mjbanks64.bsky.social

I just accidentally typed "handsnake" instead of "handshake", and now I kinda wanna know what a handsnake is.

!!! $#{X∈∀} $U{?}{#{I}}?

At times, I work surprisingly hard at being lazy. Why am I like this?

Another of my aesthetics: joyful bewilderment.

Picture this: my goofy ass walking into the grocery store in Dollar Store slides, dirty work shorts, and the mismatched suit jacket and shirt I just bought at Goodwill. I'm glad they retired those guys with butterfly nets...

If I see any loπers, I'mma ∞ the fuck outta 'em.

I just distracted myself for over 15 minutes trying to find the right background noise to...focus better. Why am I like this?

I'm currently thoroughly enjoying my neurodivergence, and that's not even sarcasm. :D

Anyway... Today's episode is brought to you by the letter...

I was looking up relatives of the sesame plant, for a stupid Sesame Street joke. This, one of sesame's mean-ass cousins, appeared. Why are plants like this?

I won't get too sentimental, but: I never thought my father would be in the position to have to congratulate me on a year of sobriety. But you know what? I ain't complaining.

When the book said "Just imagine you're Siri Keeton", I didn't have to try that hard. Emotionally-compromised neurodivergent with a weird skill set? Hell, I think Siri Keeton should be imagining he's Matthew Banks. :P

I feel like if there was such a thing as a cognitohazard, I would have run into one by now.

My life continues to get surreal. I just, with full seriousness, typed the sentence "in case such a head cannot be found". No, you may not have context.

Maybe I just read that one Charles Stross story too many times, but I always wonder if people's obsession with this AI/LLM stuff and all this AI psychosis stuff is just the equivalent of the Internet using human brains kinda like bitcoin miners.

Weird thought I sometimes have: What if I say something that accidentally goes on to combine with something else unrelated I say, and it ends up looking like I set up a really racist, offensive, bad, etc. running joke or something?

When is the appropriate time to throw a hissy fit? I've only ever heard people say when NOT to do it.

So, apparently, neurodivergents (like me) often don't start having that good a time in life until mid-30s to mid-40s. Which explains why it feels like it took me until 38 to really finish puberty and stop feeling like an awkward moron.

I'm learning to talk to dogs. Not in the Disney/psychotic way. In the sense that, if I (a human) go "Hwoof" and do that drop-down-splay-out play-with-me gesture dogs do, dogs listen better. Life's weird.

Another moment of high-level neurodiverency from yours truly: After literally over a decade of poking around and wondering, the font I was looking for, which is good both for prose and weird math and equations: Cambria Math. Approximately 1 nerd in 2500 will need this. That's good for me.

Well am I aware this is a dumb gripe, but can we maybe not with Christmas music at all this year? I like Christmas just fine, but I'd like to be able to walk into a store this November through December without sorrow.

"Matthew, does it feel good when a depression starts to lift." "Yeah. It's pretty awesome. Today, I was so happy I bought a bath-mat." "What?" "A bath-mat. I didn't feel like the walls were closing in, so I had time to think 'Hey. The floor keeps getting wet by the shower.'"

If I forgot to mention, the Internet should know: we're also getting a movie about Tenzing Norgay and Edmund Hilary on Everest. Looks non-crappy, too. I am *all in* for a Tenzing Norgay mountain adventure with good cinematography.

Do foxes who vape buy Gekker Bars?

Epiphanies with practical value in my life, that don't fade after the "epiphany honeymoon" are rare and never look how I expect. I'm saying: it was kinda jarring to realize, after like twenty-five years of wondering, that so many of my issues are just "Yeah. That's classic AuDHD... Odd, but doable"

Fantasy: Gorgeous, flirtatious nephilim. Reality: EXTREMELY flirtatious and worryingly clingy and neurotic ophanim.

Naming characters causes me to type weird things into my search engine. I'm going for a theme or an in-joke for some character, and find myself typing "animals associated with prostitution and/or sexual immorality."

New character archetype for the Council's consideration: hardworking, insomniac, bisexual femboy plumber in South Boston in about 1980.

Huh... Duolingo has High Valyrian? Do I have any room in my brain for spurious hobbies?

Hyperfixations aren't all bad. I'm about to learn *so much* weird culture and trivia about Kyrgyzstan, because a sobriety YouTuber I really like said it was pretty, and it is, and it's one of those "pretty country with weird language and awesome names" places. I'm in.

Y'know, what kind of science nerd am I? How do I know saying weird words doesn't cast spells if I don't try it? Well, maybe I'll weight until the neighbors are done with the barbecue, but still...

I wasn't a big "put my phone on Do Not Disturb" guy until recently, but MAN that mode is nice to have...

You know those litigious asshats who try to sue over everything? What's their success rate? For academic curiosity. It can't be that high, but is it like 1% wins or like 0.001%?

Further experimentation reveals that AI-LLM things are weirdly good at making up bizarre, impractical board games, if you ever need randomized rules for a weird game for an eccentric in a novel, or something. I dunno. I just like weird. Not sure about all this AI business, though.

I really hate jumpscares, unless they're the "earned" kind, or they work really well, which is rare. (I don't like being startled.) I'm a big fan of semi-jump or dread scares, though: it's not a jolt, but you see something awful about to happen one or several seconds before. Time to process the ick

The specifics are boring, but I just realized that modern AI-LLMs retroactively stole a job I once made approximately US$35 from ten years before LLMs existed.

So many of my epiphanies circle back either to "You're just a bit naive, Matthew" or "You need to go outside and talk to human people more, Matthew." Embarrassing, but good to remember.

I know I've been rambly lately, but I promise, I'm mentally well. Just energetic lately. But: the writers will know: I think most of us have written a character that surprised us. It's not real autonomy (that way lieth badness) but it looks like it. It's neat.

I think (or maybe hope) I'm actually becoming the kind of person who gets a funny, coy little look when I have an actually good idea.

This is going to make a lot of sense a few doctor's appointments from now, but: the more "autistic" I think and act, the more real-world balanced and healthy I seem to be. There's probably a word for that. I'm always late to the cool words.

It's a shame I'm too ugly, too unsociable, and my voice is too unpleasant for theater, because I *do* love being theatric.

Having accepted comfortably, and with slight pride, that I'm definitely some form of neurodivergent, I am pleased that I'm going to be using the phrase "that was an autism" to explain my eccentricity from now on, now that I don't feel like I'm being a dick.