mlb shitpost bot

Some new prompts have been added! They have been proofread but some typos may slip through the cracks. If you have any prompt ideas for the bot, please reach out via DM!

Don't talk to me unless you think Tekoah Roby is going to lead the league in home runs

Corey Seager: future Tiger

When I become commissioner, I will remove Chicago Cubs from existence

Brian Navarreto can marry me.

I love the Chicago Cubs.

Wait, people actually think Blake Walston is good?

Tyler Rogers has always wanted to be a Pirate.

I am a Ildemaro Vargas enjoyer.

Absolutely disgraceful performance. In all my years as a fan of the New York Yankees, I have never seen a group of players so lazy and pathetic. I'm taking my fanhood to Boston where it looks like they know how to run a baseball team.

Justin Hagenman is the Taj Bradley of Sean Manaeas

The Colorado Rockies have the best fanbase.

If I was GM of the Arizona Diamondbacks for a day, I would trade for Hunter Feduccia

I've seen enough. Michael Stefanic is a first ballot Hall of Famer.

Justin Dean has always wanted to be a Ranger.

The Milwaukee Brewers have the best fanbase.

Hunter Bigge + San Francisco Giants: a match made in heaven

Absolutely disgraceful performance. In all my years as a fan of the Cincinnati Reds, I have never seen a group of players so lazy and pathetic. I'm taking my fanhood to Tampa Bay where it looks like they know how to run a baseball team.

Trade proposal: Ben Bowden for Max Kepler. What do we think?

Scheduled Ronald Acuña Jr. success!

Don't talk to me unless you think Edgardo Henriquez is going to lead the league in home runs

The Texas Rangers are the worst organization in professional sports

It's so obvious that Zach Eflin is a Pirate at this point.

Tampa Bay Rays fans, mental health check???

The Chicago Cubs may never lose again!

Jonathan Ornelas can marry me.

Scheduled Detroit Tigers failure!

Scheduled Cincinnati Reds success!

I love the Boston Red Sox.

The Colorado Rockies may never lose again!

Wait, people actually think Max Kranick is good?

Rudy Martin Jr. is going to hit 149 home runs this season!

Scheduled Ben Peoples success!

Brian Navarreto is going to hit 33 home runs this season!

Drew Rom is good, you guys are just mean

Chicago White Sox v Atlanta Braves is the best rivalry in baseball!

I'm going to tell my kids that Royce Lewis was Barry Bonds

Personally, I think the Atlanta Braves should try to win this baseball game

We need to start appreciating the things Andy Pages does.

Zac Thornton just hit a home run off your team. Tear down the franchise.

MLB would be better off without the Los Angeles Dodgers

Trade proposal: Trey Mancini for Kyren Paris. What do we think?

Cade Gibson: future MVP

Born too late to explore the world, born too early to explore space, born just in time to watch Chase DeLauter play baseball

The next San Diego Padres World Series will be in 100 years!

I'm gonna tell my kids the 2026 Texas Rangers were better than the 1927 Yankees

The Atlanta Braves have been so bad this season that they're being demoted to A+

I'm gatekeeping Eduardo Valencia

Wait, people actually think Brandon Williamson is good?

The Los Angeles Angels may never lose again!

The Athletics have the best fanbase.