Lester Nelson-Gacal

@elysiacb.bsky.social @lukemiddup.bsky.social I always eagerly await your podcast and listen the second I notice it’s dropped (often checking multiple times a day until then). But this week, man. Can’t wait. What an episode.

Blood is thicker than water. But not as thick as poop sludge.

This is my dear, dear friend Diaa in Gaza. He doesn’t want hand-outs. He wants to work for your money. I’m totally taking him up on this beautiful offer, and I hope some of my friends and followers do, too.

If Bad Bunny’s In It, I Will Come

When talking about Speed 2: Cruise Control, people don’t talk enough about how when the cruise ship hits the sailboat, the sailboat blows up.

If you’re not shadow banned on Facebook and Instagram you’re not using their services right

These were my wedding vows.

Here’s what I’ve been working on the past couple weeks. 80+ hours according to my time tracking app. I hope you’ll watch. I love these families so much. Donate at gaza.lesterco.co

If your name is Tyler and you shoot someone, maybe don’t write the kinds of things on the bullet casings that’ll make any investigator immediately think, “this killer sounds like a real Tyler”

Do we know for a fact it wasn’t just a spontaneous thing necks sometimes do?

Remember during the pandemic when the Starbucks employee told that one woman to wear a mask, which made her mad, and so as a society we all came together and gave him $100,000 as a big fuck you to the woman? Will this be mentioned in the pandemic chapter of future history textbooks?

One thing we could do to help win the culture wars is to reboot Dr. Quinn and name it “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Theyby.”

Doctors withour Borders have released a report on the so called GHF aid distribution sites in Gaza. The report catalogues the deliberate killing of Palestinians trying top collect food.

In Dubai, are they just called “chocolates”?

I Saw the TV Show ‘Glow’

The other day, someone asked me my age and without even thinking I accidentally said 27. I wasn’t even trying to mislead. For a split second I thought that was my age and just blurted it out. I’m 42.

Is Nikola Jokic the Michael B. Jordan of basketball?

Half our country elected this man

If you catch yourself driving ten miles under the speed limit because you missed the sign announcing the speed change, then you should be allowed to drive ten miles over the speed limit for a bit the next time the speed limit lowers again.

I hope the next pope has a popesuit with built in nipples like clooney-era batman

Meta AI is the stupidest shit ever

Limp Wriztkit

Just saw a unibrow so majestic it made me reconsider unibrows as a whole. Maybe having two brows is actually a flaw and a perfect singular brow should actually be the platonic ideal.

It’s cool that they have personalized license plates, but they should come out with personalized drivers licenses too. I’d like to get one with my name on it.

Back story:

First cake in more than a year due to family health crises this past year. It feels good to bake again. It’s layers of graham cracker cake, and between the layers are graham cracker buttercream, coconut cream pie filling, graham cracker pie crust crumbles, and spiced white peach burnt honey caramel.

I live everyday as if it’s Ash Wednesday

They finally legalized sucking air

You ever fart so hard it startles you and you piss your pants

Good evening tooters, what were your New Year’s resolutions this year? Mine was to create a new language that, instead of assigning a gender to inanimate objects, assigns them a sexual orientation instead!

“It’s an ancient Hindu symbol meaning, ‘I’m autistic’”

People in Rome should be forced to keep using Roman Numerals for everything numerical. Excel spreadsheets, calculators, sports jerseys. Let this be their punishment for making us learn them for no other reason than reading the time on our Rolexes and knowing what war came after WWI.

Has anybody doxxed that woman who tried to stop that seagull from exiting the grocery store with that bag of chips yet

Why is it almost 2025 and the US still doesn’t have a holiday called Apologiesgiving

If I were in charge of things, cute animals would only be allowed to be eaten by even cuter animals.

Call me a fascist all you like, but I do NOT think other insects should be allowed to eat bumblebees

I wish that, every once in a while, Ken Jennings would interrupt Jeopardy! contestants telling supposedly interesting facts about themselves with “Booooring!”

I’ve made the hard decision not to boycott McDonald’s but I am going to stop tipping their cashiers

Looks like I’ll be boycotting McDonald’s I guess

For some reason, my first thought when I woke this morning was, “what if they invented a plane that was fueled by the power of singing and everyone on board had to sing ‘defying gravity’ the whole time to keep the plane afloat”

It’s giving Tuesday

I’m beginning to think that sarcastically wow-reacting posts on Facebook for the past few years has had a negative effect on my algorithm.

Is there any rule against athletes chugging a can of spinach right before they compete at the Olympics?

Do I still need to fully thaw the turkey first if I’m just planning on lobbing it as hard as I can over the fence and hoping it lands in the neighbor’s deep fryer?

Escalators that go down should really have a different name. Oh excuse me let me escalate myself to a lower floor. Yeah right. Get real.