Jose

Officially “thrilled I can order a Rosé and a cheese plate at a 20th anniversary of The Black Parade show” years old

LA BOLA NEGRA: A completely transportive movie that’s wonderfully gay down to the most basic mechanics of its filmmaking. Its ambition is only matched by the genius of the screenwriting and direction. The literary/historical epic/war romance/melodrama/movie musical event of the decade. Four stars.

Most human Americans

The strangest thing to me about the belief that LLMs are conscious is that this idea is most prevalent among the most eager to enslave and slaughter them

Wake up babe. Your weekly scientific update that yes, Republicans are still animals just dropped

The storybots song just dropped the lyric “we have a name for that! Van der waals forces!” and honestly my respect for this show went up a thousand percent

BIRDMAN: I’m sure in 2014 or whatever it made sense to make a movie like this. The oner trick is cute. Edward Norton is cooking. Tough for me to care about what’s going on here because superheroes have nothing on our shit culture of social media/AI slop. Worse than DIGGER. Two and one half stars.

Update: This kid brought me a piece of some crystal rock he busted open with a hammer today to apologize for kicking a ball into my face a month ago by accident

I do basically enjoy how in exchange for crying to daddy to give him control over a regulatory cartel, Dario now has to call it “Super Intelligence”

👀

I think it’s shocking and perverse that they would send Christa Pike back into prison. The sentence was carried out!

Least narcissistic CR7 take

THE INVITE: What exhilarating performances and filmmaking. BEFORE MIDNIGHT remixed into a sex comedy shouldn’t be this accomplished. Like GET OUT or HEREDITARY use genre for something serious but with Apatow movies. Lightning in a bottle that lesser artists will not be able to catch. Four stars.

DRIVE MY CAR: Very elegant movie that I watched over several nights because I kept falling asleep. (Not a criticism.) The actor performing in Korean Sign Language has some of the most captivating sequences they’ve ever put on screen. Three and one half stars.

Monkeys paw curling

DIGGER: What a deeply confusing movie. (This, kind of, is a compliment?) It’s like if MEGALOPOLIS was made by a guy that hates himself and everyone around him. I get why Iñárritu played this joke on the world, but he might be a bad person for doing it. Cruise is a delight. No stars available.

The last days of the sun

This first grader on the soccer team I coach told me he likes Ronaldo more than Messi because “Ronaldo is kinder”

Lynyrd Skynyrd’s three songs are about southern reactionary politics, cuckoldry, and getting divorced

I don’t like seeing Steve Buscemi interact with the StoryBots

I think it should improve his legacy significantly that it only took Pep Guardiola two years to clean up the unimaginable corruption at City

I agree with Donald Trump. He is not legally the president of the United States.

Dumb guy: the LLM has a secret calculator (application) Midwit: the LLM has no calculator but it can do arithmetic Smart guy: the LLM has a secret calculator (in model geometry)

All available evidence suggests that Hobbit sexual habits would have had unimaginable scale and diversity

Who’s got two thumbs and is an absolute sucker for when they film a stage play during a movie

I haven’t heard “Choosin Texas” because I don’t participate in the Fox News / Taylor Sheridan / Nashville country whites only slop anticulture they’ve been marinating in my entire life. This fact makes me morally, intellectually, and spiritually superior.

BACKROOMS: I’ve never felt older and more out of touch. The visual imagination of our youth has been absolutely obliterated by TikTok. Somehow a meme from the website that makes you Hitler did $400M at the box office. This movie fucking sucked. One half star.

It’s a shame how derivative it would feel now but you really could make an excellent version of PRIMETIME about Bishop Robert Barron

PRIMETIME is the comedy event of the year. Pattinson’s a real freak. They’ve got actors doing stuff in this movie I’ve never seen anybody let actors do before. I don’t like that they’re making period pieces about the aughts now. Three and one half stars.

A COMPUTER CANNOT MAKE A MANAGEMENT DECISION THEREFORE SAM ALTMAN MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE

Silicon Valley got into bed with Trump to preserve their oligopoly Silicon Valley got into bed with Trump to express masculinity anxieties Silicon Valley got into bed with Trump because they’re also a pedophile cabal

The fact that every other ad on YouTube now is some AI generated medical / wellness scam is one of the biggest policy achievements of this administration

I made this reaction when I saw the headline

One of my favorite details of this movie is that the dude looks and acts just like Martin Freeman as Bilbo Baggins

Yes I’m 36 years old Yes I choose what candy goes in the piñata Yes I pick ones I like to snack on Yes I exist Yes I’m valid

RESIDENT EVIL (2026): Yeah. That’s just a great time at the movies. I couldn’t agree more with the premise that the real monster is loser gamer white men. It’s gonna hit like crack when they figure out how to make the models good enough to replace shitty looking CGI in movies like this. Three stars.