The Deuce Deducer

"Dale, you're not as ugly as you think you are." "Thank you, Tucker. That means a lot comin' from you."

Fidget Club

Flavio Balls of Narrow

Why the hell couldn't Obama have just said Donald Trump's redecorating is ugly and a wanton misuse of scarce public money? Why give him room to point the "elitist" finger and gather his us/them grievance bannermen to his side?

Casually telling the company lawyer I don't respond to any of his emails in order to minimize discoverability risk, and watching his face go from indignation to deep satisfaction.

spider shit, or "frass"

Going to the gastroenterologist with a magazine photo of square wombat poops and demanding he "make mine look like that."

The actor playing Chekov has died. Again.

Though exposure to violent storms and lightning are less than ideal, Florida is the primary launchplace of the US space program because it is both closest to the equator and a point east and south of which (downrange) there is no more United States in the event of failure to achieve orbit.

Sometimes you pause the TV to go floss some really annoying chicken out of your teeth and you get a funny still.

Hi, long time listener, first time caller, did Trump pay us back the public money he spent and go to jail for those hype ads yet, I'll take my answer offline, thanks.

Ware going awl the wee, lads!

You don't like getting hit by my missiles, wait till I send my mrsiles.

Lesser known F1 driver, Min Verstappen.

I built my dream house for pennies on the dollar on the Moon. Now I have to pay for air? I'm so pissed.

Local Republican party eager to get back to the pre-Trump GOP agenda of fucking over everyone not born into money, but with a condescending pat on the head instead of a kick in the nuts.

The three hour closeup-fest on the lady whose glassy eyes look like they were modified by AI to look like a Troll doll's? Oh, yeah, I'm definitely not seeing that in a theater.

I would be more optimistic about things getting better if they weren't getting worse

Go on Moron Ignore the evidence Skid in to Armageddon

Someone convince me the spelling of polyp isn't onomatopoetic.

Feel the beat from the tambourine? No, I'm pretty sure you feel the beat from the kick drum.

It is good to ride with a little buddy.

'Merican Airlines' new duct tape themed livery

'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my treehouse door." Quoth the Piglet, "It's Eeyore!" - Edgar Allan Pooh

Cal of Braeshun

Nice try, spider who built a web at eye level across my front steps. Maybe next time.

One of the things that gets lost in the arguments around daylight saving and changing the clocks or not is that there's only 8 hours of daylight in winter for most people in America, and that sucks no matter which end of the workday you skew that to, and there's nothing you can do except move south.

Closing the third junction behind you, Dallas.

It's great that my car warns me that temperatures are approaching freezing, but I'm not wild about the particulars of it blasting a very loud chime at 37F. It's startling enough that it could be more likely to result in an accident than an actual patch of ice.

Ornithologists have recorded seagulls (L. Larinae) flying more than 500 miles (804km) from their home body of water to find parking lots with the choicest used Q-Tips and cigarette butts.

Off to a spectacular start, I'd say.