murzy.bsky.social

"smile 4 u"... If you break the glass on your cell phone, does that mean you will have seven years of bad cell phone service?

"smile 4 u"... Why does food stuck in your teeth become your tongues #1 Priority?

"smile 4 u"... Watching TV is a nightmare. All the violence, fighting, cursing and swearing and that's just to find the right remote to turn it on.

Terrific Show!

"smile 4 u"... Do "Popeye's" fry their chicken in Olive oil?

"smile 4 u"... Four words that scare the crap out of men, "We have to talk". It never turns out well.

"smile 4 u"... If Donald makes a visit to Australia, will he try to grab the citizens down under by the platypus?

"smile 4 u"... Shopping for a couch in my 20's: is it comfortable enough? Shopping for a couch in my 50's: can I get up, out of it easily?

"smile 4 u"... How to tell people they have bad breath: "Well, I'm bored... let's go brush our teeth." "I've got to make a phone call. Hold this mint in your mouth for me."

"smile 4 u"... They should invent a senior GPS. It should tell me how to get there, but why I wanted to go there.

"smile 4 u"... Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

"smile 4 u" ... If you look like your picture on your Passport, you need a vacation.

"smile 4 u"... If I can make at least one person "smile" or pee in their pants a little, then my day is not wasted.

"smile 4 u"... Why does food stuck in your teeth become your tongues #1 Priority?

"smile 4 u"... If you don’t wanna catch the Flu, just wear anything New York Jets or New York Giants, because they can’t catch shit.

"smile 4 u"... Have you ever stayed in your car until the good song finishes?

"smile 4 u"... I used to go to discos, now it’s Costcos.

"smile 4 u"... If you spell COVID backwards, it spells DIVOC. What DIVOC is going on?

"smile 4 u"... Have you ever picked up a cordless phone and tried to use it as a TV remote?

"smile 4 u"... Who remembers the red thread on Band-aids? I think it was reborn on Laughing Cow Cheese.

"smile 4 u"... If you are making Hawaiian pizza, bake it at aloha temperature. Mahalo for smiling!

"smile 4 u"... You don’t realize how much you need Weight Watchers until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

"smile 4 u"... I told the waitress my steak was bad. She picked it up, slapped it, and threw it back down. She said, "If it gives you any more trouble, let me know."

"smile 4 u"... Were the Cleveland Guardians a home security company before they became a baseball team?

"smile 4 u"... The car warranty people stopped calling. I’m nervous. Did I do something to hurt their feelings?

"smile 4 u"... I typed my symptoms into Web MD and the diagnosis was I’m old.

"smile 4 u"... If you text me after 9PM you won't get a reply until around 3AM, when I wake up to go to the bathroom.

"smile 4 u"... Weight loss tip: Eat naked in front of a mirror. The restaurant will ask you to leave before you can eat too much.

"smile 4 u"... When did toilet paper become bathroom tissue? I'll have to ask Mr Whipple.

"smile 4 u"... If you break your phone screen, does that mean that you will have 7 years of bad phone service?

"smile 4 u"... Do you ever wonder why it took them 409 tries to get the formula right?

"smile 4 u"... Diet Tip: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money to spend on snacks.

"smile 4 u"... Have you ever taken a nap in a mattress store?

"smile 4 u"... Math Problem: If George is 70 and his girlfriend is 22, how much money does George have?

"smile 4 u"... If I can make at least one person "smile" or pee in their pants a little, then my day is not wasted.

"smile 4 u"... Does anyone willingly reach for celery in a veggie plate?

"smile 4 u"... The strip club near my house wasn't open. There was a sign that read, "Sorry, We're Clothed!"

"smile 4 u"... The message said, "Printer not found". I pointed to it and said, "It's right there!"

"smile 4 u"... Of all the things to lose, why couldn’t it be my weight or my appetite and not my keys or my glasses?

"smile 4 u"... Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you'll have back spasms.

"smile 4 u"... Is a muffin the manly version of a cupcake?

"smile 4 u"... Remember when 10PM didn't feel like midnight?

"smile 4 u"... I know we buy a lot from Amazon. They called to ask if I had any spare boxes that I could give them.

"smile 4 u"... As you get older, you have a favorite cashier at the grocery store.

"smile 4 u"... I couldn’t sleep so I’ve been up watching TV all night. I now own 3 air fryers, two rotisserie ovens, a Bowflex and 73 rolls of FlexTape.

"smile 4 u"... Alcohol and calculus don’t mix... Never drink and derive.

"smile 4 u"... What does 50 Cent do when he is hungry? 58

"smile 4 u"... Soon, I will pay off all my loans and be debt free. I'm on my way to the bank. I can hardly get my ski mask on.

"smile 4 u"... If you eat too much pasta just eat some antipasto to cancel it out.

"smile 4 u"... Does anyone frolic anymore? I feel like we should all go frolic.