Tell Your Cat I Said &quot;psspsspss&quot;

20 Aug

If you were to take all the available fucks in the world today, and all the fucks that have been given in the history of time, and all the fucks that could be given between now and the end of history...

20 Aug

... and put them all on a rocket and blast them into the furthest, darkest, coldest, most inaccessible reaches of deepest space, there would still be more fucks on earth than I am willing to give about this piece of "news"

17 July

@theguardian.com Once upon a time your closest friends called you Teh Grauniad, so famous were you for your typos. I'm glad to see the tradition continues, despite computerised spell-checkers. Congratulations. Unless you were going to follow this up with "neigh, neigh, and thrice neigh".

www.theguardian.com/us-news/live...

17 July

theguardian.comTrump rehashes wide-ranging US election claims and releases heavily redacted documents in primetime address – live updatesPresident accused China of ‘sinister election meddling’ and railed against US intelligence in latest effort to paint a picture of degraded US election system

theguardian.comPolice warn Widdecombe murder speculation is ‘unhelpful and distressing’Politicians should not comment before facts established, says ex-chief constable, as Farage calls killing ‘premeditated murder’

13 July

www.theguardian.com/politics/202... Which is ironic, since the lady herself was often described as "unhelpful and distressing", not least of all to the dental profession.

9 July

Wordle 1,846 2/6 🟩🟨⬛🟨⬛ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

8 July

Actually yes, I *am* that good. Wordle 1,845 2/6 ⬛🟨⬛🟨⬛ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

theguardian.comTrump lobbied Fifa to lift Folarin Balogun suspension for World Cup game v BelgiumThe US striker was shown red in the team’s last-32 match, but the card and its suspension were thought to not be eligible for appeal.

6 July

www.theguardian.com/football/202... Someone should let that orange assclown know that Balogun is a "birthright citizen".

20 June

I don't like to brag, but I just completed the original Prince of Persia with 5 seconds to spare.

gothamist.comA fox crossed the Atlantic on a cargo ship. The Bronx Zoo is figuring out what's next.Basil the fox sailed from England to New York City as a stowaway. After some treatment at the zoo, he’s doing great.

23 May

That this article has to expressly call out the correct pronunciation of 'basil' tells you all you need to know about the standards of education in the US. But that's one cute fox! gothamist.com/news/a-fox-c...

23 May

Also you win a eleventy-billion Internets for knowing why the fox is named Basil.

theguardian.comDogs’ brains began to shrink at least 5,000 years ago, study findsResearch offers insights into domestication of dogs but it remains unclear why they ended up with smaller brains than wolves

29 Apr

www.theguardian.com/science/2026... We didn't need research to tell us this. What I would like to know is why cat brains continue to expand to the point at which they can now convince these dumb goggies to lift them up to where the treats are hidden.

11 Apr

@bawdensnoek.bsky.social We welcome free speech over here. Dumber-than-a-bag-of-hammers speech, however, which apparently you're a proponent of, will get you ignored and told to fuck off back to twitter where people with double-digit IQs find themselves much more comfortable.

2 Apr

Hey China! Here's an idea: offer to pay Iran to let your tankers transit the Strait of Hormuz, but (and here's the clever bit) pay them in bombs, missiles, rockets, etc.

31 Mar

@theguardian.com While Constable Lapweed would make a better president than DJT, I question whether certain dogs are really that keen on fossil fuels... www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...

theguardian.comIsrael passes law to give death penalty to Palestinians convicted of lethal attacksKnesset approves measure that has been criticised by European nations and rights groups

30 Mar

For those who believe Israelis and Palestinians living in Israel are equal under the law, I suggest you have a read of this: www.theguardian.com/world/2026/m...

22 Mar

While I wouldn't wish this family's situation on anyone, perhaps if this fucker learned NOT TO WALK IN THE FUCKING BIKE LANE I might have more sympathy. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2026...

20 Mar

@judaspriestof.bsky.social I know times are tight and we're all doing what we can - and this is your material and you're free to do with it as you please - but what was the thought process behind licensing You've Got Another Thing Coming to flippin' Chevy to hawk their cars. Seriously?

visdeurbel.nlThe Fish Doorbell — The Fish DoorbellDid you spot a fish? Press the Fish Doorbell! This alerts our lock operator to let the fish through. The Fish Doorbell is in Utrecht, NL.

14 Mar

visdeurbel.nl/en/ All I can say is that them Dutch fish must be too busy watching porn or smoking doobies - I've been watching this thing for 4 days straight and there hasn't been a single flippin' fish in sight!

5 Mar

Guess that there's only so much shit from the Gnome that Pedo McTacoTits will put up with.

