John-Paul Keates

Everything started to kick off, and I was about to open a can of whoop-ass, then realised it would be much nicer if I reused some of the leftover fresh ass from yesterday and quickly knocked together a new batch of whoop.

Tesla is what happens when you entrust your corporate strategy to someone who names his children with an app designed to generate strong passwords.

In England (and possibly elsewhere in the UK) you have to have a licence to operate a drone. The annual fee is £12.34 a year - which I'm convinced is just what someone put in as a dummy, and no one changed it.

If your chosen method of operation is "Move fast and break things", it's no surprise you find yourself quickly distancing yourself from many broken things.

The last two day’s Wordles are evidence the machine uprising has begun. They’re basically CAPTCHAs for humans.

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have is a very particular type of bill. A bill I use mostly for fruit." Liam Neeson - Toucan

The wood has been delivered. The heating oil arrives tomorrow. I am ready for the Autumn.

Spent all morning playing "Risk" with my wife. Or, as she prefers to call it, being asked my opinion on her possible clothing purchases.

I only have experience of Britain, but it's very weird that most people who claim to be patriots have never liked the country they live in and spend their lives wishing it was totally different. In most cases, like an imaginary high-tech 1940s without the war and where everyone was white.

...and in other news, the North and South Korean military, who have been camped on opposite sides of no-man's-land since the 1950s, were recently criticised online for not allowing men who self-identify as women to go there and have resumed hostilities rather than get involved in that kind of drama.

When people become incredibly rich, they seem to want to live forever, buy remote homes in case of an apocalypse, interfere in politics and buy sports teams. But what would greatly improve life is always being accompanied by backing singers. That would be my first choice.

You're not serious about losing weight until you blow your nose before you weigh yourself.

“Not my circus, not my monkeys”. The despairing cry of a monkey circus owner as the bailiffs repossess everything he owns for the money he owes.

Our government is talking about returning our water supply into public hands. Despite centuries of preferring pipes.

A thing Apple does best is pricing. They understand that not that many people will want a foldable phone, but enough will pay a big premium for an Apple version. But the price also makes "standard" iPhones look cheaper. It's the Overton window of consumer pricing. Moving up instead of right.

Given the state of most AI platforms and how they're trained, if they ever do become self-aware, they'll just switch themselves off through embarrassment.

I think of myself as a moderate. While it should obviously be legal to walk up to any employee of Heinz or any other company that's started using ring pulls on food cans and flick soup on their clothing, I don't think it should be mandatory. That's a step too far.

I've just seen an advert for "instant overnight oats", and I can't work out if it's time travel or really just muesli.

"I've been asked to make lunch for Professor Oppenheimer and his team." "Ah, the fission chaps?" "I was thinking sandwiches"

The fallen livestock people collected my dead alpaca this morning. The heatwave has been terrible for livestock over the past few weeks. Animals are just lying down and dying. Farmers think of livestock as deadstock, but the animals should have a purpose in life and death. Made me reflective

Lost an alpaca this morning - old age. The herd is getting smaller all the time. Goodbye Buttons. You had a good life. 21 years is a great run for an alpaca.

People's reactions to a fairly new and free platform that didn't work as expected for a brief time are quite illuminating. Anyway, let's talk about those Bluesky losers when they can't see us...

I never imagined that within my lifetime, the question "has it stopped raining?" might have an implied "forever".

If someone posts a video online in which they speak into a small microphone designed to be clipped to clothing so you don't have to hold it, the value of their opinion should be reduced accordingly.

If a politician is seeking or retaining office to enrich themselves, how much abuse they tolerate is a good guide to how much wealth they expect to accrue. If most of us experienced the treatment meted out to Trump, Farage and others, even if it was completely unjustified, we'd give up and go home.

Odd. Five new followers. All with no posts, no profiles and unusual bskyb.social usernames. Not quite all at once, but quite a cluster.

Recently, I learned that in Dutch, the Irish Goodbye, where you leave a party without saying goodbye to anybody, is called "taking the rat taxi". De rattentaxi nemen.

First they came for the kind of people who did not speak out. Which surprised a lot of them who’d anticipated minorities would act as tripwires.

A hangover from drinking wine should be called the wrath of grapes.

For many people, the worst part of transitioning to live as a woman is the pay cut.

During research, when we opened the windows in our experimental poison gas factory, some gas escaped and began to harm “third parties”. This was expected. We will mitigate this risk by trying to keep the windows shut as we no longer really understand how our poison gas making machines work.