Middle Age Riot

Women who vote Republican ignore the sexism so they can enjoy the racism.

A liar, a coward, and a traitor walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be, Speaker Johnson?"

BELOW: A Nazi ass staring at a Nazi ass.

FDR: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country." DJT: "Nicki Minaj's ass."

DID YOU KNOW? When the Republicans lose and Donald Trump declares "Marshall" law, all of America's military and security forces will be under the direct order of actress Paula Marshall, who will hopefully use them to end this nightmare.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Greenland. Greenland who? Donald Trump is in the Epstein files.

FACT: There's no skank like a Mar-a-Lago skank.

"[Democratic Senate candidate] Angie Nixon was the lead sponsor of a bill to let schools turn children, all of them, transgender without parental consent." - Donald Trump, setting some kind of record for the number of lies in a single sentence

Catholic priests: "We don’t rape children anymore." Also Catholic priests: "Let's pose with the most famous child rapist in history."

BREAKING: Child rapist applauds ad attacking raped child.

With Donald Trump getting all the attention it is important to remember that JD Vance is an asshole too.

Vivek Ramaswamy is the little kid who follows the bully around the playground laughing at his victims.

Schools were not forcing kids to have transgender surgery. Babies were not being aborted after they were born. Migrants were not crossing the border to vote for Kamala Harris. Donald Trump is a pathological liar and, if you believed this shit, you are a pathological dumbass.

"Listen, Mr. Smarty Reporter Pants, I'm rubber and you're glue and whatever you say sticks to me because I'm sticky rubber and also a pedophile."

Just for Men hair dye has introduced a new color: Pedophile Brown.

If you want to look tall, hang out with short people. If you want to look young, hang out with old people. If you want to look smart, hang out with Trump supporters.

During a school shooting, children hide under their desks. After a school shooting, Republicans hide under theirs.

Republicans: "If Democrats win, they will prosecute President Trump for his many, many crimes."

SHOWN: The first thing you do when you find out JD Vance will be speaking at your venue.

School nurse: "If you fill out this twenty-page form and have it signed by a pediatrician and notarized with three witnesses, I can give your child a Tylenol when they have a headache." Donald Trump: "Schools can secretly turn your child from Tim to Tammy."

Donald Trump has had strokes that lasted longer than Katie Zacharia.

DID YOU KNOW? Anthony Scaramucci worked in the Trump White House for over two Zacharias.

Donald Trump is what would happen if someone tried to make stupid from concentrate but forgot to add water.

Columbus Day is the most Republican holiday because it's about giving a white man credit for discovering a country he never actually set foot in and where people were already living.

Putin: "I'm giving Iran military intelligence so they can target U.S. ships. Is that okay with you, bitch?"

The Republican Party is literally doubling down on rapists.

BELOW: If Richie Rich grew up to be an elderly pedophile.

Lies used to fly out of Donald Trump's mouth like shrapnel from a shit grenade. Now they dribble out like diarrhea from a sick dog's ass.

If you are more upset about gender-neutral restrooms than you are about seven men raping an incapacitated woman, the Republican Party may be right for you.

BREAKING: Nobel Committee gives peace prize to everyone who is not Donald Trump.

SHOWN: Very stable genius who has been trying unsuccessfully for two years to paint a pool.

1. It's called Artificial Intelligence. 2. You bet your diaper-wrapped ass I'm your enemy.

He wasn't joking. He wasn't misquoted. He wasn't being sarcastic. He said it. He meant it. He said it again.

Ted Cruz is traveling to a campaign event with Donald Trump on Air Force One, which answers the question, "What would be worse than traveling to a campaign event with Donald Trump on Air Force One?"

BELOW: Donald Trump considers bombing the Nobel Committee if they don't give him a peace prize this year.

Donald Trump: "Mumble bumble grumble. Fricken fracken flurgen flurgen flibbity flib jibbit jabba jibba. Eep ipp opp ork ick ock dippety dip dip. Urrrk braaap bluuuuurp mrrrrph drrrph eeeee ooooo eeeee ooooo. Bleeeaaaarghugh." MAGA: "Four more years! Four more years!"

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Find someone who will defend you with the same ferocity that Megyn Kelly defends rapists.

BELOW: Donald Trump relives his college days by reading the Cornell 7's group chats.

"[Iran] can take out a city, let them take out Los Angeles, let them take out San Diego. This is a very small price to pay." There is nothing more temporary than the new low Donald Trump reaches every day.

Dennis Hastert, former Speaker of the House, is dead at 84. Even now it's hard to believe a pedophile could rise so high in our government. (Oops, wrong photo.)

If you are dumb enough to vote Republican because you think Donald Trump is going to give you $5000 you were already dumb enough to vote Republican.

The Republican Party went from Abraham Lincoln to Donald Trump. No wonder they don't believe in evolution.

Normalize ruining rapists' lives.

Donald Trump's 2026 midterm strategy can be best summarized as "lie loudly to stupid people."

Donald Trump: "I have the best dementia. Amazing. Nobody has better dementia. The greatest in history, like nobody has ever seen before."

Say what you will about JD Vance, as long as it's "JD Vance is a fucking asshole."

BELOW: Workers drain the reflecting pool in preparation for the Donald Trump Triumphal Parking Lot.

BELOW: Republicans when they find out Donald Trump is coming to their state to campaign for them.

"Planes are different today. You used to have a little steering wheel or whatever. Today, they fly differently." Admit it, Republicans. When you see a quote that fucking stupid, you know who said it.

Donald Trump: prescription drug addict. Kash Patel: alcoholic. Pete Hegseth: alcoholic. Robert F. Kennedy Jr.: heroin addict. Trump's White House is the Betty Ford Clinic for dumb Nazis.