Jim

[Halloween] My skeleton: Can I go outside? Me: No. My skeleton: *sulks* ... Me: You'll have plenty of time to spook people after I'm dead. My skeleton: YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR

Well this is a goddamn delight of a thread to scroll through

the economy

Doctor: there are a lot of calcium deposits in your arteries Me: oh no My skeleton: haha hell yeah

My skeleton: PLEASE take better care of your teeth! Me: ugh it sucks but I'll try My skeleton: It's the only part of me people can see! Me: ugh FINE (seconds later) Me: Large coffee, please My skeleton: godDAMMIT

(Couples therapy) Therapist: Jim? Your response? Me: I'm not trying to kill him! My skeleton: Tell her what the dentist told you. Me: ... My skeleton: Go on. Me: He said I grind my teeth at night. My skeleton: And how do you think that makes me feel? Me: I said I'm sorry!

Me: (on a date) so I broke my femur and had to hike all the way back My date: (impressed) wow Later: My skeleton: oh so now it's MY femur Me: shit

[Halloween] My skeleton: Can I go outside? Me: No. My skeleton: *sulks* ... Me: You'll have plenty of time to spook people after I'm dead. My skeleton: YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR

Always a treat to be reminded of an old friend

“Over an inch of rain” is now a commodity; it can be exchanged for a Big Mac or an F-150. Capital is not a barrier to entry. You can wager with your assigned, future worth. The assigners, they own the infrastructure of it all: the apps, your data, the data centers, the phones, your home, your food

It's a good day to read Billy Domineau's 9/11 Seinfeld episode randomnerds.com/wp-content/u...

A lot of great comedy shows coming up at Kilkenny Comedy Club featuring brilliant acts like Anna Clifford, Sharon Mannion, Martin Angolo, Sophia Wren & Eve Darcy: www.kilkennycomedy.com

Remember: The only way out¹ is² through³. ¹of depression ²to drink ³it

i do not know with what instruments the fourth wave of ska will be made, but the fifth wave of ska will be made with sticks and stones

Walking around the gym wishing I was wearing a "Does Anyone Want To Talk About The Repurcussions Of LeBron In Philly" shirt

Americans at the end of a World Cup, knowing they don't have to care about soccer for another four years

The greatest feeling known to the modern corporate wage slave is setting your Out Of Office automatic reply on Outlook and Slack.

“Lindsey Graham taught me that it was okay to be dead.” - Mitch McConnell

#Ryanair news story. hashtag topical baby

Happy 4th of July to my favorite specific sector of celebrants: English people

mansplaining, toddlersplained

It's only officialy a schism if you nail your theses to a door. Otherwise it's just sparkling heresy.

You: JD Vance joke Me:

This book is a blast and you should purchase several copies

I own many basketball jerseys and have loved many basketball players, but this was my first. #knicks

This such a French interaction. Rudy, c'est Victor. ... Et qui est Madame? #nba #spurs #wolves #nbaplayoffs

Trach your children that they have to go viral or they'll die. Have them read Charlotte's Web.

Gonna mix these and let them fight it out

So who's got it worse out of two babies born in 1990: the woman named Alexa or the guy named Claude?

HEY BLUESKY tag accounts from #ireland who talk about the #nba please and thank you respect and stuff

not me purchasing fast food and disguising it as my own cooking in my delightfully devilish era

One of my favorite things about living in Dublin is meeting Irish people who hate St Patrick's Day. It's such an endearingly grumpy position to have. I love it.

For the #sixnations day, here's an old #rugby joke that I like

gross...

get in loser, we're posting screenshots now

Road gig + day job = zoom calls in a highway service station