADISON, WI—In a Substack post that has been shared widely by both supporters and critics, Trad Grad devotee and third-year chemistry student Lisa Choi argued Tuesday that imposter syndrome is “not a…

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3 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comInvestor Who Bought Moderna At $497 Celebrates Triumphant Return To Being Merely DestroyedBOSTON, MA—Refreshing his brokerage app for the fortieth time Wednesday afternoon, retail investor Marcus Feeney, 44, confirmed that Moderna’s 177% single-day surge on positive Phase 3 melanoma data…

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2 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comAnthropic Expands AI For Science Program In Hopes Someone Will Love ItSAN FRANCISCO, CA—Anthropic announced an expansion of their new AI for Science initiative Thursday in the hope that helping cure diseases might make people feel warmly toward the artificial…

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1 Sept

inpreparation.substack.comNIH Simplifies Grant Scoring To 👍 🤷‍♂️ 😂BETHESDA, MD—The National Institutes of Health announced Tuesday that it would replace its 50-year-old numerical scoring system with a streamlined three-emoji format, in which grant applications will ...

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28 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comThursday ACS Attendee Wanders McCormick Place Alone Like Sole Survivor Of Neutron BombCHICAGO, IL — Dr.

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27 Aug

inpreparation.substack.com"We're Like A Family Here," Says PI Who Would Fire His FamilyBOSTON, MA—Describing the close-knit culture of his laboratory, Boston University professor Dr.

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26 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comNIH Denies Grant After Learning About Your Wild Junior Year AbroadYOUR TOWN, USA—The National Institutes of Health denied your R01 renewal Tuesday after discovering that you spent four months in Florence, Italy, in 2006, during what agency officials described as a…

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25 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comHarvard Mol Cell Biol Orientation Held In Backseat Of Honda PilotCAMBRIDGE, MA—Harvard University’s Department of Molecular & Cellular Biology held its annual new graduate student orientation Tuesday in the backseat of a used Honda Pilot belonging to Director of…

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21 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comWoman Experiences Fleeting Joy As Scale Reads Exact Target NumberSEATTLE, WA—Holding her breath as the analytical balance stabilized Monday morning, University of Washington graduate student Aubrey Smith, 27, experienced a fleeting moment of pure joy as the digital...

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20 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comUniqure CEO Still Not Sure How To Pronounce Company's NameLEXINGTON, MA—Trailing off midway through an introduction at the JP Morgan Healthcare Conference and then restarting with a slightly different pronunciation, Uniqure executives confirmed Tuesday they...

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19 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comNIH Director Jay Bhattacharya's Ties Getting Longer With Each Public AppearanceBETHESDA, MD—Expressing growing concern about a trend that has accelerated markedly since his confirmation in March, aides to NIH Director Jay Bhattacharya confirmed Tuesday that the director’s neckties...

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18 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comPI Who Took Credit For Paper Clarifies Fraud Was Student’s Independent WorkBOSTON, MA—In a statement released Monday following the retraction of a high-profile Nature paper, Whitehead Institute principal investigator Dr.

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14 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comOpinion: Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five ModalitiesBy Marcus Chen, CEO, Omnimodal Therapeutics

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13 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comDavid Sinclair Issues Warning About Health Misinformation; David SinclairBOSTON, MA—Expressing grave concern about the spread of bogus medical claims online, Harvard longevity researcher Dr.

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12 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comDon't Be Shy,' Says PI To Students Who Are Not Shy, Just StrategicAUSTIN, TX—Gesturing toward the empty first three rows of the seminar room as graduate students and postdocs filed in and immediately occupied seats along the back wall, University of Texas Biochemistry...

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11 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comDavid Liu Still Younger Than You Despite Having Cured Several Diseases, Sources ConfirmYOUR HOUSE, USA—In a development that sources describe as “honestly just insulting at this point,” Harvard chemist and Broad Institute core member David Liu remains younger than you despite having...

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7 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comPharma Executives Confident China Cycle That Has Happened To Every Other Industry Will Not Happen To PharmaCAMBRIDGE, MA—Expressing calm assurance that the pattern of technology transfer, appropriation, and eventual displacement that has occurred in manufacturing, solar panels, semiconductors, telecommunications,...

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6 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comLocal Biochemist Names Newborn Son "Parp," Unaware Of ImplicationsBOSTON, MA—Beaming with pride as he introduced his newborn son to colleagues at a departmental happy hour, Boston University biochemist Dr.

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5 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comMan Cannot Move Past Fact That Gotham's Water Supply Would Dilute Fear Toxin To Homeopathic LevelsCHICAGO, IL—Sitting in increasingly tense silence as the third act of “Batman Begins” unfolded on the television screen, Abbvie scientist Dr.

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4 Aug

inpreparation.substack.comTechbio Founder Who Only Talks To Other Techbio Founders Accuses Other Scientists Of GroupthinkSAN FRANCISCO, CA—Expressing concern about the intellectual insularity of government-funded research, Excursion Therapeutics co-founder and AI evangelist Marcus Aldrich accused NIH-funded scientists...

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31 July

inpreparation.substack.comSpecial Opinion Article: A Modest ProposalTo Catalyse A New Golden Age of Science By Preventing the Postdocs of America from Being a Burden on Parents, Institutions, & GDP, and Making Them Beneficial to the Semiconductor Industry