Joel Brigham (Brigham Editorial)

26 Nov 2024

If you hire Brigham Editorial, you'll get the following: 1. Detailed, actionable feedback that meets you exactly where you are as a writer. 2. Positivity and pep talks. 3. Fast communication and quick turnarounds. Need an editor? Why not me? :) brighameditorial.com/contact

The single most common issue I see in early versions of authors' Chapter 1 is info-dumping. Let's take a look at why this happens and what authors can do to revise that stuff out, maximizing reader engagement and agent interest!

Tension, mystery, suspense, and even disorientation can be your friend in early chapters, and these are tougher to pull off with an information-heavy opening chapter. Ease off. Let readers figure things out a little at a time. You have a whole book to help them build a big picture! ~el fin~

You can read more about writing a successful opening Chapter by checking out the following thread:

Joel Brigham (Brigham Editorial)@joelbrigham.bsky.social

Now that #RevPit #10Queries is behind us, I've got a revision checklist for your opening chapters that will make sure agents are excited to read more instead of passing after one paragraph! Let's dig in!

Tip #3: Be Careful with Dialogue Don't use your dialogue as an instruction manual. Only have characters discuss something if they have an in-scene reason to discuss it. Otherwise, it feels like a forced info-dump right away.

Tip #4: Trust Your Readers! Readers are smarter than you think. They don't NEED an instruction manual to figure out the world of the book. Leave breadcrumbs they can follow and puzzle out on their own. Let them draw conclusions instead of having them handed to them.

Q: So how do I fix it? A: I've got a few tips to help! Tip #1: Decide on the "Need to Know" Focus only on the immediate conflict and only give readers what they "need to know" right now to make sense of what they're CURRENTLY doing. The big picture can wait.

Tip #2: Tie Information/Worldbuilding to Action & Motion Never stop a character in their tracks to explain something. Let world details and backstory emerge naturally and gradually throughout the book as characters interact with each other and their world.

Q: But there are authors who KNOW they have these things in their opening chapters and purposefully leave them there. Why? A: Because we often feel as though readers need an answer key to "get" what's going on. We want them to have a context for the story to come.

Q: And establishing context is... bad? A: We don't want readers to be hopelessly lost, but we do want them a little disoriented. Imagine they are a tourist in a new place, and you're allowing them to explore WITHOUT reading a field guide first. WAY more fun!

Q: Why is info-dumping so common in early drafts? A: Because when we start writing, WE don't know the characters fully yet, or where the story is going. So we spell it all out for OURSELVES as we find our way. At this point, we're writing for us, not for readers.

Q: When you say "info-dumping," what exactly do you mean? A: It usually means one of a few things: 1. Frontloading backstories 2. Excessive worldbuilding 3. Mechanical/technical explanations

☑️ Is there a prologue? You don't HAVE to get rid of your prologue, but agents see the word "Prologue" and sigh, often because they're done poorly. Red flags that your prologue is no bueno: 1. It focuses on a character who isn't the MAIN one. 2. Its primary purpose is world-building, not plot.

Keep in mind: these are all EXTREMELY COMMON OCCURRENCES in opening chapters! I'd say 90% of early drafts have at least one of these. The beautiful thing is that you can REVISE them out before anyone reads them! Knowing WHAT to revise is the trick! :) ~el fin~

☑️ Have you unwittingly opened with a cliché? Avoid: 1. The alarm clock wake-up 2. The mirror inspection 3. The morning commute or "just arriving at a new place for the first time." 4. The weather report 5. "It was all a dream." 6. The "late for class/meeting" sprint All have been done to death!

☑️ Is there a preamble? I want you to start with action immediately, which means I don't want a vague buildup or preamble ("Sometimes things happen beyond our control, and well... this is how that happened to me.") These are great for establishing voice, but less great for establishing conflict.

☑️ Are you info-dumping? When we start writing a book, we info-dump for OURSELVES, but then we leave all that stuff in there when readers DON'T actually need it. Readers are smart and can pick up context without loads of backstory. Just get into the action!

☑️ Is your MC DOING or OBSERVING? I see a lot of opening chapters where the protagonist isn't making any tough decisions, driving the action, acting messy, etc. Rather, they are observing things and reporting to the reader. I want the MC CAUSING plot, not just EXPERIENCING plot.

