JG Pasterjak

Pants this long should be illegal in baseball, and under international law. Pretty much any player not wearing stirrups needs to explain themselves.

My dude made a pal at the groomer today

Paying some bills on my mom’s Bank of America account and as soon as I log in I get a giant popup that says SIGN UP FOR BOFA REWARDS and there’s no way I’m falling for that one Bank of America. Nice try.

You’re never going to get me to believe that Qdoba is something that exists anywhere outside of an airport.

My most toxic auto journalist trait is getting unreasonably mad when a press car shows up and the Sirius subscription isn't activated.

Yeah man I've blown a bunch of money on Steam, too. Relatable.

My most toxic boomer-esque trait is being filled with the white hot rage of 1000 suns every time I see someone holding a lav mic like a stick mic.

Okay, soccer is over everyone. Now we can get back to the white-knuckle, edge-of-your seat thrill ride of only 80 more games of baseball followed by a two month playoff season.

Me, a casual soccer fan: OMG SOMETHING EXCITING FINALLY HAPPENED! The refs: No, it didn't

Now we come down to the most thrilling part of the contest for casual fans like me: Wondering how much time is actually left in the game.

II am, at most, a very casual soccer and basketball fan, but both feature one of my favorite moves in all of sports: As you're falling out of bounds with the ball you simply wail it off the head of an opposing player so it ricochets out of bounds and you get the ball back.

This is penance for me watching that game yesterday and thinking "You know I should give soccer more of a chance"

The edges of the goals should be on little tracks so after a 0-0 tie at the half they spend the entire second half slowly getting wider until they span the entire width of the field by the end of the game. Alternately, second ball.

Someone needs to check the France goalkeeper's Kalshi account

I think pee diarrhea would be even scarier than butt diarrhea so we have to count our blessings I guess.

To be fair, if I was President I'd probably try to schedule a bunch of new races, too, but I'd just make sure they didn't suck as bad.

Fascinating to see people acting shocked to discover Graham Platner is problematic when they really should have figured that out abut three seconds after the first time he took his shirt off.

Dipping Bojangles tenders in Zax Sauce because the rule of law means nothing anymore.

Any eggsperts out there? Found two small eggs—roughly 2.4cm—near our pond in some underbrush. Tic tac shaped. No real nest, but well hidden. Pond has lots of turtles (including cooters, box turtles and chicken turtles). Also have black racers active in this part of the yard. Turtle? Snake? Other?

Do we ever find out how or if Hercule Poirot gets paid? Did I miss "Agatha Christie's The 90-day Invoice" at some point?

This morning I was --><-- this close to convincing my wife that the members of Blood, Sweat and Tears were named Gary Blood, Jim Sweat and Hezekiah Tears and this is why we've been married for 30 years.

If you ever think your job is miserable, remember that right now, in June, entire film crews are trudging through the swamps of South Carolina in 100º+ heat shooting actors dressed in full winter garb trying to pretend they're in love for this year's crop of Hallmark holiday movies.

Consider for a moment that maybe you aren't "shadow banned." Maybe you just suck at posting and people don't want to engage with your boring shit.

How long until RFK jr starts drinking the reflecting pool? Just kneels down beside it shirtless in jeans and starts slurping that green shit up. I say Tuesday at the outside latest.

Could the Ring girl have come out of a flat screen TV? Like, did she need the full depth of a CRT enclosure, or was the screen just a portal from whatever hell dimension she was trapped in?

I can't take anyone seriously who complains about people posting "spoilers" for a movie based on a 3000 year old book.

When we have ducklings, usually we're like "Nature must be allowed to take its course, even if that means we lose some." until this momma lost 60% of her hatchlings to predators on day 1. So we built them a fortified compound, with a pool and probably a home theater soon. #muscovy #duck #duckling

My hot take is that drivers who squat in the middle lane are orders of magnitude more disruptive to the flow of traffic than drivers who squat in the left lane.

Hey don't forget that tomorrow is the happiest day of the year! It's GRM's Wear Your Helmet to Work Day! We're giving away a really nice Schuberth SP1 carbon helmet with HMS Motorsport and you absolutely want it. motorsportmarketing.lpages.co/helmetday/#i...

Heard some rustling up high in the shop so I got the ladder and investigated and on top of a beam behind a wall one of our girls is building a nest for this pickleball she found. #muscovy #duck

If I was an Artemis astronaut I'd definitely put it on my Amex card and get ate up with all those Delta miles.

As a Floridian, I should point out that state law allows that if you find someone passed out drunk anywhere in Florida, you can drop them off at any Waffle House, no questions asked, and the employees will periodically roll them so they don't choke and give them a piece of toast when they wake up.

So far the Artemis II mission has experienced a clogged toilet and issues with Microsoft Outlook. If the astronauts suddenly start arguing over what the fastest way to the moon is this will officially be the most relatable space mission ever.

Opening a chain of very high-end adult toy stores called "Ass Pro Shops"

Parrot in press car I know, I know, it's serious* (*someone seriously needed their nails done**) (**not me)

It: happens MAGA: brilliant 4d chess move, sir.

I thought I was going to watch F1 but these cars are passing each other occasionally so it must be something else.

How soon does Kristi Noem start dating Pete Davidson?

Maisie has discovered her new Favorite Thing®: OneWheel rids up and down the driveway. #goffin #cockatoo

I have a neighbor who has two dump trucks. Every afternoon he gets home driving one of his dump trucks. We've chatted, but I've never asked what he actually does and in my head I like to think he's a normal dude who really likes dump trucks and commutes to his office job every day in a dump truck.

GUYS NO THERE'S BEEN A HORRIBLE AUTOCORRECT MISTAKE DON'T DO THIS TO HER

Lowe’s have something—anything—in the correct bin in the PVC aisle challenge (impossible)

I don’t need the drive-thru attendant at Taco Bell to tell me to “have a blessed day“. My man, we are at Taco Bell. You and I both know God holds no sway here.