Matt Olson

You need clothes to buy clothes in this sad, mixed up world.

Three detainees have died at ICE’s Camp East Montana, one in a death ruled a homicide. Federal auditors found evidence missing or destroyed, and inspectors documented 52 violations. ICE is now pursuing a $2.8 billion no-bid contract through 2028.

This is because those provocateurs at Charlie Hebdo intentionally stirred up trouble by publishing images of Eiichiro Oda.

(Snatching a cop’s gun out from it’s holster) “Sorry, I’m trying out the whole ‘do the opposite’ thing from Seinfeld”

What would happen if a victorian child ate chicken & waffles Oreos that were poisoned and after he ate them you stabbed him 20 times and threw him in the river?

Rewatching RN and this might be the hardest a movie score has ever gone youtu.be/ZBJYl1O4yoY?...

Sad Dourif 😔

Normally you are cute when you are a little kid, and you get creepy as you get older, but if you are twins who speak in unison, it works the opposite way. Scary as hell when you are 6, cute as hell when you are 60.

Inside every person is two wolves, because evil scientists surgically inserted two wolves inside of every person. Horrifying.

When the democrats re-take the white house, instead of getting rid of NSPM-7, they’ll use it to designate you as a terrorist for criticizing the works of Taika Waititi

It’s Riley Gale Forever O’Clock and there’s new Power Trip out

The most beautiful sentence in the english language is “Using a field of half-C sprats, and brass-fitted nickel slits, our bracketed caps, and splay-flexed brace columns vent dampers to dampening hatch depths of one half meter from the damper crown to the spurve plinths.” youtu.be/Ue1hkQots1w?...

Getting up every morning and climbing the tower stairs up to my rookery hoping to find a white raven from the citadel signaling that this great summer has finally come to an end.

What Mars would look like if a giant pufferfish swallowed it.

(Reading someone’s address) So who the hell is this “Doctor Apartment 301?”

Complaining about El Niño in english makes you sound like Homer Simpson.

I binged Slow Horses and the Steven Conrad tv show Patriot back to back, and I can’t stress enough what a terrible, uninspired and boring tv show Slow Horses is.

A nuclear apocalypse wouldn’t kill off the cockroaches, unless that nuclear apocalypse also somehow triggered a flood of slightly soapy water.

Guy who thinks it’s emasculating to poop sitting down.

I don’t think rich people should be allowed to play sports because they have an unfair advantage.

Men stop assuming that all women are from your 10⁻³⁷m planck length universe challenge: impossible.

I’ve never hated a TV show’s theme song more than I hate Mick Jagger’s absolutely atrocious Slow Horses song.

I always try to watch elephant graveyard videos but i never make it more than a few minutes in before i realize I’m exhausted and we still haven’t gotten past the cute little intro segment. I wish I could but I can’t.

Overheard outside the Grove AMC: “This is one of best movie theaters ever. They got popcorn… everything!”

It’s a difficult time for my family, we had to put down my childhood dog because he was woke.

cottage cheese is just feta that has already been partially digested and regurgitated by mother

Almost responded to someone’s engagement prompt then I realized I could just unfollow them instead.

(Tik Tok video of me holding my neighbors at gunpoint and forcing them into a crudely made wooden cage that is sort of shaped like a map of America) Lethargic Voice Over: Do you like America-shaped prisons? Let me know in the comments if you think it’s a good idea.

Europeans don’t use Miles as a unit of measurement, they use Kill My Self

I will breathe in while driving through a tunnel, but only because society forces me to do so.

I beleive it’s necessary to block on sight anyone who responds to posts with a Dan Levy reaction gif, regardless of their politics.

I care a lot about “traditional values” (I won’t smoke weed with a white lighter)

If Donald Trump really loved America he would change his name to Donald America