mceazy.bsky.social

I am the only driver in my entire city who is considerate of other people's time. I am the only person who actually thinks while using my city's roads.

My cat's favourite thing is sitting on my lap and popping my balls back up into my abdomen

I forget the context but I said something about getting distracted to my wife and she went "my dick got distracted" and the picture it painted in my head was so funny I had to draw it

When were down to the last dollar on earth someone will spend it on a cruise

Rare marriage moment: singing a song in your head the same time your spouse starts singing the same song out loud and wondering for half a second if your internal monologue has switched to their voice

I herd u liek mudkipz

DON'T FORGET TO DONATE TO WIKIPEDIA

🎶myyy widdle... My widdle hole is cweaaamyyyy🎶

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My wife: a chicken life is a full circle... It starts as an egg... And when it goes bad it smells like egg... And it comes out of somebody's butt... Full circle...

Twilight: Breaking Bad

We all have a little Duane Dibbley in us

Too schmucked to be a mensch... Too menschy to be a schmuck...

Starting my own LP and selling 2.5g, 4.5g, 6g, 8g, 13g, 15g, 27g, and 29g packages

"nice try robo diddy" is so over but I love it and will continue to use it for the rest of my life

God David Lister is so fucking hot

If a two-state solution is good, surely a three-state solution is even better, right?

Weed stores should have Mucinex and visine at the till

When your shaver dies halfway through doing your pubes

I want to wear my girls ass like a ski mask

Alpha male, sigma male, that's all tired. I am what is referred to in nature as a "sneaky" male

I'm a 28yr old guy so I'm like a decade and a half behind women for this but holy fuck the crushing weight of knowing you have to spend your whole life sharing the planet with the average man is really a crisis

GUYS GO FUCKING GIVE SOME MONEY TO WIKIPEDIA

Remember when memes would last like, YEARS?

I would eat a log of shit if you cooked it in a tandoor

Star light, star bright, First star I see tonight, Auishame, auishamite, Wish a fuckin wish tonite

LOOKING FOR HONEST DISCUSSION, NOT TRYING TO BE DIVISIVE; people who wear shoes in the house, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Jesus Honda just let me set my cruise control to 30 km, I can't physically force my body to make my car go that slow without mechanical help

When you go to Costco it's always you vs the Costco, they want you dead.

Flavacol

*send fire aid to Israel to aid the fire*

I think I have personally purchased enough strawberry sunny d from my local dollar store that they finally restocked with non-sticky bottles.

The difference between getting brickwalled in an argument with a leftist vs a right winger is leftists won't change their mind because they're already correct, and right wingers won't change their mind because they're too stupid or cruel to acknowledge the truth.