☑️ Are you starting too early? (a.k.a. are you "warming up" the reader?) We want to engage readers IMMEDIATELY, which is why the "just woke up and getting ready for the day" opening is not effective. Challenge yourself to start as late as possible (without confusing the reader).

I took off the Spring of 2026 from #RevPit, but my 2025 winner, Angelica Cheng, had about as meteoric a rise as any author I've ever worked with. After working together, she got an agent and a book deal faster than the F1 cars she writes about. And now you can buy that book from Simon & Schuster!

I just sent all ten emails to my #RevPit #10Queries authors. If you were one of mine, you should have more detailed feedback in your inboxes this very moment! And if you missed the full thread of feedback earlier this afternoon, you can get caught up here: bsky.app/profile/joel...

Joel Brigham (Brigham Editorial)@joelbrigham.bsky.social

Well, I've been waiting all day to get into my batch of #RevPit #10Queries submissions. There was some extraordinarily good stuff in this group, but also a lot that we can (collectively) learn from. You ready to dig in? I'm ready to dig in. Let's party.

P10 – The banter is great, but the pages themselves are uneventful. Let’s try to steer clear of everyday routines and introduce a scene where something out of the ordinary (and uniquely interesting) is happening. Give the MC something exciting to do, tough choices to make, etc. This is too quiet!

And that's it! I will email my authors in the not-so-distant future to let them know they were among my query samples. I appreciate everyone for entering and hope you’ve found the feedback here helpful! Hugs and high fives to all!!! #RevPit #10Queries

P9 – I think you’re starting in the right scene, but I’m not sure we’re starting in the right PLACE. While the build-up to the heist feels necessary, it reads slow. How can we find our way to more tension and suspense more immediately? I want to see the MC in action immediately, not a few pages in!

Q10 Paranormal Romance – My favorite title of this batch of submissions. How fun! Beyond that, your intro paragraph should be cut in half, and your pitch should end with how these two will work together instead of ending with one character’s perspective. And don't end the pitch with a question!

P8 – The opening line uses both the words “walk” and “pause,” neither of which creates a particularly “thrilling” start to a book in this genre. Things start very sweet and comfortable, but let’s set the mood for a storm, even if the characters are oblivious to it (for now).

Q9 A Fantasy – If we’re doing epic fantasy, big word counts are part of the equation, but this word count (just shy of 200k) is too high for a debut. Tonally and thematically, the pitch feels “pitch-perfect” (see what I did there?), but the query letter itself is too long, too, by ~75 words.

P7 – I don’t think we’re starting in the right place. The opening line feels a little low-stakes, and I’m not seeing enough in these pages to give me a sense of the character. The scene is appropriately moody (which is good!), but I need more doing, more decision-making, more tension, more mystery!

Q8 YA Thriller – The entire first paragraph of this query is build-up to the pitch itself. Condense it all into one sentence and get to the conflict in paragraph 1 instead of paragraph 2. Don’t make the agent wait for the good stuff because they often will not! Beyond that, it’s a fun premise!

P6 – The pages COOK! Despite their quality, my biggest concern is that we’re starting with a prologue. On the one hand, I have a feeling this prologue is necessary for the plot, but agents sometimes see “Prologue” and tune out. Could we just call this “Chapter 1” for now?

Q7 A Thriller – These individual story elements are so enticing. The characters are mysterious, the setting is dripping with tension, and the major plot points are ripe for all sorts of suspenseful reading. The pitch, though, is TELLING instead of SELLING. It’s also a little too winded. Condense!

P5 – Stellar lead! You do a great job underscoring the ridiculousness of his surroundings with an undertone of grief and uncertainty. Readers have a clear sense of where we are and where we’re going, and it’s just loony enough to be tantalizingly disorienting. I’d definitely read more!

Q6 MG F – This query is too long! Bio paragraph alone is almost a third of the total word count. That’s a shame, because buried in all those words is a concept I really like. But it’s currently lost in too many words, which is a red flag for an MG book, which should be condensed in the first place.

P4 – These pages start in what I’d consider a “cliché” place (starting the first day in a new place), after which there’s a lot of info-dumping. These are VERY COMMON Chapter 1 mistakes! And they’re easy to fix! I suggest reevaluating the starting point to more effectively capture agents’ attention.