5 Mar

It's a shame that the lack of education in the US means that its leadership can't read. It can't read Santayana, and it can't read @theguardian.com. www.theguardian.com/news/ng-inte...

5 Mar

Iraqi Kurds would do well to remember what happened to the Iraqi Shias that Bush Snr promised to back in their revolt against Saddam in 1991.

4 Mar

Out of interest, how the actual fuck comes up with names for military operations these days? "Operation Epic Fury"? Really? Did they ask some 13-year old game to come up with the name? For reference, the Falklands War was "Operation Corporate". Cracking the Enigma code? "Ultra". D-day? "Overlord".

4 Mar

Arnhem? "Market Garden". No-one was dumb enough to call them "epic fury" or "enduring freedom" because while that kind of naming sounds good today it looks really fucking stupid later on. Call it what it is: "Operation Ep-stein-ic Detraction".

3 Mar

TIL that there's a brand of clothing called Moose Knuckle. They...they do know what a moose knuckle is, right?

1 Mar

Cool. So apparently it's 100% ok to murder the president of another country. Works for me. When they murder Taco McPedoTits I think an awful lot of us will shed few tears.

25 Feb

TeamUSA must be so proud to be getting the same Presidential Medal of Freedom as Rush fucking Limbaugh.

datatheplay.comData – A Gripping New Thriller About AI & SurveillanceA suspenseful new play where a young programmer uncovers a dangerous AI surveillance plot. “Data” exposes Silicon Valley’s darkest ambitions in a tense, timely thriller.

19 Feb

If you're considering going to see www.datatheplay.com be prepared for disappointment. The actors are fine, and the script is pertinent, but the direction is abysmal. Never before have I seen 4 actors make so little use of space, lighting design so inept, and every vestige of suspense squandered.

19 Feb

And I say this as a long-time follower of amateur dramatics - I've seen some appalling performances of great material, but this took the biscuit. Honestly. If someone involved in the production wants to talk, I'm here.

31 Jan

I'm almost thinking I need to see this film just to see if it's really as bad as it sounds. But I'm also thinking "Sure, but first I need to remove my testicles with a blunted corn-on-the-cob skewer, while drunk, in a darkened room."

31 Jan

He heard them say "Moo", he though they were saying "Moose". x.com/Axaxia88/sta...

24 Jan

If you're in the US, looking at the historical-low temperatures brought about by the winter storm, and asking "what about global warming, then?", then scientists and MIT and CalTech have some good news for you: their research proves conclusively that you're a stupid cunt.

20 Jan

@theguardian.com I see your proof-reader is taking a long weekend, unless John Owen really used to work for racing cookware... www.theguardian.com/sport/2026/j...

youtu.beKitty FishingYouTube video by romerd

18 Jan

Found this old video of our office's first (and to-date only) kittin-fishing contest. You may wish to form a kittin-fishing league in your company - feel free to reach out if you want a copy of the rules. #cats #catofbluesky #kittens #kitttin-fishin youtu.be/VYuTIcHFp0Q?...

17 Jan

But guns aren't the problem, are they? No no no, it's parenting that's the problem - right?

16 Jan

Shoe-in for Dumbest Fuck On The Planet doubles down on title bid.

16 Jan

Erm...Jenrick's a Tory - not being able to "believe a word that comes out of his mouth" goes with the territory.

This is going to be taken the wrong way, I can just feel it, but how about this for an idea: - call the ICE hotline and report your Jewish (and fully legal citizens) friends, neighbours, rabbis, storekeepers, etc. - ICE arrives, starts sweeping them up

- ADL, Friends of Israel, every other lobby group loses its ever-loving shit over it - something something something - ICE disbanded I'm picking Jewish people here because there are some powerful Jewish lobbies that may be thinking "this isn't our problem right now".

Like I say, this will be taken the wrong way. But until ICE starts hitting the influential then nothing's going to happen to change the situation.

theguardian.comMaría Corina Machado says she presented Trump with her Nobel peace prize medalThe Venezuelan opposition leader did not confirm whether the US president accepted the award

D'you suppose Pedo McTacoTits knows that unless he's given the prize by the actual Nobel Prize Committee then he doesn't, in fact, have the prize? www.theguardian.com/world/2026/j...

13 Jan

"You people over there! Yes, you! Keep protesting! You people over here? Knock it the hell off already or we'll send more fascist cunts to your town, and shoot you in the face."

12 Jan

@ashleysays.bsky.social They could make a Reno 911-style show and call it "On The Rocks" :)

9 Jan

If someone claims that the only constraint to their behaviour is "my own morality" then surely that's grounds to remove them whatever office they hold.