Morgan Phillips

Humans are infinitely beautiful, said the three dimensional flesh creature

The CIA director didn’t fly to Moscow to offer a deal where they help with Iran and we help with Ukraine, right? Cool, just checking

NYT: Remember ice cream? Cold, sweet and sticky, it’s the highlight of a hot summer’s day. Me: You mean fro-yo? NYT: No, ice cream. It’s different. Me: … NYT: You can get it on a cone, or in a cup… Me: I’m pretty sure you’re talking about fro-yo

They’re so terrified of everything, must be exhausting

Cut to the conspiracy accidentally being uncovered when Kash Patel’s gf has a gig at the Kremlin

I’ve stopped believing in so many things over the last several years, one of those things is “white hat hackers who have the ability to break into any computer database”

I guess my deal is that when I concentrate I’m able to see the infinite and overwhelming beauty in everything, but also I assume the “beauty” is actually just my tiny li’l meat brain short circuiting?

Wait, what if it WASN’T just a “Roman salute” 😨😨😨

Okay but is it a war yet

My pitch to George R.R. Martin is for him to go meta with the last two books - insert himself as a character, incorporate writer’s block into the magic system

It’s almost as if a bunch of rich people make money when oil prices jump around, especially if they have insider information. Weird!

The Minions using the Necronomicon to summon Cthulhu was on my 2026 bingo card, if Tilly Norwood gets a cabinet position then I WIN THE PRIZE

We deserve Tilly Norwood

Do extra dimensional aliens find it cute that our scientists put so much effort into exploring and describing the 3D universe

The inclusion of “September” in this July 4th medley is a genius choice

After last night’s apocalyptic thunderstorm followed by fireworks, this morning my dog did his “Father, see the treats up there on the shelf?” routine, except for his Doggy Prozac

Pretty sure this is the first time I’ve gotten a text from ConEd saying “heads up, we’re gonna send you less electricity, some of your stuff might not work” I HOPE THE DATA CENTERS WILL BE OKAY

Stop complaining about Trump spending so much money on construction projects, you obviously know nothing about the man. He never pays contractors

Today’s NY Times crossword has a clue deliberately designed to troll improv comedy people: “Bit of improv” (4 letters)

Philip K. Dick would have been huge on TikTok

You can’t make me learn about the hot new band Geese and then a year later reveal that this whole time there’s also been an even more successful band called Goose

It would be so unfortunate if somebody made a scale model of Epstein Island and floated it out into the middle of the reflecting pool

Hey remember when we blew up the leader of another country because we thought the country might be a threat some day? So is that legal now, or what exactly is the deal

Get on board. InfoWars launches July 2, 8 p.m. EST

Worried that while I’m away my A.I. appliances say cruel things to my dog

Remember when the first trillionaire said Trump wasn’t releasing the files because he was in the files? And he is indeed in the files, and he’s not releasing the files because he’s in the files? Do you remember that? Wild. Anyway, excited for the bloodsport fight at the Lincoln Memorial

If only he’d been a trillionaire 12 years ago, I bet he wouldn’t have had to beg so hard to visit the island

The Gaslight War

I hope one day we’re visited by god-like space aliens who share their utopian blueprint with us and it’s literally just “if someone’s personal wealth surpasses a billion astro dollars then we eat them”

I believe in you, NYC

I’m not sure how much longer this fragile ceasefire will hold

There are currently Toy Story 5 audio ads on NYC subway trains and in stations, and they are GLORIOUS. Excruciatingly loud and garbled, totally incomprehensible except for something about “tech” and a snippet of Randy Newman melody. This is the dystopian Singularity we were promised

If you’re confused about the term “ceasefire” and how it now includes the possibility of active fighting, you are old fashioned and still clinging to the idea that words have permanent meanings. We are still in a ceasefire, we have always been in a ceasefire

Not now, Sun

If attacking the other side Does not break a FRAGILE CEASEFIRE Is it not then actually an INCREDIBLY STRONG CEASEFIRE?

“Record corporate profits in 2021” Is such a sad epitaph for a country

The footprints in the sand Distract from the fact that The sand also carried us

POPS Will the AI bubble Pop before the Human bubble

If you’re a UCB person and you don’t have original, commissioned Dyna Moe art on your walls, what are you even doing?

Just discovered I am The exact same age as Dungeons & Dragons

The X-ray machine refused To scan my left second toe Even after rebooting (A tortured pun I ignored) There are secrets inside me The robots must never learn

They scanned Mona Lisa Turns out DaVinci Painted over A pre-existing A.I. image

AOC on possibly running for the Senate or President: They assume my ambition is a title or a seat. My ambition is way bigger than that. My ambition is to change this country. Presidents come and go, elected officials come and go, single payer healthcare is forever.

The war Not a war No mission To creep It’s over We won Now go back To sleep

DREAMLESS Bad dreams Are no good But no dreams Will be worse As you sleep In the box In the back Of the Hearse

HYPOTHETICAL So fucking tired If I died of exhaustion I wouldn’t be surprised I’d say Ah yes this tracks But how am I still talking Oh no am I in Hell

Whose p(doom) Is creeping higher Can’t read the room The room’s on fire