Q5 A Fantasy – I have no idea what’s going on here, but in all the best ways. The concept is freshly unique, and you tease story elements that already have me excited to read the pages. I think an agent will want more specifics in terms of stakes for the main character, but this is very interesting!

P3 – The opening scene is beautifully written & intensely personal. Objectively, I love the writing. Subjectively, the scene is just too passive. The MC is doing a lot of ruminating and grieving, when what I want to see is them doing stuff, making tough decisions, fighting against tension, etc.

Q4 Romance – I count 6 comps here, with the description of those comps eating up about 40% of the query's word count. The concept sounds juicy and fun, but there are precious few details about what makes this stand out from similar retellings. I’d like to see WAY fewer comps + a more detailed pitch.

P2 – 95% of these opening pages are fantastic. Tons of tension, an opening scene centered around a remarkable moment, and oodles of voice. My only real concern is that you club the reader over the head with obvious stakes on Page 1. You’re talented enough to find a subtler way to introduce those!

Q3 A Fantasy – Concept is strong, but this query does what a lot of queries do: it focuses on doing the story justice rather than pitching its marketability to agents. I’d like to see a more condensed synopsis focusing on the main character’s wants, antagonistic forces, and stakes. Trim the rest!

P1 – Opening line is FANTASTIC. Voice, mood, and conflict all wrapped into one. Beyond that, we’re getting right into tension and mystery, all of which is good. The only thing I’d like to see layered in here is a decision for the MC to make. She’s observing and reporting rather than deciding/doing.

Q2 A Fantasy – I love the comps, and I do think they fit what you’re pitching. What’s missing (for me) is a unique twist on a story type that already has been done so well many times (including the comps you listed!). What I want to see is: what makes THIS version of this story uniquely interesting?

Tailoring feedback for the #10queries event is a little different from tailoring feedback to an individual because I’m trying to help EVERYONE with this feedback. So I hope you all find this helpful, and I hope you have a fun time trying to figure out if any of these submissions are yours!

Q1 A Paranormal Romance – The opening paragraphs serve as great teasers, but what follows is more “general” than “specific.” I struggled to sink my teeth into the tangible details that would draw me into this book. Also, I didn’t see any mention of romance at all in the pitch, despite the genre!

Another #10Queries #RevPit thread from Hephzibah!

Hephzibah O. Praise fka LaDonna@authorhephzibah.bsky.social

Welcome to my #10Queries session! 🎉 Here's the key to the abbreviations I'll be using: QL: Query Letter FF: First Five Pages MS: Manuscript WC: Word Count MC: Main Character Target Audience: A: Adult YA: Young Adult #RevPit #10Queries

Have you read Hannah's batch of #RevPit #10Queries yet? If not, you should!

Hannah Kate Kelley@kelleyeditorial.bsky.social

It's #10Queries time, #RevPit writers! Do you recognize your story in my query and first pages notes? F: Fantasy H: Historial R: Romance @reviseresub.bsky.social

It's Natasha's turn for #RevPit #10Queries. Go get you some of this free feedback, gang!

Natasha Hanova@natashahanova.bsky.social

Hello and welcome to my #RevPit #10queries! 🧵Find my feedback on randomly selected queries + first 5 pages here 🤓 Tweets are purposely vague & hopefully helpful to everyone who's #amquerying 📧 I’ll email these #10Queries authors after 7 PM ET tonight 🤨 I'll check throughout the day for Q's @ me

Another #10Queries #RevPit post has gone live!

Madelyn Knecht ✨🌈@madelynknecht.bsky.social

It's time 👀 Here's my #10Queries 🧵 GUIDE: Q=Query Letter P=Pages A=Adult MG=Middle Grade YA=Young Adult SP=Speculative M=Mystery F=Fantasy UF=Urban Fantasy H=Horror WF=Women's Fiction R=Romance RC=RomCom

Great list for the Type-A ADHD Crowd! (or really any crowd, TBH).

K.M. Carlson@wanderingbutton.bsky.social

If anyone else is obsessively refreshing their #10Queries feed and has both ADHD AND Type A personality.... I have compiled all of the editors into one spot. bsky.app/profile/did:...