jackson henry

*taps sign*

like a baby just chilling in the field is an also insane thing so breaking character really robbed us of a mrs doubtfire prequel

ok tbf the subject material is lacking modern improvisation so many yes-ands odysseus could have pitched to the straight men: nudity, profanity, feces. heck, why choose when there are no rules? let's see an odyssey starring vince vaughn

while all the other swordsmen got good at swords I mastered begging for my life

alan ritchson and AI made the scene at about the same time j/s

I haven't seen an epic tale this disjointed since the desolation of smaug that movie desolated itself the desolation of the desolation of smaug

I just watched elon's grok's homer's odyssey part 1 on naxi dot com and wooooooooooooooow the self own is formidable

*guy who's bigger than reacher shows up in a scene* oh shit yes they're gonna godzilla battle

if you DO sew or DON'T shoot guns, you're less of a man because these activities necessarily affect the persistence and size of your genitals

there are literally so-called “manly” things men and women “can” or “can’t” do but ok let’s stare at penises that seems not gay at all

being a conservative these days is like watching a porno it doesn't really lock in until a dude takes his dick out

everyone: That probably wasn’t a good idea bill maher, dressed in a gold bikini and hair in buns: Yeah ok libcucks *talky hand gesture* donald the trump: *tongue slithers from behind maher and licks his tits*

*lowering hand* I hate to sound like a broken record but is licking your butthole your advice or are you just licking your butthole again?

my oldest cat is now 13 which makes him older than me in cat years so I'm hoping he'll be more of a role model than previously

I was hitting on too many machines at once so they activated the slotter rule I’d show myself out but casino security already saw to that

"whales voted 51-49 in favor of littering the oceans with nets and oil" that's how you fucks sound right now

*the blood of the innocent starts coming down the conveyor belt so fast elon musk and stephen miller just start shoving human livelihoods into their mouths by the thousands*

"Sorry I'm late my roomate's car was blocking my motorcycle." -zoomer-ass upgrade

no I don't want to download the latest software gimme the stuff that's punctual jeeze

wtf is up with arby's marinara sauce it tastes like a deterrent

read through my amazon prime terms of service and apparently there’s a whole section about spilling the blood of the innocent in my name if I miss a payment wow intense

pinocchio was a trans pioneer who got hard thinking about the truth I’m gonna see if I can fantasia any of these chairs into a candidate

Pepsi Davidson 2026-10-01 2-2 (final) (FINAL), get me a beer

creating micro-dependent tax writeoffs by upgrading all my chatbots to legal child status I don’t know anything about it my kids helped me set it up

he IS a rambling man

“When I drink alone, I prefer to be to myself” ok george you’ve had enough

wow ok give me a minute, confusingly-named website

going to youjizz dot com and getting in a who's-on-first loop about who's supposed to be jizzing

I like how danny devito’s animated characters are short and fat too because his voice so obviously belongs to a troll

imagine being halfway through making space jam and knowing you have to finish making space jam you’re so fucked at that point

lo fucking l there’s just fresh fried chicken delivered to the hermit mansion in the middle of the woods all of a sudden

blair witch 2 is terrible in a way that’s timeless and inexcusable

< Let’s make “a part” and “apart” antonyms and everyone always uses the wrong one! Good? > Good! < *falls down some stairs* > *drowns in a bowl of soup*

the dudes who get laid the most dress sort of like women which “traditionally manly” men think is gay, so hetero coded dudes are in a weird place where they have to call having lots of sex with women gay good luck with that, closet boy, who lives for a man’s gaze upon his aesthetic

conservative podcast: ☹️ guy at a bar reliving a conservative podcast to you with great vigor: 💀

I love that Jason Momoa exists but they hired The Rock instead and then gave him fake muscles and hair anyway because fuck everything

anyone else notice the party of donald trump’s two main election issues are domination and kids’ genitals?

I’m a rambling man and-… hang on I’m not finished. As I was saying…

*slips in bathtub and does exact same sequence of twists as the flying tesla but it looks horrendous instead*

is there a version of society that doesn’t go in and out of my ass and mouth

which hills are you visiting that have shit rolling down them I gotta see this

< And then did Donald stop shitting himself? > No, sweetheart. This is still only Chapter 1. There are plenty more shitty stories to go. < *snuggles up tight*

I’m all thumbs... you know, the most versatile finger? let’s you play tennis and jack off good? so I’m pretty awesome and coordinated

when everybody is jumping off a bridge is the worst time to also jump off a bridge you'll all be smacking into each other the whole way down and land on each other like idiots

*pausing during rainy night time alien planet escape while carrying power cells*: Guys... this is crazy, but...

poor riddick must have had the craziest deja vu in riddick

150,000 SPEED VIOLENT MINI FAN

while all the other swordsmen got good at swords I perfected begging for my life

if these aren't this size I'm gonna be so fucking pissed

"Don't hold your breath." well then how am I supposed to climax? wait nevermind this is doing it for me what else can't I do daddy

can we do squid games to the gop after this? no matter what you answer I can hear you thinking about it rn