Noah Lugeons

If the Patriots lose today they'll be 6-6 in the big game, making them the undisputed mediumest team in Super Bowl history.

What? Trump chickened out on Greenland with no real concessions, nothing gained, and a huge cost to American prestige? Crazy. Who could have possibly already had an acronym for this?

In 2026, we've added a tag to all our shows that inform people they're made without the use of generative AI. I'm calling on other creators to do the same. People should know if they're reading the thoughts of the person they're attributed to or artificial thoughts generated by a plagiarism-bot.

"My health insurance is going up $450/month." "How about a one time payments of $2000. Will that help?" "Not much, no." "Good, because we're lying about that."

We were all excited about our checks and balances, but it turns out that all it takes to overthrow our democracy is literally the dumbest one of us trying even a little bit.

I reject the whole "forward slash, back slash" distinction. Half of both of them are forward and half of both of them are back. By its very nature, a slash is half forward and half back. Who the fuck decided that was gonna be the nomenclature?

The Progressive ads with "backups in real life" seem to misunderstand what a backup QB does. It's pretty rare for a backup QB to come into a game because the other QB isn't doing a good job. I demand ads where the best friend gets a concussion or the husband backing up the trailer gets turf toe.

Fucking hell. Trump is begging for a participation trophy, when he didn't even participate. That's just pathetic.

My idiot congressman just introduced a resolution to force the Nobel prize committee to give Trump a peace prize. Instead of, you know, working to reopen the government. newrepublic.com/post/201636/...

In response to not getting the Nobel Peace Prize, the WH released a statement that said of Trump that "there will never be anyone like him who can move mountains with the sheer force of his will." How long it will be before he shoots an 18 in golf, invents the helicopter, and no longer has an anus?

Consider this: Trump is the only person who has ever managed to look like a failure for not winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Most people have never won the Nobel Peace Prize (and almost all of them are more deserving of it than Trump), and yet he's the only one who FAILED to win it. What a loser.

Ever since the Eagles did 4 tush pushes in a row, they haven't been able to do anything. It's their punishment for boring the fuck out of us.

Every time I see these helmets on the Bills, I wanna grab a quarter and scratch the logo off to see if I won.

If the rapture affects the release date of Hades 2 on Switch, I'll be very upset.

You know you're fucking up a text when your phone is like "Hey man, do you wanna just say it to us in your native language and we'll translate into English for you?"

You don't have to condone murder to celebrate one. If I celebrated him dying from cancer, nobody would accuse me of endorsing cancer.

I feel like every animal should have got their own nip.

Refugees in Kenya have died at food distribution centers, officials noted, including a pregnant woman crushed to death during a stampede. Aid workers said they expected more people to get hurt “as vulnerable households become increasingly desperate.” (Published May 2025)

Alright, I'm not gonna endorse the conspiracy theories that he's secretly dead, but I'm willing to bet he's at least using the autopen.

Republicans are awfully proud of the way they moved Cracker Barrel's stock price from $62 to $55 by throwing a hissy fit. But, like, the younger, more progressive generation that they're so scared of managed to move it from $175 to $62 just by not wanting to eat there.

We've reached this weird place where the most patriotic thing an American could really do at this point is burn an American flag.

1. Indiscriminately deport non-white people as publicly as possible. 2. Take over cities with large Democratic majorities. 3. Place military/ICE presence at or near polling stations. 4. End mail-in voting. 5. Profit.

Social media teaches us a lot about ourselves. Like, for example, without social media, I'd never even have suspected that my favorite thing in the world to watch is people mowing lawns in fast motion.

He missed me SO MUCH.

Fun fact: Apparently the TSA is allowed to sexually violate people over computer glitches, and they don't even have to apologize.

It's weird that the news is framing it as "Dow Jones hits record high" rather than "Dow Jones finally catches up to where it already was when Trump started with all his tariff bullshit."

Alaska makes a master photographer out of all of us.

Trump is doing everything he can to spark a huge protest to galvanize (read: terrify) his base. That's not to say people shouldn't protest -- or even riot at this point -- but we also need to recognize his motives.

@chriswarcraft.bsky.social What team do you think has the best kicker/punter combo?

The sky says it's 7pm. The clock says it's 11pm. My body says it's 3am. Alaska might take some getting used to.

I just heard my "it's not our fault, it's the tariffs" ad; a Toyota ad that basically said "Look, we're building the fucking things in your country, but we buy materials from all over the world because that's where the goddamn materials are. Toyota: It's not our fault you elected a dipshit."

How the fuck are we gonna have a Trump presidential fitness test? What are you gonna have to do? Cheat at golf and lie about your height?

He's using the threat of nuclear war to distract from his scandal, y'all. This is way stupider than the end of the world was supposed to be. Who knew that the most accurate cinematic prediction of the apocalypse would be Dr. Strangelove?

Bureau of Labor Statistics: "Yeah, it turns out that you can't fire your way into there being more jobs." Trump: "You're fired."

I'm really sick of headlines like "Trump announces trade deal with (Country X)." If a headline starts with "Trump announces," it might as well start with "Magic 8 Ball predicts" ... except that sometimes the Magic 8 ball gets it right.

Don't worry, y'all. I'm sure the algorithm that's perpetually convinced I'm a morbidly obese, Christian black lady in her thirties will nail this.

For what it's worth, I'm perfectly happy to let him be the Senator for Georiga.

I found the ugliest thing and I had to share it with you.

I'm happy to see the tide turning and all, but the fact that 44% of us don't draw the line at masked agents of the state abducting people off the street and putting them in concentration camps with no legal recourse is the real story. americasvoicecnn.substack.com/p/the-more-a...

I just got around to seeing Superman, and thus I'm only now realizing how far gone you really have to be to think it's "woke."

Sad to hear of Ozzy's passing. The cause of death hasn't been released yet, so I'm still kind of hoping a bat bit his head off.

How enshrined into American law is Christian privilege? We call its exclusion "separation of church and state." Not "religion and state," not "mosque and state" or "synagogue and state." CHURCH and state. They're unfairly included even in their exclusion.

Okay, so after I posted this, American Airlines delayed my flight by 3 hours and counting. I feel like they read this and now they're pissed.

American Airlines is excited to announce that, for the first time in their 99 year history, they had a flight take off on time. Not one of mine, but still. Very exciting.

It's been a lot of fun watching the IMDb rating average for Leap 3 drop as more and more of our listeners watch it in advance of the live show.

It never fails to amaze me how much of the off season prognostication among NFL pundits boils down to "I bet last year happens again."

As a guy who cries at everything, I like this a lot.

Trump is now being ratio’ed on his own website for telling his supporters to stop caring about the Epstein files.

We walked in the door this evening and found Leela like this:

Don't worry, fellow rural Americans. We'll still have the concept of a hospital.