McBeardie

I remember the first time I heard the word “influencer” I thought it meant “thought leader” instead of “advertiser” I was so naive.

BlueSky a band: Insane @axialagegamer.swifties.social Posse

God’s been really quiet ever since I created that boulder too heavy for me to lift.

In case anyone needs to lose a few blood pressure points

Me, reviewing You Can See Everything after a trip to the ENT: The first half of this movie made me unable to feel my front teeth

Your Honor, I would like soooo many of my farts to be stricken from the record.

Ten minutes into Coyote Vs. Acme and I’m astrally conveying to the new Resident Evil that what we had wasn’t novelty. It was pure, uncut love. Loving one movie hasn’t diminished my love for another. If anything, it’s expanded my capacity for expression and devotion.

Someone saw this and said “just like a man to put a woman’s body next to a piece of meat” and I know the comment was meant to bait me into “not all men” but: no. I did paint both things. Accountability starts somewhere, and I’ll have any conversation about grape culture. Yes, all men. Even me.

What would the antivaxxers on the right do if they made a vaccine for the woke mind virus? How would that work? 🤔

Wet Ass-Pussy: The Untold Story of the Cloaca

A little worried that my thanksgiving turkey will have Kash Patel’s eyes

I’m a pretty okay painter, so people assume I like “raw” art ironically. No. I’m moved to tears by anyone enthusiastically making anything. If you’ve seen a Rembrandt and still show us your messy little painting, you’re royalty. I weep before your majesty. I will protect you until the sun burns out

The unedited version the libs don’t want you to see

If Bo Burnham can’t fix it, we never deserved it in the first place

Look: At least somebody had the decency to TELL you the world was gonna roll you For most, it’s a surprise

Soulmeightate?

At the waterboarding myself with melted ice cream cake portion of the breakup.

Scream into a pillow? But I love that guy 🥺

Actually, lions lose sleep for a variety of reasons

Ruin a book by adding a word: To Basically Kill a Mockingbird

🤣

My all time favorite Onion headline

This week’s paintings

What to paint next??

reelchicago.com/article/mons... Critics gave this a well-earned 22% on RottenTomatoes. I think we’re done with the Emmys. Let’s just all collectively do something else from now on.

All I’m saying is that if a murder in your state is called the “[name of state] Murders” Dang. That must be a really safe state, murderwise.

Ooh! It’s @collinsauthors.bsky.social ‘s favorite!

I love Carlin’s bit about how people protesting outside abortion clinics are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place

I gotta say, no influencer has ever influenced me.

But how are you gonna sweep all that floor??? Introducing: the Backroomba™️

Every headline since Backrooms/Obsession be liek “Major Hollywood Studios Learn That Horror Audiences Don’t Like When You Insult Their Fucking Intelligence”

Who are your favorite sitcom roommates?

Wip!

But how are you gonna sweep all that floor??? Introducing: the Backbrooms™️

I’m not saying #LindseyGraham was @thevivllainous.bsky.social ‘s fault for her Smartypants remarks What I will say is “thank you” #ISeeYouLegal

Percival Possum 12 x 6 x .75 Oil on wood panel After giving up coffee, Percival Possum yawned and said, “I feel like I'm already tired tomorrow.” Let’s buy Percival a cuppa! Coming to an online event July 13! #art #oilpainting #possum #fantasyart #animalart #whimsy Story-ALTtext⬇️

Bitch McTurtle might be brain dead but I really hope somehow he's suffering. A lot.

My sincere first thought: Oh fuck Trump got the One Ring

Thinking about the time an old, pink conservative asked me, completely out of nowhere, what my opinion of Simone Biles was. Like I, a potato-bodied 34-year-old in the North Country, was supposed to just... have one of those ready, as if it were sitting in a holster.

I’m so attractive that I don’t have to fluff the rice 😎